Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Church of The Firstborn - The Ultimate Love Lesson

I will skip the rest of my Love Lessons journey and get to the most important stuff.  It feels like I need to say less nowadays and those who are ready will get it.

What I learned from my Love lessons is that Love is the beginning and the end. It is everything. If we are not Love then we are not fully alive. Love is not an emotion or sentiment. It is not something you do. It is something you are. The purpose of all religion and spirituality is to lead one to fully embody that identity. Religion and ordinances and yoga and mediation and healing... they are only steps, and everyone's path has different steps. Though I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and draw a lot of other truth into my circle from many other places, none of that matters so much if it doesn't bring me to be Love.


The truth is that there is a higher organization that is not governed by worldly structure. It is called the Church of the Firstborn. Jesus taught me about it.

The Church of the First born is a gathering of the uniquely righteous from among "every nation kindred tongue and people"

John Pontius wrote: "It may be important to note that the Church of the Firstborn is not an earthly organization. It does not own buildings or land and hold conference every six months. This is a sacred society whose highest officer is Jesus Christ and whose members are those who have been ushered into his presence and there received the endowment of Zion and thus membership in this august body."

In the early days of the Christian church there is evidence that there may have been both a general body of members and another, special body known to Paul as he wrote to them in his letter to the Hebrews  "To the general assembly and church of the firstborn..."(12:23)

According to the Doctrine and Covenants, the Church of the Firstborn enjoy the privilege of receiving the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, to have the heavens opened to them.. and to commune with other member of the church of the Firstborn and to commune with God him/her self and with Christ. (D&C 107:19)

The Doctrine and Covenants mentions the Church of the Firstborn at least 10 times. It is something to consider and study. My understanding of it, from my experience, is that it is made of people who have learned to be Love. It is made up of saints who dwell in his presence. Who dwell continually in Love. It is made of up of yogis, saddhus, saints of every age and religion and race and tongue. Some living, some passed on and some in between living in some translated state.



Some Mormons think that only they can be members of the Church of the First born, and might ask what about the essential ordinances? And I ask in return, what about them? If they are essential then the members of this body have them. Remember that time is not a linear thing. To God, who exists in the eternal Now, all is as it should be. Just as Christ's Atonement was retro active and future active, so are any and all essentials. It is way more important to figure out Love than worry about who is going to be at the party with you. Just be Love. I can't tell you how to do it because it is not a doing thing. But I do believe it is a fruit of some things I have been doing, which have aided me in shedding all other identities and allowed me to be only the true identity.

Does this church have meetings? Yes. They do. And members may attend them without even knowing they have. But they are most love filled gatherings in the pluriverse and the love that radiates from these gatherings spreads so far and wide and is so strong these days that whole worlds benefit.  If you are curious about this, I invite you to join me. Ask and trust and let God lead you to Himself/Herself, which is the True You.

Many blessings. Sat Nam.






Love Lessons Part 6 - The Sea Turtle


I went to Hawaii in April and spent time on two islands. The island of Kawaii is very special. This is where I learned about Aloha. In Hawaii they use Aloha for hello, goodbye, and love. But Aloha is actually an inocation of the divine. So of course it is love. And Mahalo (traditionally thought of as the word for "thank you" is actually a blessing of the divine.



As you step off the plane in Kawaii you feel the aloha. Not all beaches or tropical islands in the world have the same energy. Some have very dark energy. Kawaii is peaceful and light and abundant and wild. I was there for a Level 2 Yoga course, which was challenging and which taught me a few things but the most important thing I learned in Kawaii happened in the ocean.

I was snorkeling on my day off and saw a sea turtle gliding along under the water. I matched her pace and swam up and down in undulating patterns. She poked her head up and I poked mine up. It was surreal to be with her. I had explored the whole reef and seen amazing colorful extraveganzas of fish, but nothing compared to her. We were in shallow water and there were no other fish or visible plant life. Hawaiian waters are so clear because they are basically a desert. There are very few micro-organizms to cloud the water.

I drifted with the current and watched her. Suddenly there were three turtles. Playing. They had no fear of me. It was like I didn't exist. They flew gracefully through the water with their lets like wings. There is a rule that you aren't supposed to touch them, so I didn't swim toward them I just floated. But the current began to draw me near to one... the one I had been following. She turned and looked at me and we made eye contact and she gave me a transmission mind-to-mind.

