A Return To What Was Good -- Surrender
The New Age has been selling us all on the idea what we can manifest anything and do anything through the power of positive thinking. I am not going to say all of that is garbage, because there are certain energetic laws that do work, and powerfully. BUT, I have noticed, that belief in these teachings, combined with perfectionism, fear of loss on control, or fear of uncertainty (and other issues) can lead folks into an unhealthy focus on manipulating the future.
Don't get me wrong, for the most part, we are here to evolve from a passenger mentality to a driver's seat mentality. God is on board with us dreaming up and manifesting. We can and do.
Until it doesn't work. Because even though maybe one has great spiritual power and the Universe has one's back--at some point you and the Universe won't have the same plan. And no matter how enlightened one is, that plan is not being revealed but one day at a time.
By writing this is the third person I am not trying to fool you. This is also my story. It's a story that cycles around. I relive it every few years. And this is when, if I am not feeling too sorry for myself, I recognize that life is wise, and I slow down and surrender.
Surrender is an every day, minute-to-minute task sometimes. It involves prayer, study, waiting, impossibly waiting. It involves breathing through and looking at uncomfortable emotions rather than reaching for an anxiety reduction behavior (addiction). For me, it involves a daily cup of Jesus.
What I have found most helpful in this surrender process, is to breathe, and mentally look for Christ's face and lock eyes with Him. I did this the other night and I had a wonderful experience. I was just breathing. Started to feel peace. And then I had the thought. What if I dropped all my fear?
I was suddenly able to see and name all the fears I was holding. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of losing money, of having money, fear of too much work, fear of death, fear of being homeless, fear of being bullied, and on and on. And then, just as suddenly, I was able to imagine what I'd do without them. I would move forward! I said aloud, surprised by how easy it seemed.
Jesus said he'd hold them for me in case I needed them back. I could always take or leave them. He honored my choice.
At that moment, I decided to move forward. I ran upstairs and opened a notebook to write something I needed to write. And I couldn't believe it, I had already written it. It was there in the notebook almost all done. I had done it months before but had forgotten.
I have often reminded my students and clients that we lose resources when we are stressed. Boy was this a surprise to see just how much I had also "lost." And how cool it was to "find" it again.
When I am in surrender my prayers have to change too. I have to totally let go of specifics and have to pray only for my highest good. There are benefits to both types of prayer but when you are recovering from trying to control your life, the totally non-attached kind is essential. And praying for others is essential--for their highest good too.
I have been in surrender mode for a while now. Probably because it takes me a long time to really surrender. I think I have done it and then I run off and try to control things again. Or I think that sitting home and crying is a good form of surrender. Not really. Then finally, day by day, I do the things, and I give it to God, one day at a time like the Anonymous groups steps recommend. And I work the steps and here I am.
I am a writer and I love to be able to put a coherent narrative on things. I am also a therapist. I like to analyze why things happen and what the root cause is. I have learned that this is NOT helpful in this stage. It's another form of trying to control and manage the unmanageable. Just being still within myself, sometimes the why may come, but it's usually much different than what I would have found if I had gone looking.
Wherever you are on your journey I hope this helps you. If you are really feeling at rock bottom, (life is totally unmanageable) then I would say congratulations. That is step one. And I recommend reaching out for a 12-step group. People will get you. They will love you and accept you as you are.
Don't get me wrong, for the most part, we are here to evolve from a passenger mentality to a driver's seat mentality. God is on board with us dreaming up and manifesting. We can and do.
Until it doesn't work. Because even though maybe one has great spiritual power and the Universe has one's back--at some point you and the Universe won't have the same plan. And no matter how enlightened one is, that plan is not being revealed but one day at a time.
 |
| The ocean. Mother of us all. I reset with her rhythms. Surrender is much easier if I can visit or at least look at her a couple times a week. |
By writing this is the third person I am not trying to fool you. This is also my story. It's a story that cycles around. I relive it every few years. And this is when, if I am not feeling too sorry for myself, I recognize that life is wise, and I slow down and surrender.
Surrender is an every day, minute-to-minute task sometimes. It involves prayer, study, waiting, impossibly waiting. It involves breathing through and looking at uncomfortable emotions rather than reaching for an anxiety reduction behavior (addiction). For me, it involves a daily cup of Jesus.
 |
| This book has great daily short meditations on Jesus with 2-3 scriptures. A friend sent it to me and I like it. Thanks friend! |
What I have found most helpful in this surrender process, is to breathe, and mentally look for Christ's face and lock eyes with Him. I did this the other night and I had a wonderful experience. I was just breathing. Started to feel peace. And then I had the thought. What if I dropped all my fear?
I was suddenly able to see and name all the fears I was holding. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of losing money, of having money, fear of too much work, fear of death, fear of being homeless, fear of being bullied, and on and on. And then, just as suddenly, I was able to imagine what I'd do without them. I would move forward! I said aloud, surprised by how easy it seemed.
Jesus said he'd hold them for me in case I needed them back. I could always take or leave them. He honored my choice.
At that moment, I decided to move forward. I ran upstairs and opened a notebook to write something I needed to write. And I couldn't believe it, I had already written it. It was there in the notebook almost all done. I had done it months before but had forgotten.
I have often reminded my students and clients that we lose resources when we are stressed. Boy was this a surprise to see just how much I had also "lost." And how cool it was to "find" it again.
When I am in surrender my prayers have to change too. I have to totally let go of specifics and have to pray only for my highest good. There are benefits to both types of prayer but when you are recovering from trying to control your life, the totally non-attached kind is essential. And praying for others is essential--for their highest good too.
I have been in surrender mode for a while now. Probably because it takes me a long time to really surrender. I think I have done it and then I run off and try to control things again. Or I think that sitting home and crying is a good form of surrender. Not really. Then finally, day by day, I do the things, and I give it to God, one day at a time like the Anonymous groups steps recommend. And I work the steps and here I am.
I am a writer and I love to be able to put a coherent narrative on things. I am also a therapist. I like to analyze why things happen and what the root cause is. I have learned that this is NOT helpful in this stage. It's another form of trying to control and manage the unmanageable. Just being still within myself, sometimes the why may come, but it's usually much different than what I would have found if I had gone looking.
Wherever you are on your journey I hope this helps you. If you are really feeling at rock bottom, (life is totally unmanageable) then I would say congratulations. That is step one. And I recommend reaching out for a 12-step group. People will get you. They will love you and accept you as you are.
What a blessing it was to "find" this blog post almost six months after you posted. I needed this then and still need it now. I am guilty of trying to manipulate my future rather than surrendering. Thank you for sharing how a 12 step program can help me to surrender and move forward. I am at step one and ready to move toward true surrender. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
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