The Sun Was Always Shining Behind the Clouds
by Andy Rasmussen
Kundalini Yoga and Meditation are powerful tools for spiritual mastery in this life. For much of my life, I struggled with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. Many of my coping techniques were born of a desperate desire to escape the crushing despair, guilt, and fear that dominated my life. In fact, it wasn’t until I began to heal that I became aware of how much my every decision was affected by a hopeless cycle of shame. It shaped my relationships with family, friends, and God. I felt trapped in a consciousness of doubt, grief, and apathy. I often experienced life as hopeless, frightening, or even tragic.
I was born and raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and have always been blessed with a deep testimony of the mission of Jesus Christ. Yet my view of God often settled somewhere between condemning and permitting. But almost never did I experience God as inspiring, merciful, or loving. In fact I often wondered at the expressions of joy and love for the Lord that some members offer. That kind of connection to God was simply outside my experience for thirty-five years. I knew the gospel was true, but I couldn’t make it work for me. My spiritual life was decidedly unfulfilling.
Yet eventually I learned to recognize the grace of Christ in my life. God led me to various natural healing modalities that were very helpful. This journey led me to Kundalini Yoga and Meditation as taught by Yogi Bhajan. I found Felice’s blog that provided a “translation” of this ancient Indian practice into LDS concepts, and I was inspired.
I took her introductory webinar series and later attended an all-day retreat where she taught Christ-centered meditation. It was a sublime experience. I finally had a tool of transformation that not only accessed the Atoning Power of Christ more effectively than traditional psychotherapy or medications, but placed me in command of my life in a way that was totally new to me. No longer did I need to run to a therapist or doctor when I felt anxious or depressed! No longer did I need to obsess about controlling everything and everyone around me in order to maintain my composure! At last I had the power to change, independent of outside forces! For the first time I felt truly free, able to exercise my agency to live life fully. I discovered the sun had always been shining behind the clouds!
The concepts and truths discussed in this book have blessed and opened my life in a way I never imagined. Kundalini Yoga and Meditation have scrubbed the debris from a half-lived life and prepared a space for me to receive the inspiration and abundance of my Redeemer.
Not every day is magnificent, and sometimes this journey of rebirth is surprisingly painful and intense. But every day that I include my Kundalini sadhana in my morning devotional is a better day. Even though I still notice short cycles of mania and depression, they are no longer debilitating. I have been free of psychotropic medications for years, and I live most often (though certainly not always!) in a consciousness of gratitude and willingness. My mind is clearer, and every faculty of reason and understanding is enhanced. Put simply, I am awakening to clearer and cleaner views of life.
Every week is drenched in meaning and purpose; relationships trend toward harmony more often than discord; and the God I worship is loving, wise, and everywhere. I know that I am His son, beloved and blessed and in the similitude of His Only Begotten. And so is everyone I meet.
Everyone’s journey is different, and every individual must find his or her own relationship with God, but for me, the science of Kundalini Yoga has given me the freedom and space to experience Christ’s joy. And I fully expect to continue to receive and prepare to serve Him as I pursue this path of spiritual discipline.