Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Chakras and the Two Trees in The Garden of Eden

Writing a book is so humbling.  Every day I learn more and am challenged more. Sometimes is is related to choosing the perfect word. Usually it is when I receive huge downloads from the higher realms and I realize how little I know or how long I have struggled against the flow. 

This past few weeks I have been trying to write about the chakras and the kundalini in a way that my audience will understand and I have had some big downloads of information. This is sort of a sneak peak at some stuff that might be in the book. Or not. I am still not sure what more God will download to me. 

Chakras (sanskrit word meaning "wheels") are swirling vortexes of energy. The vortex is the most powerful force in nature (tornados, hurricaines). The chakras basically act as knots that hold the physical and spiritual/ ethereal bodies together. They transfer spiritual information back and forth and are centers of transformation. When they are open and balanced, spirituality can flow as well as health and good energy. When they are not, the opposite happens. That is kind of the basics about chakras. 

Here is the spiritual macro-cosmic mind exploding part about chakras. 

It all goes back to the Garden of Eden and the two trees. When Adam and Eve partook of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, this planet became a polarity planet and there was "opposition in all things." Before that, God had created man (in his image) and put into him spirit. Perhaps the chakras already existed in the body then, but I believe they didn't become "wheels" or swirling vortexes of energy until there was opposition. It is this opposite nature that creates the powerful swirling effect, like the clash of cold and hot air that makes a tornado. 

When Adam fell, from the presence of God, the fall was actually quite literal. His consciousness fell from the higher chakras to the lower and all that they represent (survival, sex, identity, will, power, etc) and most of man's life force and his true spiritual nature became locked up and coiled up below the fourth vertebae. That is the mysterious and powerful force the ancients called kundalini. And it is the goal of every spiritual practice to unlock this kundalini (whether they call it that or not) and raise it (re-turn it to God). The definition of repentance is re-turn to God. It all makes so much sense to me. 

Here is the brilliance in the design. Polarity is what causes the chakras to swirl. This vortex swirling is the most powerful force. It is through harnessing this force and the other two opposing forces of the prana (life force) and apana (destroying, eliminating force) and pressuring them within the temple of our body by using very sacred and scientific technology, that we can unlock the kundalini and raise the consciousness back up to the higher centers and to God. 

God obviously knew this and so the first thing he did before he sent them them out of the garden, was to give them a little bit of this sacred technology. Then when they proved trustworthy and faithful, he gave them more. Then more. If you are familiar with kundalini yoga and are an endowed member of the Chruch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and go to the temple often with an awakened understanding of what we do there, you may understand what I'm hinting at. 

For now I will suffice it to say that when we combine a raised consciousness with the power of sacred ordinances that God has revealed in his Latter-day temples, we can rise to a level of purity and power that is above and beyond maya (the facade of polarity), come into the presence of God and become like God, who does not live in a polarity state. (God has no opposites. He only allows them to exist here for our benefit till we raise to a level where we don't need them.) 

That leads to the next tree, but I'll let you ponder that.  

What this realization finally helped me put into words (that make sense to me), is that happiness and sorrow are the opposites that cause the heart chakra to swirl, and both are sacred. Grief and pain are a part of the journey. The trouble we get into is when we start having painful feelings about pain and being angry and bitter about it, which is our choice, and which is what I consider the real definition of the word "suffering." 

I spent much of my life bouncing between highs and lows, and added plenty of suffering when life was low. For a few years though, and especially this last year, it has been different. This year contained some of the lowest lows and most sublime life altering highs. But through it all, I felt I was in the hand of God. Even in the midst of an enormous bonfire, as Lani described it, I could feel that it was sacred, and I was elevating to a whole new level.

mid painful burning
mid breathtaking wah!

 I don't believe it was pain that elevated me, but my ability to see it as sacred, to sincerely praise God for it all, and my daily practice of doing and so. THAT is what enabled Him to succor me on such a deep level (one definition of succor is: go beneath!) that more of my true divine self (kundalini) was uncoiled and even while burning, I could feel total serenity and joy, which I believe, has no opposite. 

