Saturday, July 21, 2018

Guess What

I got married.

I've been keeping my love life quiet for a long time. Much of that time it was because there wasn't much happening. It was a choice. Then I made a different choice and was really truly ready (not just telling myself I was ready) and then of course it was only about 2 days and he showed up in my orbit and I did lots of the mental work to conquer all the fears and clear all the PTSD that came with being in a relationship that I knew was headed toward marriage.

I'm so grateful I did! At every milestone of commitment I received so much healing. And so when he asked me to marry him and I said yes and we were thinking about how to do this wedding thing, I knew I just wanted the benefits of the next level of healing. So we eloped. Last month. It was amazing. Here is a video with some pictures.

We got married under a giant mother oak tree in a secret garden in Ojai by a friend and only 2 people were there besides us and my daughter and of course, my wonderful photographer friend.

I did have an interesting thing happen during the ceremony. Right before I was supposed to say "I do," I fainted--or that's what it looked like to everyone else.  But I think I left my body and was with the angels for a while (felt like weeks of floating on a peaceful bliss cloud) and then they sent me back to my body with some sort of healing I needed right before entering this new phase of my life. Then I came to and at first was very confused but then I realized where I was and I said "I do!" Then there was a lot of laughing. For days. I was so blissed out. It was amazing. Still am.

So maybe I'll write more later but for now,  here's what everyone wants to know.

We met online.
He lives out of state still so he commutes here on the weekends till he can find a job and move here to Ojai full time)
He does a 2 hour morning kundalini yoga and meditation practice with me every day (online)
He was baptized Catholic at birth, loves Jesus, and loves all religions and spirituality.
He goes to church with me every Sunday he is in town.
My daughter loves him.
He loves her.
We don't plan on having any more children at this time.
He is originally from San Diego and Ventura county and lived here most of his life.
He is outdoorsy and smart. His job right now involves protecting the environment.

Monday, June 4, 2018

Providing- The Next Level

A few years ago or more I went on a prosperity journey. I have really been on it this whole time, but sometimes you don't realize you are moving till the big leaps. I recently had a big leap. And just so the universe could prove it to me, a grasshopper landed on my yoga mat while I was doing a prosperity kriya, and stayed till I was done. I looked up grasshopper medicine in my favorite animal totem site and they explained that the grasshopper is symbolic of leaping forward, as well as other things.

Just to be clear, prosperity encompasses a lot of things, not just money, but lets talk about money. It's the big one. I had some bad programming about money for a long time. I made huge progress a few years ago using my awesome tools and I felt like I had it all figured out. God was my rich father, and I was all taken care of. Nothing left to worry about. I put in my order, and like a vending machine, what I wanted or needed showed up. I have written several blog posts about this in the past, and one that stands out particularly to me right now about providing for women.  In it, I basically said I had it all figured out (because I had dealt with all my limiting unconscious beliefs) and I encouraged everyone to root out their own limiting beliefs.

Well..... Ha hahahahahaha. There was more to learn. It seems that there are always higher laws and the Soul doesn't rest for long before it is ready to progress again.

Basically for the last year and a half or more I was in this weird place of struggle. I was living a life of bounty and was surrounded by abundance. I live in a citrus orchard for heavens sake. If you want to understand abundance, go visit a citrus orchard. There is so much abundance that nature can drop half of it on the ground and there is still plenty for all. Yet I wasn't fully partaking.

God was showing me: this is how abundant I am, and how it can be for you.  Yet a lot of areas of my life were not working that way. It seemed that I was energetically vomiting up the prosperity that They kept trying to give me--not just financial, but in other ways, too. I'll get to that later.

I have had about a billion new downloads this spring that I am ready to share with everyone who is ready to receive them, but I can't do it all in one blog post. So I'm preparing a webinar presentation soon. But for now, I want to share a couple of things about providing because I can't just leave that old post out there without an updated next level now that I understand there is another level.

Let's skip all the back story even though it is important. No one seems to have an attention span for blog posts anymore. Here are the cliff notes.

After the Thomas fire, I had to do some healing so I was doing it with a great person I trust. (Every good therapist has one!) One of my big issues was with the word "Enough."  There are lots of good connotations for that word-- such as the hebrew root: "to rest," and the Hawaiian meaning: "connected to God." But in my subconscious enough was a trigger. Nothing about it worked no matter how I spun it. We discovered that the image I associated with the word enough was an image of my mother emaciated and dying of cancer. She was in her bed and someone came over and brought her a tangerine. She hadn't eaten much fruit in a couple years because she had been on a special diet trying to cure herself of cancer. At this point, I think she knew cancer was going to win and so she ate the tangerine. And she was obsessed with how yummy it was. She couldn't believe it.

