Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Love Lessons Part 4 - The Heartbeat of God

I stood in a meadow looking at the vast sky, where a giant eagle was making his way toward me. He had a note in his talons. He dropped it into my hands and then landed, waited for me to read it.

The note told me where we were going today.  It was not a walking journey, so we both extended our eagle wings and flew. We flew beyond the sky and around the moon.

On the back side of the moon, I was surprised to find the city of Enoch. The eagle knew which house we were going to. It was the home of a woman named Mary. When I saw her brown hair and oval face I knew I knew her before. And she knows my Sarah. They are good friends. She also knows Mary Magdeline--is named after her.

She put her head on my chest and began listening to my heartbeat. She left her head there for a long time. So long in fact that I began to wonder if time had stopped. If I had gotten stuck in a journey that would go no further. I turned to the eagle and asked what to do next. He said, just be in this moment. Let her listen to your heart beat. It will last as long as it needs to. It's not always important to be moving to the next thing.

So she listened and I held still and I learned from her that if God is Love and God and the Word are inseparable, then Listening is important. Because what is the power of God, Love, or the Word if there is no ear to listen.

She let me know all this just by putting her ear to my chest. I also learned from her that I am not hopeless or unlearned about Love. But that this is what I came here to do. That I was destined to be a great Lover. A high loving soul.

She said to take time every day to listen to my own heartbeat. And to listen as I chant mantras, as I speak, as I think. Listen as I write. Listen.

I thought then of Jesus Christ at the Last Supper. John tells us that "The disciple Jesus loved was reclining next to Jesus ... He leaned back on Jesus' breast." (John 13:23,25) Most people think John is referring to himself when he talks about the disciple Jesus loved, but Hugh Nibley makes a great case for it actually being Mary Magdeline, even though the text refers the disciple as a he. Either way, it is precious to think about and put one's ear to the heart of God.

Then every citizen in the city of Enoch came and kissed me, to show their support of me. It happened in just several moments, like a flash of wings.


Then the eagle departed and Mary Magdeline and Sarah both came and brought me to a healing pool, dipped me in it, and made me promise to freewrite every day and get to know Love more through writing and listening.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Love Lessons Part 3

A few days after my initiation into the Love Lessons I woke up in the middle of the night feeling the most intense joy I have felt in my life. More joyful even than having a baby, if you like that sort of thing. It was even more Real that that. So much Joy and Love that it could have no opposite. I felt like I was bathing in something. I could almost not suck in the air it was so rich. Angels were in the room, but I have felt angels in the room many times and nothing like this. In this Love there was no fear of lack or of separation from that Love. I wasn't worried it would end and so I fell blissfully asleep again soon after. I think whatever I was swimming in must have reverse aged me 10 years. In the morning I was sort drunk on it and my total YES to all of creation, and I realized that Love is everywhere. It is not something one has to look for or try to create. It is in the breeze. It is in the air we breathe. If you have read the  Prana chapter of my book you know that prana, which comes in with the air is the same thing as the Light of Christ. And since He was Love... 


The following journal entry was written probably shortly after the middle of the night intoxication.
This entry is not about leg hair. It's about Love. But at the time, I was having a journey with leg hair, so it may figure prominently in this entry.

"What can I write about Love except that I do know of it. I do know the way it feels to have the breeze blow through my leg hair. Dear breeze that came all the way from across the world and over the ocean cooling, surfing, making waves and rustling leaves and feathers, and then coming to lift the hairs on my legs. To ruffle them, caress them. That sounds sexual. But it was a deeply sensual experience the first time I felt the breeze blow through these newly grown hairs.  
I am so deeply in love with the breeze for being exactly as it was. For suprising me, for knocking me into the realm of the magical. If everyone could feel this they would stop shaving too. Part of me was missing and now it has regenerated and can wave at the poppies like my arm hairs do. Oh arm hair, I stopped noticing you ages ago, but I would notice if you were gone. 
Thank you breeze.  Thank you universe for breaking my razors after New Years. The armpits were easy. I liked them right away. I pet them like little bunnies. They were soft and powdery. Sensual and special. They seem to be a flag, waving. How wonderful it must be to be a flag, waving. Like loose fitting clothing on a breezy day. At one with my clothing it feels good. Almost as good as the breeze in my hair. 
It was my little secret for a long time. I fully intended to end the experiment with a deeply satisfying shave. A mow. Bulldozing. Deforestation. And then. Unexpectedly. I found a part of me that had been missing. Cliche I know. But true. I found myself endorsing what had once repulsed me. All great conversion stories go this way.  
I suppose, Breeze, that you have been a good missionary for other causes too. Ambassador. Persuasive, is perhaps a good word to describe you Breeze.  The leaves, the fall grasses, bend their ears to you, lean in the direction you persuade them."