Perhaps this makes sense to someone else besides me. Please let me know. I am hoping to have it make sense in my book/manual.  

For the macro-cosmic mind explosion about the second tree, you might have to wait till my book comes out. Of course, if you have some thoughts on it you want to share, feel free email me privately. 

Sat Nam. Wahe Guru! Happy New Year too.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

This Trip Around The Sun

On of my best friends in the universe got to visit me over the Winter Solstice weekend. It was wild to have a whole weekend with her without her kids. But the timing worked out and they were old enough and my offer enticing enough so we made it happen. It was awesome. We walked among the orange groves and among the dead. We frolicked on the beach and pretended to be dolphins.

Here are some pictures.





One highlight that I don't have many pictures of is the evening of winter solstice. (I do have video but Lani hasn't approved it yet.) We went to a festival of lights at the Ojai Foundation and joined a group of random people from all paths to celebrate the solstice and watch the sunset.

 Then we lit a fire (with sticks, the old fashioned way) while chanting and singing and banging on drums, and carried it to a fire pit that a Chumash medicine man would keep watch over all night to make sure it kept burning through the longest night of the year. Then we took the flame to the council house--a round wooden building and set it in the center of a spiral made of pine branches and wooden stumps. We each go a candle and walked into the spiral in silence to the central flame and lit our small candles and then spiraled out and set them somewhere along the spiral on one of the wooded stumps. It was a deeply beautiful and spiritual experience. There seemed to be choirs of angels singing.

It was a great way to start a new year. Winter solstice is the actual new year, in case you didn't know. New Years Day is nothing special, although this year it is, because it is also a new moon. Winter solstice is kind of like a new moon (only way more powerful), because it is the beginning and there is that same inward quietness with little interference, so it is a great day to do deep inner work. And we did, as we walked and as we shed our old skins and later, as we did our own work.

I have a feeling this trip around the sun is going to be best one yet. Also, I had been pondering my word for this new year and I finally got it that night. Also got a few other things.

My special selections/intentions for this trip around the sun:

Word: Wah! (This is like joy, but better. It is the first part of Wahe Guru. It means the totally ecstasy and bliss of God.)
ElementFire  -Think flaming swords and wheels (chakras) afire (Daniel 7:9)
Virtue: Meekness 
MantraUng Sung Wahe Guru (Means: Every cell in my body has been changed and is now resonating in the total bliss of praising and loving God. )
Scripture Mantra: Praise to the Lord whose mercy endureth forever. (2 Chronicles)
Meditation: Still working toward 1000 days of my current meditations.
Go-To Pranayams: Alternate Nostril Breathing, Breath of Fire

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Zion: Consciousness and Covenant

Andy and I recorded Episode One of our podcast: Zion: Consciousness and Covenant. Finally. It will be on iTunes next week but it is on Spreaker now, if you want to listen or follow there. If you have been reading my blog then this first podcast might be elementary for you, but we plan to go deeper and to give very useful tools as we go along--tools that I can't share as easily on my blog.

It's also fun to have a new format. I love hearing voices of people that I read or have read for years, especially my favorite poets and authors. Andy is a little bit talk radio-ish, but we can't really blame him for that, it is his job. And I am not at all, but I think it is a good dynamic and will offer something for everyone. Here is our first episode. Sat nam.

Oh and here is the website for the podcast. It will be the place to go for all the resources mentioned on the podcast and to sign up for our e-mailing list. Zionconsciousness.com

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

You Already Are What You Are Becoming - Awesome Christmas Repost

I gave a talk on Christmast day 2011. It was awesome. I hypnotized the whole audience and we all were better for it. :) I think it was inspired and now I feel inspired to repost it. Merry Christmas. 