That memory is sad to me. The way I saw it, she didn't enjoy the sweetness of life for so many years because she was trying to fight cancer. And who knows maybe her diet did help her, and maybe there were other forms of sweetness in her life...but in my subconscious, I saw this as really unfair. 

It's super ironic that I now live in a TANGARINE orchard. And though I have been enjoying the sweetness of a lot of tangerines, in a other ways I was doing the same thing as I saw my mother--living in a flow of sweetness and not able or allowing myself to enjoy it fully.

Why was I doing this? Only now do I know that in some twisted way, my subconscious was producing this behavior as a way of making life fair.  If my mother didn't get to, then I shouldn't either.

Wow! Perfect logic to the child-like subconscious, but not at all serving my life now. So I changed the program, using one of the many tools in my vast toolbox. Immediately, the vending machine seemed to be turned on again. I was offered some huge prosperity miracle--an impossible thing that became possible, worth many thousand of dollars. I also had my daughter's school agree to adopt a yoga curriculum. I had been a little unhappy with the way her last year at school went. I wasn't going to send her back to school there. I was not sure where I was going to send her. I was thinking I would have to start my own middle school where we did yoga every day. But now I don't have to. Her school was perfect, it just needed yoga every day. Now she will get that, and all the kids at the school will benefit!

Even though I thought I had dropped back into the flow, I wasn't done yet. Not long after, another huge trigger word came up about providing. If you read my old blog post you can tell I really hated the idea of a woman "providing." I was ok with women working and having careers and being power people but I felt like they shouldn't have to provide. It was like a dirty word.

When I did the work I saw I had a false belief that someone else should provide for me because I was not capable. Which is weird because I obviously think I'm capable enough to start my own school or write a book or make a movie or travel the world or help people heal from serious trauma.

The image associated with the word provide was a spider sucking the blood of a fly. Ha! I had all these distorted ideas, probably from Mormon collective consciousness, that the man is supposed to do that job and if I do it I am usurping the man's role and I'll emasculate him or I might not ever get a man that provides because why should he when I am already doing it. I'd just attract takers who will suck me dry, etc, etc. Those were the hidden fears and beliefs.

The thing about false beliefs is that when we don't know they are false and we believe them we only see evidence that supports them as being true. That's how the mind words. Tricky. This is why it's manifestly helpful to have a teacher or therapist who understands the subconscious and can help you identify the blocks when you are ready.

I felt frustrated a lot the last year and a half because things didn't come as easy. I used to be able to just give that to God and let HIM take care of it. And it wasn't working that way anymore.  I kept thinking I was doing something wrong or that God had abandoned me for some unknown reason.

What was happening was that in most areas of my life I was unified with God: creating, capable and prosperous. But In the things I classified under the subheading of "providing," I was not unified w God. I was giving away my power and hoping someone else would do it for me.

What did this look like? Well, I could buy tickets to Europe or to the opera, no worries. I could feel fine buying things for decorating the house, but paying for the house or groceries or paying for school tuition was super stressful to me.

I couldn't let it go using my "figure it out brain."  I had to use some tools I had that would take me to a higher level. What tools and how is for another conversation. But magically, after years and years of this pattern, poof.

I felt the change. I looked out the window at the cute succulent palate against the guest house wall and thought about how God and I together (unified) can easily provide both the necessities and the beautifies of life for my family. And how a good man (like my current sweet heart) can do the same. Both partners can do both. Neither has a monopoly on one way of working with God. 

And though in the past, church leaders may have felt and said that fathers/men were best equipped to provide the temporal needs of the family and the mothers/women to do the nurturing, I realize that our understanding of these words, and the idea of equal partnership, needs to be examined. When my eyes were opened, there were much deeper layers. 

I keep thinking how Jesus Christ contained all the qualities that are sometimes divided up in the masculine and feminine traits. But he contained all of them and so in order for us to be like Jesus we need to each (male or female) develop all of them too.

Then when both parties in a partnership contain all these qualities and are truly equal partners, it creates such a powerful prosperity energy!  Some of the back story I skipped is that I have been dating a wonderful and stable man who is both a provider and a nurturer.  I just didn't know this was possible because I didn't know there were men like him. I have only been able to see and allow this as I have changed my false beliefs. It's been a slow un-peel. But not that slow, I guess. Some people never get out of their patterns--especially financial patterns.  

So since this healing it is just as joyful to earn the money that goes for the house payment as it is to earn money that goes for the retreat to somewhere great. Because they have to get paid, so I might as well let go of resentment about it and enjoy co-creating with God. So while I enjoyed prosperity before, there seemed to be a flux around the days "provider-type" bills were due! Now my client schedule is steadily full with people happily paying my full rate. I will soon have to start a waiting list for new clients. But they won't have to wait too long, because I am doing the best work of my life (with God) and people are leaping and healing so quickly. My retreats are selling out. But the biggest prosperity in my life is that my boyfriend (now fiancee) does sadhana with me every day, and my daughter is happier than she has been in a few years. God and I! Providing bountifully together. Yay! 