Alisa  catching her scarf in the breeze. North Shore Oahu

Monday, July 27, 2015

Love Lessons Part 2

I have been trying to decide how to share some of this stuff. I have decided for part 2 to post some edited entries from my journal: 

"What did Sarah teach me about Love at White Tantric Yoga? Well it was very experiential, but she taught me to feel, and to be a witness. Looking at Tess next to me, struggling to do the 62 minute meditation, watching the pain in her eyes. Feeling it and knowing that I can't take it on. I mustn't struggle because she is. Love is not that. Love lifts.
The examples of real Love are those memories that exist as images as Joan Didion explains them "with a shimmer around the edges, about to disintegrate." These are the images I don't always understand but which wont go away. The image of my uncle, crying into his mustache, giving by dying mother his most loved possession, a ripped up jean jacket, to show his devotion to her. The images of my new born child's fuzzy elfin ears. A rusty hammer on a workroom bench, sawdust all around.
I feel cheated that I didn't learn about Love right from the beginning. I had pain and love co-mingled. Until God wiped the slate clean. But nothing is lost. The slate is still there, and the slate was meant to write on. And about writing... it is somehow tied in with Love.
If the Word was with God and God is Love, then technically the Word and Love are inseparable. What does this mean for me? It think it means I must always write if I want to dwell in Love. Just like I must meditate every day if I want to dwell in Love. The Word and words are my everything.

In some languages, Poet and Prophet mean the same thing. Last year God told me that I was a poet even before I came here. That this is a high calling.


At the time of these Love lessons I was also teaching a writing class that incorporated imagery journeys to help the students with their creativity and other things that come up for them when digging deep. It was awesome, and I would sometimes take the journeys myself. Here is an account of one of my journeys that I wrote down around the same time of the last entry.


"A woman who looked like Galadriel was my guide....We swam to the bottom of the Lake and then broke the frozen bottom and swam deeper to a cave and opened a door. She said if you want to do the best writing, you have to go deeper. She pulled out a box of rubies from the cave. Said they needed to be brought into the light. I only wanted to bring one or two, thinking I would leave the others there safe. She said I needed to take them all. They will replenish themselves if I take them all. Swimming, we pushed it to the surface. We bobbed up and took it to shore. Then Sarah came with some others and they all started admiring and then wearing the gems. Then we all lay down in the sun to dry and the jewels just sparkled on us.
Then C.S. Lewis showed up and some others. They said the key to the best writing is opening up to Love. People who know how to love--that high vibration comes through their writing, even when they are writing about low-vibrating things. Like C.S. Lewis wrote about Hell (The Great Divorce) and about devils (The Screwtape Letters) but they are such high vibrating books. Then all the people who were there touched my heart and gave me their love. I asked if they would come when called as creative inner guides and they all said yes. 
I feel like I have just been handed my life."

Thursday, July 23, 2015

40 Days of Love Lessons - Part 1

I have been keeping this close to my chest. This journey was just for me...and I was grateful for that. I am actually a very private person and there is a lot I don't share. But now God/Soul says it is time to share. The hesitancy I have with sharing my Love Lessons is that Love is such a loaded word and it can be nearly impossible to talk about it without it being convoluted by everyone's own contorted filter. But I have promised to do my best. I share this not out of any desire for anything except to help a few people have a more pure experience and understanding of Love.


At the beginning of the year, I was trying to choose my word for the year and when I thought Love, God/Soul said "No, Peace." Peace kept coming up, and so that was my word. For months I thought about and was intentional about Peace.