Not "the" turtle but another one. Mine was twice this size.

I knew it had happened but I couldn't say what it was she transferred to me with out words. but I had it. And later I would unpack it, slowly. Since then I have learned that it is about not needing words. It is about communicating and healing through your presence.

This is the essence of Sat Nam Rasayan. It is the heart of Christ consciousness.  Sat Nam Rasayan is the healing technology that Yogi Bhajan gave the world and Guru Dev Singh helped put into words and teach it. It was originally taught in silence. Transferred from master to student. Sat Nam Rasayan is not Kundalini Yoga. It comes out of the fruits of Kundalini Yoga though. It is about healing through your awareness and your presence. Sat Nam Rasayan means healing in the name. Which I believe is the essence of what Jesus Christ did. He did everything in his Father's name. Which is the name of Love. Which is all of our true identity.

True Divine Love heals without any techniques. When a person becomes the Love that they truly are, their true identity, people are healed just by being with them.

I know a few people like this. Not enough. Thankfully, I know the sea turtle, and she is there inside me every time I need an anchor to this peaceful, playful, Love Force.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Love Lessons Part 5 - Desires and Desireless



Amarjot and I looked forward to Sat Nam Fest so much. This year we planned to go for the whole event and the first two days proved to be as amazing as I hoped. Full of bliss and "super-concsious ecstasy." Then on the third day God put a teacher in front of me that I did not expect. She is not the kind of person I'd normally be drawn to as a teacher, but He told me that she was a teacher for me and that I should book a private Sat Nam Rasayan session with her.

So I did. When I went in to see her she asked if I wanted to work on anything specific. I thought no life is pretty good, but if you could help me release anything standing in my way of feeling superconscious ecstasy all the time, that would be great. She told me I would get bored of it. I would then be looking for the next thing.

I was totally offended. Guh! No I would Not!

She totally burst my bubble of bliss as I realized that I had fallen into the trap of getting attached to non-attachment. Attached to the bliss. And life is not always superconscious ecstasy but it can still be a life of Love. So I was a bit moody for a day and in a daze as I processed the fact that I was still getting caught in addictive patterns. Luckily, the work we did and that I was doing at Sat Nam Fest helped me clear it super fast. I realized how fast energy is moving through me now when I woke up in the night in my tent with a migraine and then thought, "oh well."

I woke up an hour later and it was gone. I woke up an hour later with another migraine and then in the morning it was gone again. I don't know what went through me but I was changed fast.

It's hard to describe how I felt after that other than just a little more stable, grounded.

We came home from Sat Nam Fest and had a few days to prepare for Hawaii. I spent those days thinking about God is Love. If God is Love then Love has all the attributes of God. One of my favorite mantras names eight different attributes of God. So I went through them one by one.

Gobinday (sustainer) - real Love sustains
Mukunday (liberator) -real Love liberates one from bondange. I believe I wrote about that here.
Udaray (enlightener) real Love enlightens--because God is Love and He enlightens.
Aparay (infinite) - Love is infinite. Real Love that is God is of course never ending and infinite
Hariang (Destroyer) - Love destroys illusions and sorrow. Real Love does. The false kind of love creates more illusions
Cariang (Creator) - Should need no explanation
Nirname (Nameless) - God has so many names and yet is nameless and has names that no man knows. It is the same with Love. So many names/faces and yet to truly know Love there is no name for what is found in the experience.
Akamay (Desireless) - no earthly desire. This was the Aha for me.


I was thinking about romantic love and how this had always been my problem. I wanted a lover who....xyz. For example, one X tall, Y shape, and with XYZ religious affiliation and liked to do ABC in his spare time. Some things on my list were flexible and some things I was really fixed on.  I realized that in several of my past relationships I had gotten everything on my "list," but they didn't make me happy, and several of the things that I "got" suddenly changed and I no longer had them. Such as a man who was mentally healthy--that changed quickly. Physical health can change quickly. Also, membership or activity in the church can change quickly.  So what does a person do then, when they are suddenly married to a person, or in some sort of partnership with a person who is no longer what they had signed up for? I realized that true Love is not about wanting someone to be any certain way or a certain thing. It is about loving them for who they are and where they are at the moment. Most people just want to feel accepted and loved for who they are. That's why we have all the problems we have in the world. People are just mad that they don't or didn't feel loved unconditionally. Most relationships I see are strained because of wanting the other party to be different.