Good morning and Merry Christmas. My name is Felice. And I’m new to the ____ward. I would like to honor everyone for being here today on this beautiful Christmas Day. And I would like to invite everyone age 4 and up, (because this talk is for all ages,) to put down whatever you may have in your hands, (unless it’s a baby)  place both feet on the floor if you can, and take the deepest breath that you’ve taken all week. And whatever it took you to get here today, just let that go, and just listen as I read you a poem:

4. Mary’s Visit with Elizabeth

It all went well from the very start,
Although sometimes when climbing she was aware
Of the amazing thing far inside her body.
Then she would stop, and breathe, on the top of a high
Hill in Judea. It wasn’t the land around her,
It was her own abundance that surrounded her.
As she walked she felt: No woman will ever
Have any more largeness than I have now.

And she recognized a longing to place her hand
On her cousin’s big belly, farther along toward birth.
The two women bent toward each other;
Each touched the other’s dress and touched the hair.

Each one, full of her own holy treasure,
Found a safe place at the side of her kin.
Ah, the savior in Mary was only a blossom
But the joy of it roused the little Baptist
In the womb to hop and leap about.

That was from Rilke.

And now, I have an important message for everyone here. And it is that you are all smart and good and you have within you the ability to achieve beyond your wildest imaginings. And because it’s December, and the New Year is just around the corner, perhaps you have already been thinking about some of those dreams or resolutions for change that you’d like in the New Year.

Well, what I am here to tell you, is that what you project onto the future, is actually here now. In this moment. The dream or change that you desire, has already entered your heart and is no longer even there any more. It’s now in your blood stream.

I shared this part of Rilke’s poem from The Life of the Virgin Mary, because I love the image of baby Jesus as a little blossom in the womb. And how Mary is just beginning to feel the wonder and awe of her pregnancy and the changes to her body.

We know, but we sometimes forget, that Mary did not become Christ’s mother at the moment of his birth. He had to grow inside her, underneath her heart for 10 months, just like all babies get here.

And that is how almost everything works. Almost everything grows inside of us, and then is born. In fact. Rilke, the same poet who I just read, is famous for saying “Everything is Gestation and then birthing.” Gestation, for the kids who are listening is just a fancy word for pregnancy. And when he’s saying that, he’s not talking necessarily about human babies. But we grow and birth other kinds of babies all the time--like, a beautiful art project, or a book, or a change in behavior. All these things grow in our hearts for a while before we may actually make the art piece or decide to get baptized or to get married or become a superhero.

My daughter, Phoebe, told me 9 months ago, when she was 4, that when she grew up, she wanted to be a prophet. And so I asked her if she knew what was involved with prophet work. And she said no. So I told her, that according to the Bible Dictionary prophets (not to be confused with THE prophet), prophets teach righteousness, and they testify of Christ, so any of God’s people can be prophets or prophetesses. And she thought about that, and she realized that she was already doing that, and I agree, she is a great prophetess.

Phoebe also wants to be a mom when she grows up. And even though she doesn’t have a real baby. She is such a good momma to her kids.

So whatever your intentions are for the new year. I’d love to invite you to embrace the idea of how you already are, or do or have what you want and hope for.

We know that Jesus Christ, as a wee little baby, did not know everything about of his divine mission at first--the scriptures say that he grew “from grace to grace.” But that didn’t change the fact that even as an infant he was the Savior of the world.

Another example is Adam and Eve. Both Adam and God, when they were talking about  Eve, called her the mother of all living, before she ever had a baby.

And thousands of years before Jesus was ever born and did his Atoning for our sins and sadnesses,-- everyone on earth including Adam and Eve, could use to the benefits and power of the Atonement, as if it already happened.

When I think about the young Virgin Mary, I’m sure that that the angel’s visit to her was not the beginning of her relationship with Jesus. She had to have already known that he would come, and loved him.

Just like even though my daughter is 5 years old. My relationship with her has been much longer than that. And, I was an author long before I ever published a book. And I was a healer, long before I ever knew I would become one.  