Peace, I learned, is a pre-requisite for Love. One cannot truly Love, whatever you think it means, without first being at Peace within. Ironically, my journey toward Peace led me through some flaming fires, mostly internal fires, specifically on my 25-day fast, which had the sole, simple intention of Peace. That fast had some unexpected results. Peace being a much larger thing that I had thought at first. If you haven't read about it that you might just have to as a pre-requesite to these posts. But it's up to you. Look up the fasting posts. I'm to lazy to link right now.

Basically at the end of it, I was told that all of my generational healing and chain breaking was done.

What I didn't write about at that time was what happened next. It was during the first meditation of the day at White Tantric Yoga in Los Angeles. March 31. My unborn daughter (who I have known for about 6 years now and whom we will call Sarah), appeared in front of me and told me "Now that all the generational healing is done, it's time to learn about Love--because everything you have ever learned or thought about Love is convoluted or wrong." She reminded me that there are many voices out there saying "Love is...." but that in this, as with all things, I needed to use the Spirit and my discernment. Is this true? Is this Truth? One thing I realized is that for most of my life, pity had been mixed up with Love. Explains a few of my relationships...

She then gave me a transmission..... which is not something I can describe in words, but she put into my body a seed of Love so pure and profound that I couldn't mistake that something was being beamed into me.

There was another Angel with her, who I recognized as Mary Magdeline. I realized that both she and Mary Magdeline were very high loving souls. Mary was one of the most Love-filled souls to ever walk on this planet, so it is no wonder she walked it with Jesus, for whom she was a great support and vibrational match.

They told me that for the next 40 days I would receive many angelic visitors and other messengers who would teach me about Love.

This was the beginning of an epic six weeks that has changed everything. This is where my story begins.

I'll try to condense all the goodness and magic and learning that I can share into just a few posts in the next week or two when I can post them. Till then, Peace and Sat Nam.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

What's In A Beard?



I offer this quote without comment. It is from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. If you haven't read it, it's great. It's a fictional book of letters from one devil to another younger apprentice devil about how to best tempt and try his assigned human "patient." The kicker is at the end of the quote. :) 

I haven't yet got a report from you on young women in the neighborhood. I should like it at once, for if we can't use his sexuality to make him unchaste we must try to use it for the promotion of a desirable marriage. In the meantime I should like to give you some hint about the type of woman--I mean the physical type--which he should be encouraged to fall in love with if "falling in love' is the best we can manage.   
In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you an I. It is the busienss of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual "taste." This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses, and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely. Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all females--and there is more in that than you might suppose.
-- C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Chapter XX

If you don't know about the benefits of men covering their moon center (on the chin) you can read some about it here. 

More about hair for men and women.  

Feel free to post about your current or changing experience with beards in the comments. By the way did you know there is a word for people who love or are attracted to beards. Pogonophilia.

Post your favorite beard pics here too if you want, or on FB. Sat Nam.




Where do you find the time?


"A morning or evening practice of meditation and Kundalini Yoga is the only thing I know that generates time. Time is the most common complaint I hear. Where is the time to do something good for myself? Where is the time to meditate? The answer is meditation gives you time back in multiples of what you put in to it. How? We waste a tremendous amount of time by losing our focus on what is really important. Meditation hones that focus. We also make mistakes because our mind drifts and becomes unconscious with daydreams and unintentional thoughts. Meditation clears the subconscious and helps you keep your clarity. It lets you be present to what you are doing. We also lose time because we do not see resources and opportunities that are already present. We narrow our view under stress and pressure. Meditation integrates the broad lens of the mind with the narrow focus of action. So there are many ways that time is saved as you go through your day alert, energized and victorious." - The Mind: It's Projections and Multiple Facets, by Yogi Bhajan PhD

Monday, July 6, 2015

What Are You Committed To?