I acknowledge that there will always be more to learn, and things will shift again and again as life shifts. Providing is a practice I now see as not just temporal but deeply spiritual as well. 

*I wish I could write a whole book with my recent mind exploding downloads but you'd have to wait a year or more. So stay tuned to my newsletter and I'll be sharing some prosperity healing and leaping tools and practices in a webinar soon.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

It's Official - Level One Teacher Training Coming to Idaho in 2019

I have an announcement to make.

Prayers, miracles, changing outcomes through the radiant body: all those are a real thing. And thanks to them, I can make this announcement today:

KRI Certified Level One Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training is coming to the beautiful and serene land of Southeast Idaho in the spring-summer of 2019.

This is something I dreamt of being a part of for a few years, but didn't know how it would ever happen. Also, this teacher training will never be held on a Sunday, which is important for me, and I know for some of my people who would like to attend. To do this, we had to structure the training in a unique way--which could be a challenge for some--but it will also be more convenient for those who are traveling a repeated number of times to attend it (like me, and the other trainers.) There are a few other super special things about this training, but I can't unveil them all now. You will learn about them as you register and prepare to join us there.

So I invite you to check it out and register early if you are interested. There are early rates and payment plans.

If you don't know, Level One teacher training is a 200 hour yoga teacher training that only happens in person and you get certified through the Kundalini Research Institute. And it will transform your life.

All the details are at this link.  But I have also listed the dates below for your convenience. The training location is approximately 30 minutes from Pocatello, 7 miles from Lava Hot Springs, and 1.25 hours from Idaho Falls, and an hour from Logan Utah. There are accommodations on site for an extra nightly fee. But they are limited and all this should also be reserved early.

This training will take place over 4 weeks spaced between April and September. Training weeks begin Monday mid-afternoon and end mid-day Saturday. There are no trainings on Sundays.

April 15-20, 2019
​May 27-Jun 1, 2019
July 22-27, 2019
September 9-14, 2019

Learn More Or Reserve Your Space Here

*Nursing babies are welcome at the training. However, older children are welcome to stay home with other caregivers. Pls contact us with specific questions.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Poetry of Portugal

This week I announced that I will be hosting a retreat in Portugal in September of this year (2018). In anticipation of that I have been getting to know Portugal by it's poets. One in particular I have already fallen in love with: Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen. She recently passed in 2004 but her poetry is all super concrete, accessible, and well, just gorgeous. She achieves a lot with a little. (Most of her poems are short.) I'll share one here:


Green-muscled ocean
Idol of many arms like an octopus
Convulsive incorruptible chaos
Ordered tumult
Contorted dancer
Surrounding the taut ships

We traversed row on row of horses
Shaking their manes in the trade winds

The sea turned suddenly very young and very old
Revealing beaches
And a people
Of just-created men still the colour of clay
Still naked still in awe
Translation: 2004, Richard Zenith 

I thought I wanted to do a retreat in Croatia, but Portugal kept calling me back to it, especially the beauty and wildness of the southern region called the Algarve. There is something about the beaches and the mountains and the stars that calls surfers and poets and yogis alike. And suppose I am all three. So it will be a retreat with all of those things in it. I expect that it will be different than any other retreat I have done. I can't say exactly how, but I can tell you it will be cozy, fun, poetic, creative and healing.

The theme is rebirthing, but people don't really come for a theme-- they come because their hearts call them. I think maybe this time I will call in more couples, and maybe more Europeans or East Coast yogis. I find, and you can verify if this is true for you, that as soon as I announce a retreat or as soon as people commit to coming, we all start to feeling it working on us already. So by the time we get there, the healing, the land, the space is already gently in process. I already feel a great sense of wellness and possibility.

One of the best things I have ever heard said about poetry was by Neil Gaiman. In a short story he wrote, he essentially said that you can't hear a poem without it changing you-- that in essence, it colonizes you. I like that. And so here is one more poem by Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen that will hopefully colonize you. And maybe you will want to come to Portugal and experience whatever it is we will experience together.

The Navigators

Multiplicity makes us drunk
Astonishment leads us on
With daring and desire and calculated skill
We've broken the limits -
But the one God
Keeps us from straying
Which is why at each port we cover with gold
The sombre insides of our churches

Translation: 2004, Richard Zenith 

Here are a few pictures and a link to learn more and register if it's calling to you. It will be a small retreat, so please register soon. Early bird pricing ends April 30, 2018.

Learn more and Register Here Now