I think it’s wonderful, that even though we know Jesus was really born in the spring time, that we celebrate His birth in December, just a week before the birth of a new calendar year when so many people decide to be better. And it’s because of Christ and his life, that we can do that.

Birth stories are magical and inspirational (especially the ones in my book). And I think it’s no mistake that one of the most powerful and most told stories in the Christian Cannon, is a birth story. And that baptism, that first ordinance that gets us in the door to Christ is likened unto birth.

If I could have one wish for everyone this Christmas day it would be that we could all take that pure, wonder and awe and miracles-are-possible spirit of Christmas with us into the New Year, and remember that everything is gestation and then birthing. And whatever your goals, even if you can’t tell the birth story of that goal yet, remember each step of the journey has value. And by appreciating each day and each step, you honor the pregnancy as well as the birth. And if you ever feel stretched or heavy along the way, perhaps you’ll stop on a hillside to breathe and recognize that you are carrying holy cargo, and perhaps it is not heaviness, but abundance that surrounds you.

And if I could have a second wish it would be that we can all recognize in each other, the good fruit we are each gestating. And have joy for each other and for what we are becoming, like the little John the Baptist, who hopped and lept about for joy in Elisabeth’s womb.

And I say all of this in the name of our savior Jesus Christ, amen.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Imagination As the Key to Reality

"Gifted people are able to use their imaginations to create new things; both wonderful and terrible. Some people come to this earth with their powers of imagination already well developed, and I saw that some of them misuse that power here. Some people use negative energy to create harmful things--items or words that can destroy. Others use their imaginations in positive ways, to the betterment of those around them. These people truly create joy and are blessed. There is a literal power in the creations of the mind. Thoughts are deeds."
"I understood that life is lived most fully in the imagination--that, ironically, imagination is the key to reality."  Betty Eadie - Embraced By The Light
As a healer, one of my favorite modalities is therapeutic guided imagery. I guide the client into a peaceful, safe, trance state and then invite “images” to come. The journey is semi-guided. I am only the facilitator and I make sure the journey stays safe, healing and elevating. Sometimes we invite a guardian angel, an inner guide, or Jesus Christ himself, and the client describes what they are seeing so I can guide them to a therapeutic outcome. Sometimes we find a person’s inner control room and they go in and move some dials that control happiness, or physical pain. These imagery “journeys” as I call them, are in truth, visions. And anyone who has ever taken one with me or a similar facilitator, can vouch for this.

 When I was young I used to think that the visions Nephi or Abraham or Moses had were different than my own personal revelation. I used to think that when they were “carried away” on top of a high mountain, that they really were taken to the top of a mountain. The truth is, they were “carried away in the spirit,” and their bodies were usually still laying on their bed.

The Book of Mormon Prophet Lehi - "And it came to pass that he returned to his own house at Jerusalem; and he cast himself upon his bed, being overcome with the Spirit and the things which he had seen. And being thus overcome with the Spirit, he was carried away in a avision, even that he saw the bheavens open…." (Read the whole story in 1 Nephi 1)

Lehi's son Nephi, also a great prophet - "For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot." (Read the whole story at 1 Nephi)

Lamanite King Lamoni - Fell to the earth and seemed dead for 3 days. When he came to he shared his vision and was a totally changed man and changed his whole kingdom. (Read the whole story in Alma 18-19)

Book of Mormon Prophet Alma - Fell to the earth and seemed dead. When he came to, he had seen a vision of Jesus Christ and was a totally changed man. Became one of the greatest leaders and spiritual teachers in the Book of Mormon. (Great story. Mosiah 27)

Biblical Prophet Abraham - “…the word of the Lord came unto Abram in a vision…” [this is when God promises him offspring like the sands of the sea.] (Gen 15:1)

Moses - Moses was caught up on “an exceedingly high mountain” and sees God “face to face,” God says “look and I will show you the workmanship of mine hands….” God shows Moses world without number. (Amazing vision: Moses 1)

Daniel, Ezekiel, Isaiah, Aaron, Miriam, Hannah, Mary....The list goes on. 