Did you know that happiness is the object and design of our existence? Okay just a reminder. But how do we get there? Did you know that Yogi Bhajan gave us 7 Steps to Happiness Here they are:

1. Commitment
The first step is commitment. Commit to kindness and compassion. In every life you are meant to commit. That is why the word is commit-meant. Commitment gives you CHARACTER.
2. Character
Character is when all your characteristics—all facets, flaws, and facts—are under your control. Yin and yang meet there, totally balanced. Character is a pattern of behavior where you can clearly answer and stand before your own consciousness. Character gives you DIGNITY.
3. Dignity
Dignity is when you act as a god for another. People start trusting you, liking you, respecting you. Dignity will give you DIVINITY.
4. Divinity
Divinity is when people have no duality about you. They trust you right away. They have no fear about you. Divinity is when you put yourself and your life on the line to serve another person or a creature. Divinity gives you GRACE.
5. Grace
Where there is grace, there is no interference, no gap between two people, no hidden agendas. Grace is when you’ve developed a presence that works. Grace gives you the power to SACRIFICE.
6. Power to Sacrifice
The power to sacrifice is when God sits in your heart and presides in your head. You can stand any pain for another person. That sacrifice takes you to HAPPINESS.
7. Happiness
Happiness is when you can be thankful for the chance of being these seven things.

I love that the first step is commitment. Some people think that they can jump right to sacrifice, but they can't.... It doesn't work that way. Commitment is the bottom line. 

But commitment to just anything won't work. If you are unhappy, investigate your commitment and ask yourself what you are committed to. Some people are very commited to their neurosis. Some people are very committed to their illness or victim status. It's okay to be committed to these things. It's your choice. But it won't make you happy. I think about all the time that people spend on these commitments and I have to tell you a little secret--being on the spiritual path is wonderful and blissful and it takes the exact same amount of energy. No more. No less. But the results sometimes are not as immediate. But same amount of energy. 

My friend Mandi was intolerant to gluten and lots of other things for years and finally she decided she wanted to spend that time and energy on trying to be healed rather than on being gluten intolerant. She asked God how to do it and He told her, and she committed.  And guess what? After a few months of regular fasting and her other prescription from God (a meditation) she heard Him call her name and say "you are healed through my power." 

My friend Khusbir jokes that people are intolerrant of so many foods now becuase it is not PC to be racist or predjudice against people anymore. There may be some truth in that, sadly. I'm not saying these things aren't real. I'm just saying that all healing comes from one source. If you heal yourself through essential oils, or through food, it still came from the one source. If you haven't recieved healing, look to the source first and there may be a surprising answer. It may take time, but it's a do-able good journey with God as your guide. 

I had a friend whose mother was in a car accident and couldn't work for a while and was on disability. She wasn't really that injured, but it was a chance to collect disability and sort things out. But instead of getting clear, she spent the time and money and energy on a small claims law suit against the other driver. It was seriously all she talked about and complained about and it was months and months over less than $2000 dollars. When she finally dropped the energy of it she was able to make 10 times that in the same time period. It takes time to recognize our patterns, because we have to be strong enough to handle the truth. And then it can take time to change them. But The Great Do-er is loving and giving and patient. 

I invite you to commit right now to changing the patterns. To healing, kindness, and compassion. 

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Back From the Land of Enchantment


I just returned from the 2015 Summer Solstice Event in New Mexico at Ram Das Puri, the sacred land Yogi Bhajan was given by the Hopi Indians after they sat in council and decided he was the one their legends had spoke about - a man in white who would come and prepare the world for a savior.
Walking the land in a spiral on International Peace Prayer Day.

It was a very intense experience. Camping for 2 weeks was totally doable. 100 degree days was totally doable. Cold showers ever day was totally doable. Goat heads stabbing your bare feet and even through your shoes is not fun. The Solstice Mono diet was doable. Keeping white clothes white in the dust and dirt was an adventure. But the best part for me though is being awakened by a group of singers at 3 am singing "Rise up sweet family dear, the time of the Lord and remembering Love is here..." Then doing 2.5 hours of Aquarian Sadhana outdoors in the Tantric Shelter with several hundred other people--some days up to 1000 ppl. That was epic. Praising the name of the Lord and chanting at the sun rose was the most tender and wonderful part of the experience.

There were so many beautiful experiences, learnings, and also lots of triggering things--which I think is what it is supposed to do. It helps you get over your stuff really fast. It's a harsh environment. I had a pile of bloody Klenexes next to my cot every morning because my nose felt like the only way it could hydrate itself was to bleed every time I blew it. And there were plenty of tantrums the first few days from all the kids... But I'd do it again every year for the rest of my life.... and I'd bring my kids every time. In fact, my daughter evened up loving it and staying longer for the kids away camp. I think it was so refreshing for her to be with other kids who get her yogic life.