I realized that if my only desire was for God, then it wouldn't matter what my partner said or did or was, because I would know with absolute certainty that I was loved and accepted. And when I can radiate that same love and acceptance for others, life is a lot more joyful. There is no struggle. No tension.

I realized that any time I feel tension in any relationship it is because I have got attached to wanting the other person to be a certain way or to think the way I do. The trouble with a point of view is that it already creates a separateness. If you become very fixed in your ideas and beliefs, then you have to defend them, and it creates need-to-be-right syndrome. This creates a lot of tension in relationships and in the body. Why does one need to be right? Why not just be with God and ask God to show you himself in the other person. If we all did this there could be world peace. [It would take the world some daily cleaning of the mind's reactionary patterns and feelings of unworthiness, but it would be worth it, don't you think?]

In fact I just read a scripture this morning that illustrated the sad point of what happens when people get fixed in their beliefs even if they seem to be in the name of love. It was Mosaih 9:1-2. So sad.

I, Zeniff, having been taught in all the language of the Nephites, and having had a knowledge of the land ofNephi, or of the land of our fathers’ first inheritance, and having been sent as a spy among the Lamanites that I might spy out their forces, that our army might come upon them and destroy them—but when I saw that which was good among them I was desirous that they should not be destroyed.
 Therefore, I contended with my brethren in the wilderness, for I would that our ruler should make a treaty with them; but he being an austere and a blood-thirsty man commanded that I should be slain; but I was rescued by the shedding of much blood; for father fought against father, and brother against brother, until the greater number of our army was destroyed in the wilderness; and we returned, those of us that were spared, to the land of Zarahemla, to relate that tale to their wives and their children.

So I idendified some of the most fixed "desires of my heart" and examined them. Even though they seemed like really good desires that I have been taught to want my whole life, I realized that they were the things causing me the most pain, because I had no control over them and they were not actually what mattered most. When I turned my desire completely to God and not any earthy desire, including love relationships, I realized that I had something better. Then amazing things started to open for me and my earthly relationships got way better! I was finally getting this Love thing. Which is a perfect time to go to Hawaii.

Until that episode, please share: Have you had an experience where you released wanting people or a specific person to be a certain way. Please share your experience.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Love Lessons Part 5 - At-One-Ment, Superconscious Ecstasy

One night, a few months before my love lessons began, my daughter Amarjot Kaur, guided me on a quick imagery journey. She took me to my special place and there I was under my big tree. Amarjot asked if there was anyone with me. I realized there was a woman. It was Heavenly Mother. 


 Amarjot asked if there was anything I wanted to ask Heavenly Mother. I was so overwhelmed with love/peace/happiness/awe at being with her again that I had forgotten that one could do this in journeys. I paused trying to remember any question that still seemed relevant. Finally Heavenly Mother said, "why don't you ask me what question you should ask me?"

So I did. 

She told me to ask her how she became Mother in Heaven. 

So I did. 

Her answer: "I learned how to Love." 

That was the whole extent of the journey, but it left me pondering for a long time after and left Amarjot baffled, because she thought that she knew all about love and therefore why wasn't she HM? This was months before my Love Lessons began and so when they did, Amarjot had a special interest in everything I was learning.

So one morning I was revisiting some of the cliff notes of what I have learned so far: 

  • God is Love. And therefore Love is a power. Therefore, the Piscean attempt to convolute and dilute and confuse it. 
  • God=LoveGod=The Word. The Word=Love.
  • The Word= Sound Current. Therefore: Listening is important to Loving.


I asked Amarjot what she thought about all this. 

She said, "If God is Love, then in order to understand love you have to become God."

Of course! This was very deep for an 8-year old but not so deep if you know her. So I began to ponder At-one-ment. Dwell in God=Dwell in love.

How did she get so deep? She came that way. 

Next I realized 

  • Man was made by God=man was made by Love. All the earth was made by Love.
  • The Atonement or At-one-ment was the greatest act of Love ever accomplished.