If you look up Visions in the Topical Guide, you will also see many references to Dreams. While some of these scriptural visions that are called dreams may have occurred during REM sleep, many likely didn't, but dream was the best way they could describe it. Visions, like imagery journeys, often have a dreamlike quality—in that you are totally engaged in all of your senses, and it feels real.

The truth is, you are not engaged with the five senses of the physical world—or the natural man. There is a yogic saying that the five senses will always lead you into the illusion (or maya, as the yogis call it). But when you close your eyes and “imagine” using all of your senses, you access higher senses--which leads one closer to reality.

Many people get their best revelation when they are between sleep and wakefulness because it is only time they are quiet and restful and when what they know as "reality” is already blurry. A friend recently had a horrible fever that lasted for days, and she told me that when she was delirious she saw two angels standing beside of her taking all the bad stuff out of her and putting in sparkly stuff. (Her words.)  She wasn’t sure if it was real or if she was dreaming. I told her it was totally real. Angels are always around us doing the will of the Lord in answer to our prayers. She was just detached enough from this reality to see them. So if you have ever had an experience that you wondered if it was real, the answer is probably YES. (Unless you were smoking weed or something else, and then I can't vouch for your experience.)

The good news is that you don’t have to be delirious or even have your eyes closed to have a vision:
“And when Balaam saw that it pleased the Lord to bless Iseral, he went not, as at other times, to seek for enchantments, but he set his face toward the wilderness [meditation!].. and the spirit of God came upon him…[and he] saw the vision of the Almighty, falling into a trance, but having his eyes open.” (Num 24:1-4) 
When I guide my clients through an imagery journey, we are consciously choosing to leave the known world and enter a different state. This trance state is sometimes called “hypnosis,” named after Hypnos, the Greek God of sleep. This is a relatively new term for a state that has existed for eons--but it is a misnomer, because although a person in this state may look asleep, it is more of an awakening or enlightening that is happening. Some mystics called this state religious ecstasy.

In some of the above examples, the prophets were not seeking a vision. For example, Lehi was exhausted and was casting himself on his bed. Others were seeking revelation, and believed they could get it--like Nephi. Boy did he get it, and more.

Not only is it okay to seek for and ask for visions/revelation, but according to Joseph Smith, and the Bible Dictionary it is essential for our progression and “Without revelation, all would be guesswork, darkness, and confusion.” (BD)

….Continuous revelation from God to His Saints, through the Holy Ghost or by other means, such as visions, dreams, or visitations, makes possible daily guidance along true paths and leads the faithful soul to complete and eternal salvation in the celestial kingdom. The principle of gaining knowledge by revelation is the principle of salvation. It is the making known of divine truth by communication with the heavens… (Read full entry here.) 

When you go on a therapeutic imagery journey, it begins with the simple act of imagining. Imagination is sometimes thought of as child’s play. Indeed, we are commanded to become as little children. In my experience, it is through this relaxed and submissive state that we gain access to the higher self and higher realms.

As the journey progresses, the “images” that form and the communication that happens, ultimately does not come from your own imagination, but from a higher source. Clients feel this. And they want more. The truth is, we all need more of this.

The best thing about therapeutic imagery is that you don’t have to wait for morning. You don’t have to worry that they might be nightmares (they are always awesome and uplifting), and the interpretations/implications, are much more available to your conscious mind. They also change you. That is what the Holy Ghost does. It is a game changer.

It is through the power of the Holy Ghost that people are “carried away in the Spirit.” There are a few scriptures in 2 Nephi 32 that I love. The first one says "feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." A verse later it says “For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.”

Seems redundant, but it’s not. The words of Christ will tell you what you should do. The Holy Ghost will show unto you what you should do. It is a perfect balance between what we can do (study the scriptures/words of Christ) and what God give us through grace and by the power of the HG which can communicate to us through our spiritual senses in vision, or in auditory visions, or whatever way we will understand.