The good thing is that in 6 months, there is Winter Solstice, which is the yin to Summer's yang. Winter Solstice is held in Florida on some sandy, grassy beach where you could go barefoot the whole time. No goat heads. It's a sweeter, more maternal experience.

I was thinking about this and how whole meeting as a group every 6 months is a lot like the General Conference of the church held twice a year. Luckily those are in April and October so they don't conflict. But the intenion its similar. To renew. To get an infusion of "the word" and take it back to your every day life and be better.

While I was there I did White Tantric Yoga and I also snuck away one day to Albequerque and went to the temple. It was an amazing juxtuposition going from one to the other just a day apart. I realized that they are also very similar. I have written about White Tantric Yoga before, but basically it is an amazing opportunity to uplevel and deep clean your subconscious. The benefits of one day of WTY are equivalent to 10 years meditating in a cave (for 12 hours/day). And though many people do WTY several times a year and some as often as possible, I learned that Yogi Bhajan said that you only need to do White Tantric Yoga once. This made me think of the temple. We only go through the temple and receive our endowment once for ourselves. We still receive benefits when we go back and do work for our ancestral dead, but it is really only once that it is needed for us. Super interesting to think about the implications of WTY if you think about the ordinances of the body, which I wrote about in this chapter of my book. 

There is a ton more I would love to share with you, but for the first time in my life, there are things which have no words. Maybe over time, there will be. Who knows. For now, here are some pictures.

We drove down with a friend and her kids. We stopped in Moab for food. The kids were amazing the whole way.
Amarjot and I at the Tantric Shelter

My tent set up was pretty great. I have a tent castle. I could stand up inside it and Amarjot had her own room and her own front door. I borrowed a cot from the cousins and had things hanging on hangers. It is really nice to be off the ground. Yet grounded...:)
The vie from home sweet tent. That is a clothesline out there and not a powerline. 


The dining tent against the sky. Summer Solstice 2015.
Kids camp begins. They gave a presentation for us at Peace Prayer Day
White Tantric Yoga in the Tantric Shelter
Yogis lined up to use the Port-a-Potties during a break at White Tantric Yoga.
Santa Fe. Outside the museum.
Art in Santa Fe

For my Karma Yoga I volunteered one day in the kids camp and went river rafting down the Rio Grande with these 9-11 year olds. Armjot is on top of the pyramid.

Our river rafting guide
On the Rio Grande Gorge bridge.
Amrjot decided to stay for Khalsa Youth Camp.

Kombucha Poison

Did you know Kombucha is one of the worst things a yogi can drink? Yet yogis and other healthy people all over the world are touting its probiotic benefits. As a kundalini yogi and a Mormon I live a life style that is alcohol and caffeine and drug free.

Kombucha is made by taking black tea and sugar and then adding mushrooms which then eat the black tea and sugar and poop out alcohol. When it was first released on the market it had to be pulled because the alcohol content was too high. Lately somehow they have gotten around it and most people believe it has none or only trace amounts. The truth is it is an alcohol base.

I watch in amusement as my yogi friends go to Kombucha bars, and when I read large signs outside restaurants that say "Kombucha on Tap."

I see people carry jugs of it like moonshine. An alcoholic will feel the buzz right away but the marketing on this "medicinal drink" has been very aggressive and no one wants to admit that it might not be so good for them. 

In chineese medicine there is a saying that all medicine is part poison. So if you are not sick you shouldn't take medicine.  

Yoga and meditation is super healing and purifying and expands your aura. If you then go and drink some alcohol, it immediately shuts it down. And depending on your constitution it could take days, weeks, months or even a year to get the damage out of your aura. To me it's not worth it. This may also be the reason why some people are not seeing the results that they want with thier practice--because things in thier lifestyle are slowing or counteracting all thier progress. 

You don't HAVE to do all the yogic lifestyle things to progress on the path to enlightenment. But if you don't try some of them, you won't know if that is the one thing that makes a big difference for you. Such as eating a plant based diet, or growing your hair, or cutting out alcohol or other harmful substances. These are experiments that won't harm anyone. And they might make a huge difference. 

If you are looking for probiotics there are lots of better options that don't have an alcohol base. Such as Kifir or yogurt. 

Sat nam. Forgive errors please. This was written on the road to New Mexico.