These scriptures suddenly seem very deep:
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.  And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

In seemingly simple terms, Jesus outlines the whole science of yoga—the way of divine union through meditation.  Jesus was the ultimate example of this. He loved his father with his whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. 

love Jesus.

Jesus taught people to “pray without ceasing.” Can you imagine? I can now. When you love God so much that you just can't stop praying and praising his name. Yogananda called this a superconscious ecstasy.  It's better than the most satisfying sleep or dreaming. He says “ten million sleeps cannot describe the joy of this ecstasy.” This is how I felt the other night when I woke and the angels were working on me. This is worth anything it takes to experience.

Yoganada says:  “It is through the portal of man’s love for God that God enters into oneness with him, a union that liberates him from the bondage of delusion.”

How true! I feel like I have been liberated from the illusion layers at a time, but this is the ultimate liberation, through Love. 

Amarjot and I at Sat Nam Fest West 2015.


More to come about my fast track education in Love. Till then,  Sat Nam. 


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Love Lessons Part 4 - The Heartbeat of God

I stood in a meadow looking at the vast sky, where a giant eagle was making his way toward me. He had a note in his talons. He dropped it into my hands and then landed, waited for me to read it.

The note told me where we were going today.  It was not a walking journey, so we both extended our eagle wings and flew. We flew beyond the sky and around the moon.

On the back side of the moon, I was surprised to find the city of Enoch. The eagle knew which house we were going to. It was the home of a woman named Mary. When I saw her brown hair and oval face I knew I knew her before. And she knows my Sarah. They are good friends. She also knows Mary Magdeline--is named after her.

She put her head on my chest and began listening to my heartbeat. She left her head there for a long time. So long in fact that I began to wonder if time had stopped. If I had gotten stuck in a journey that would go no further. I turned to the eagle and asked what to do next. He said, just be in this moment. Let her listen to your heart beat. It will last as long as it needs to. It's not always important to be moving to the next thing.

So she listened and I held still and I learned from her that if God is Love and God and the Word are inseparable, then Listening is important. Because what is the power of God, Love, or the Word if there is no ear to listen.

She let me know all this just by putting her ear to my chest. I also learned from her that I am not hopeless or unlearned about Love. But that this is what I came here to do. That I was destined to be a great Lover. A high loving soul.

She said to take time every day to listen to my own heartbeat. And to listen as I chant mantras, as I speak, as I think. Listen as I write. Listen.

I thought then of Jesus Christ at the Last Supper. John tells us that "The disciple Jesus loved was reclining next to Jesus ... He leaned back on Jesus' breast." (John 13:23,25) Most people think John is referring to himself when he talks about the disciple Jesus loved, but Hugh Nibley makes a great case for it actually being Mary Magdeline, even though the text refers the disciple as a he. Either way, it is precious to think about and put one's ear to the heart of God.

Then every citizen in the city of Enoch came and kissed me, to show their support of me. It happened in just several moments, like a flash of wings.


Then the eagle departed and Mary Magdeline and Sarah both came and brought me to a healing pool, dipped me in it, and made me promise to freewrite every day and get to know Love more through writing and listening.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Love Lessons Part 3

A few days after my initiation into the Love Lessons I woke up in the middle of the night feeling the most intense joy I have felt in my life. More joyful even than having a baby, if you like that sort of thing. It was even more Real that that. So much Joy and Love that it could have no opposite. I felt like I was bathing in something. I could almost not suck in the air it was so rich. Angels were in the room, but I have felt angels in the room many times and nothing like this. In this Love there was no fear of lack or of separation from that Love. I wasn't worried it would end and so I fell blissfully asleep again soon after. I think whatever I was swimming in must have reverse aged me 10 years. In the morning I was sort drunk on it and my total YES to all of creation, and I realized that Love is everywhere. It is not something one has to look for or try to create. It is in the breeze. It is in the air we breathe. If you have read the  Prana chapter of my book you know that prana, which comes in with the air is the same thing as the Light of Christ. And since He was Love... 


The following journal entry was written probably shortly after the middle of the night intoxication.
This entry is not about leg hair. It's about Love. But at the time, I was having a journey with leg hair, so it may figure prominently in this entry.