Science has proven that we see less than 1% of reality. Prophets have also more or less told us this. So, for a year now I have been praying to see things as they really are, and my ability to see has grown exponentially. My daytime normal average is now 2-5% of reality but this is nothing compared to when I am in deep meditation or in a hypnosis imagery state, where I see about 40%+ of reality. (For real! And it's nothing like this reality.)

As I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to be on your death bed to have visions. You don't have to be suffering. You just have to be in an open and receptive state where you mind has let go of control and is basically like a child. Most people don’t know how to get to that state without going to sleep (or dying).

But I know how. And I know how to help people into that state easily. It begins, always, with imagination. Our imaginations are the key to so many things, not just revelation, but also to creation, and causation (causing things to happen). We are divine beings, whether we believe it or not and as such, whatever we create mentally, becomes reality—spiritually first, and then it manifests into physical reality later, in some form. (Many people use their powers of imagination for worrying. Worriers have great imaginations.)

The power of the mind and the ability to imagine is the basis for all energy/faith healing and the key to lasting change. For those who need help letting go of the distraction of the dishes in the sink, the background noise, the temptation of brownies baking, there are several things that can help. Meditation is one. Another is to have a trained guide or facilitator.

Unfortunately, not enough people have this skill or training. I think that it is more powerful than any of my other tools, except meditation, because it gives the power to the client and lets them have an experience all their own.

Ojai Valley
This has been gestating for a year, but I am now officially announcing that I will be offering a therapeutic imagery facilitator training in July of 2014. It is open to anyone who wants to learn. There are no pre-requisites required, only an open heart. I would also love to invite all licensed therapists and others already working in the healing arts to do this training and become a therapeutic imagery facilitator. 

Training will be one week in July 14-18, 2014 and it will be held in Ojai, California, convenient to many beautiful vacation spots if you want to bring the whole family. My colleagues and I have both taught at an accredited college of hypnosis and trained all kinds of people in imagery from gang members to large groups of therapists. I have a payment plan and early bird pricing, so be an early bird.

If you have never taken an imagery journey and would like to try a good basic special place journey, you can download a free MP3 when you subscribe to my hypnotherapy newsletter. This will give you just a small taste of that trance state and what is possible in it. (Never listen while driving!)

Here is the link to register for the upcoming class. This will be a live class and there will be no recordings or virtual participation. In person practice with partners and is highly essential. If you are already in love with this modality and can't get enough, the answer is yes, you will get loads of personal journeys and probably work through a decade of your own stuff, too. Space is limited, so register as soon as possible.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Can the Murderer Be Redeemed?

A few weeks ago in church we had a guest speaker who has some sort of calling that involves visiting members of the church (or anyone interested) at the prison. He shared some very interesting insights. First, I learned how many times the word prison appears in the Bible, Book of Mormon, D&C, etc... It is a lot. It is often a metaphor for the state of the unrepentant and the unconscious, bound carefully in the devil's fine flaxen cords.

He told us about many of his visits to the prison. Once, a young man asked if there was any hope for him. He was in for some other crimes, but the real sin that he wanted to confess was that he had killed a man.

I think it is a big misconception that the murderer can never redeemed. Murder is one of the most serious of sins. It is "an abomination" to the Lord, because it involves another human soul. But the murderer also has a soul. And I think we need to be careful... Nothing is of more value than a soul. So when our speaker (who didn't have an answer for the sorrowful murderer) talked to the Stake President, he was instructed to bring him back a message of hope: "Never let that man give up hope of being redeemed."

I have read the scriptures on this and I have found different things. One says "he that kills shall not have forgiveness in this life or in the life to come," but many many other scriptures, while seriously denouncing murder, still offer hope. This one from 1 Timothy:
Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, (1 Tim 1:9)

There are also many examples in the scriptures of murderers being redeemed--for example and entire group of people called the People of Ammon--sometimes called the Anti-Nephi-Lehis. They had been a blood-thirsty people who "delighted in the shedding of blood."When they were converted to the Gospel and vowed never to take up weapons again even in self defense, because they felt such remorse for all the killing they had done before.