"What can I write about Love except that I do know of it. I do know the way it feels to have the breeze blow through my leg hair. Dear breeze that came all the way from across the world and over the ocean cooling, surfing, making waves and rustling leaves and feathers, and then coming to lift the hairs on my legs. To ruffle them, caress them. That sounds sexual. But it was a deeply sensual experience the first time I felt the breeze blow through these newly grown hairs.  
I am so deeply in love with the breeze for being exactly as it was. For suprising me, for knocking me into the realm of the magical. If everyone could feel this they would stop shaving too. Part of me was missing and now it has regenerated and can wave at the poppies like my arm hairs do. Oh arm hair, I stopped noticing you ages ago, but I would notice if you were gone. 
Thank you breeze.  Thank you universe for breaking my razors after New Years. The armpits were easy. I liked them right away. I pet them like little bunnies. They were soft and powdery. Sensual and special. They seem to be a flag, waving. How wonderful it must be to be a flag, waving. Like loose fitting clothing on a breezy day. At one with my clothing it feels good. Almost as good as the breeze in my hair. 
It was my little secret for a long time. I fully intended to end the experiment with a deeply satisfying shave. A mow. Bulldozing. Deforestation. And then. Unexpectedly. I found a part of me that had been missing. Cliche I know. But true. I found myself endorsing what had once repulsed me. All great conversion stories go this way.  
I suppose, Breeze, that you have been a good missionary for other causes too. Ambassador. Persuasive, is perhaps a good word to describe you Breeze.  The leaves, the fall grasses, bend their ears to you, lean in the direction you persuade them."

Alisa  catching her scarf in the breeze. North Shore Oahu

Monday, July 27, 2015

Love Lessons Part 2

I have been trying to decide how to share some of this stuff. I have decided for part 2 to post some edited entries from my journal: 

"What did Sarah teach me about Love at White Tantric Yoga? Well it was very experiential, but she taught me to feel, and to be a witness. Looking at Tess next to me, struggling to do the 62 minute meditation, watching the pain in her eyes. Feeling it and knowing that I can't take it on. I mustn't struggle because she is. Love is not that. Love lifts.
The examples of real Love are those memories that exist as images as Joan Didion explains them "with a shimmer around the edges, about the disintegrate." These are the images I don't always understand but which wont go away. The image of my uncle, crying into his mustache, giving by dying mother his most loved possession, a ripped up jean jacket, to show his devotion to her. The images of my new born child's fuzzy elfin ears. A rusty hammer on a workroom bench, saw dust all around.
I feel cheated that I didn't learn about Love right from the beginning. I had pain and love co-mingled. Until God wiped the slate clean. But nothing is lost. The slate is still there, and the slate was meant to write on. And about writing... it is somehow tied in with Love.
If the Word was with God and God is Love, then technically the Word and Love are inseparable. What does this mean for me? It think it means I must always write if I want to dwell in Love. Just like I must meditate every day if I want to dwell in Love. The Word and words are my everything.

In some languages, Poet and Prophet mean the same thing. Last year God told me that I was a poet even before I came here. That this is a high calling.


At the time of these Love lessons I was also teaching a writing class that incorporated imagery journeys to help the students with their creativity and other things that come up for them when digging deep. It was awesome, and I would sometimes take the journeys myself. Here is an account of one of my journeys that I wrote down around the same time of the last entry.


"A woman who looked like Galadriel was my guide....We swam to the bottom of the Lake and then broke the frozen bottom and swam deeper to a cave and opened a door. She said if you want to do the best writing, you have to go deeper. She pulled out a box of rubies from the cave. Said they needed to be brought into the light. I only wanted to bring one or two, thinking I would leave the others there safe. She said I needed to take them all. They will replenish themselves if I take them all. Swimming, we pushed it to the surface. We bobbed up and took it to shore. Then Sarah came with some others and they all started admiring and then wearing the gems. Then we all lay down in the sun to dry and the jewels just sparkled on us.
Then C.S. Lewis showed up and some others. They said the key to the best writing is opening up to Love. People who know how to love--that high vibration comes through their writing, even when they are writing about low-vibrating things. Like C.S. Lewis wrote about Hell (The Great Divorce) and about devils (The Screwtape Letters) but they are such high vibrating books. Then all the people who were there touched my heart and gave me their love. I asked if they would come when called as creative inner guides and they all said yes. 
I feel like I have just been handed my life."