There are also many murders in the scriptures that I don't really understand, yet I accept and trust that God does. Here are just a few examples:
  • In one of the first few chapters of the Book of Mormon, in an unprecidented act, God commands Nephi to kill Laban--not during a war or in self defense, but when Laban is passed out drunk. (1 Nephi 4:10)
  • In the Hebrew Bible, it is briefly mentioned and then glossed over, that when Moses was young, he killed a man. This is why he was hiding out for several years herding sheep, until a nearby bush started burning. (Genesis)
  • David, the famous King of Isreal, who seems to have been a favorite with God, lost some status after the murder of Uriah incident, but not all his status. (Sam 12:13, D&C 132:39)
I have a friend who married a man who was in prison for murder. She is not crazy. She is lovely. She was a reporter and met him inside. I read an early draft of the book she wrote about it. It opened my eyes to some things. (They are no longer married if you are wondering. But you can read the book if you want. It's called Desperado's Wife.)

In truth, I think there is only one sin that cannot be forgiven and that is a sin against the Holy Ghost and I'm still trying to figure out what that exactly means. I think it means that you deny the God/the gospel/the truth after having a knowledge (not just a belief) that it is true. I don't think very many people in all the history of mankind fall into this category. Not even Hitler. Maybe Cain. A few others who knew God and then turned on Him.

When I started writing this post a month ago, I had no idea why was writing it. I thought perhaps someone out there might need to read it. Then I had a momentary freak out where I was afraid if I posted it that someone I knew would be murdered and I'd have to practice what I preach and forgive. But then I realized that in fact, there have already been several murders in my family tree.

Mom's side: My great grandfather. I knew he died in a mental institution, but I recently learned that there was suspected foul play. (Head injury may not have been accidental.)

Dad's Side: My biological grandfather (the one I didn't know about till I was older. Read all about that here.) Murdered execution style in the back of the head outside of Las Vegas. Body was found in a sand dune several weeks later. We suspect he was running with a bad crowd. Mafia perhaps.

The crazy story that came out of that is that when I finally tracked down this side of the family and found out I had all these living relatives in Detroit, I learned that my cousin (would have also been grandson of murdered guy) was also murdered. He was shot in the back in a Detroit night club. The sad irony of this is that he never knew anything about his grandfather or his death, yet he repeated it.

At the old Ojai Jail. 
When I realized I had all these murder victims in my DNA I did some energy healing on the victim stuff, and on my own (shocker alert) deep dark desire to murder. Okay, let's be clear. I don't have any desire to murder anyone anymore. I am so healed, but a few years ago I did have a very real desire to commit murder. I was very conflicted. The part of me that knew what was right always won, but it was a wrestling match for a few years. I won't go into details, but I once asked my bishop at the time, who was a friend and knew my situation, "Is it okay to pray for someone to get hit by a truck?"

He said, "You can't pray for that, but you can always hold out hope."

I love him for that. Appropriate humor is sometimes the only thing that saved me.

Well, though I felt totally healed from those years, I found that there was still some belief about murder hiding out on my brain stem and causing me a lot of fatigue, and I had sent that "part of me" that wanted to murder to go live in a metaphysical dungeon. When we the belief away and brought my soul fragment out of the dungeon, I felt my radiant body expand immediately and I almost shouted Wahe Guru.

Writing on the wall from the 60's in the old Ojai city jail.
It is my belief that the murderer can be redeemed. Of course, repentance or re-turning to God is a process. The depth of the struggle and tears it takes to turn around seem to be, and rightly so, in equal proportion to the wrong done. But it doesn't take forever.

Perhaps someone out there needs to read this. And if so, I hope that it finds you, and that you never give up hope for yourself or your family member or friend. Always have hope in brighter days can come.