Tuesday, February 24, 2015

What I Learned About Fasting and the Universal Mind

I ended my 25 day mono-fast last week. It is difficult to summarize all the learnings and gifts and some of them are beyond the scope of sharing. But here are some take aways:

I used to hate and avoid fasting, but now I look forward to it. I have tools for dealing with the hunger--or more accurately--the withdrawals from food. Number one is feasting on the word, including the scriptures, and sharing my testimony out loud.

I have done other kinds of fasts but food is so powerful because it really does remind you every hour of every day that you are dependent on God for everything. Food and water are so central to our human existence. It is a life or death issue--which gives great opportunities to confront deeper issues that wouldn't normally be triggered. Which can then be healed. Wahe Guru.

Img source.

Though I was very triggered through most of the first half of the fast, I am so grateful for all the layers of garbage it uncovered. I love what pastor Peter Haas says about fasting: "Fasting is one of the most amazing spiritual disciplines that God gives us.  It’s a mirror that reveals the truest state of our self discipline. It’s one of the few disciplines which reveals the true state of our self-denial muscles. And if that sounds scary, consider your alternatives: Crisis and moral failure also reveal this.  So, we have a choice: Preventative Humility vs. Humiliation.

I grew to love the feeling of being totally focused on the light all the time. By the end I felt like I was living in heaven and on earth. I think setting boundaries with internet and media really helped. There was so much more peace and love at home and in everything--every blade of grass. I guess I noticed blades of grass more.

The whole experience opened me up psychically in amazing ways. I started to remember lots of things from my pre-mortal life, though there is still much to make sense of. I don't think any of us really know who we are or who our children and neighbors are. If we could we'd be in awe.

It was strange to go back to eating any kind of food. I still like mung bean soup and I look forward to eating it often. I also look forward to fasting without food or water on Fast Sundays and moon days (new moon, full moon, etc) in the future.

I still feel like there is so much to discover about fasting. But here is the biggest thing that I feel like I need to share right now. It has to do with the Collective Unconscious, as Jung called it, or the Universal Mind if you prefer Emmerson's term for it. If you have never heard either term before, it is basically the group mind, including God's mind. We all contribute to it. We can all tap into it to access knowledge and information, etc., because we are truly all one.

The trouble comes when you forget we are all connected, or when you think your mind is independently owned an operated. These are the times that the mind is most heavily influenced by other minds on a very low level frequency. The reason anxiety is so prevalent right now is because there are powers that want it to be that way and they are using a lower vibration channel of the collective unconscious to transmit that energy to any receptor sites they find available. This is not a new idea to me, but what was new was this:

Those who have elevated themselves though Christ consciousness and are en-lightened can consciously put higher frequency beliefs into the collective unconscious. True, if we are all connected they are already there, but we can chose to have them energetically broadcast wider in the same manner but on purer channels than the dark side/illusion is using. All any person will need to access them is a simple desire to feel something better.

The power of one enlightened person is more than 100,000 who are not--(whether they be dark, or just unhappy or tending toward entropy).

So I invite anyone who feels good today to join me in publishing peaceful messages into the collective unconscious. Here are just a few I have been thinking of:

 "Peace I give unto you..."

Forgiving will set me free.

I am easy to love. 

I can talk to God and get answers. 

I also feel like we can use our powerful minds not just to send word messages but also images. Here are a couple I'm putting out there. 

It was decreed before the world was. The dove is a symbol that can not be usurped by darkness. 

Someday soon  I'll explain why I love this picture.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Living Water - Fast Dairy Days 12-17

Day 12?- I  have lost track of the days.  But I am seeing some amazing things happening. I was studying fasting in the scriptures again and I read about Moses on Mt. Sianai and how he went 40 days without food or water. I realized God was telling me I was wrong about the water thing. In my first podcast on fasting I said how it is kind of down on cutting out water, even for 24 hours because of the whole dehydration thing and I noted how most people are already dehydrated. I think God was showing me that I was wrong and wants me to admit it. I knew Jesus has fasted 40 days without food or water but I figured it was because he was Jesus. I think about how we are taught by science and medicine that we will die in 3 days without water. But Moses was a man and he obviously found a way to do it. Then I remembered the Non-eating Saint in Yogananda's autobiography. She hasn't had any food or water in 63 years (or hadn't at the time of his writing). There was also a stigmatist whom Yogananda met who also didn't eat or drink.  So God can obviously prepare a way sometimes... for the very faithful. 

Later that day in Sunday School we were studying that chapter in John where Jesus talks to the woman at the well of Living Water. "whomsoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." (John 4:14) 

For an instant I dread what was coming next. Was God going to ask me to do this? Was He going to test my faith in this way? In a moment the dread faded and I knew I could and would do it if that was the call. 

Then my thoughts we back to Jesus Christ. He was both mortal and God and so he didn't NEED to eat. And in fact in that same chapter in John he tells his disciples "I have meat to eat that ye know not of." His disciples think this is literal and ask themselves if they say him hiding any food. Then he tells them "My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work."

I though of how Jesus didn't need to eat but yet he understood the importance of feeding people actual food as well as spiritual food, as he did on many occasions. And he understood the importance of breaking bread with friends. The spiritual significance of sharing a meal. 

Not long after that the spirit told me I would not be cutting out water, but that I would be invited to a meal and I would eat whatever they served me. 

This happened and I so I did. I didn't eat the meat, because I knew I didn't have to, but I ate other food I hadn't eaten in a while and it was fine. In a way it was more difficult than going without water, but because I felt love for the friends I was with, I allowed that love and my prayer to purify and sanctify the food. 

Day 13- Thought maybe after last night I could have another cheat day. It didn't work. I couldn't even think about eating anything else, even healthy stuff. The day was borderline horrible for reasons I won't go into, but by the end I felt like I knew what I needed to do. I feel like I have been guided to eliminate a few more things during the fast. One is Facebook. I can live without it and I do many days, but now I am off it as of immediately until after my fast is over. I might get friends to post important stuff but I won't bother with it. I also have taken email off my phone and have limited myself to only check it on my computer once per day. I feel so peaceful already. And I think I need to limit blogging too. Once per week is good. I might actually get some personal writing done now. And attend to some neglected householder duties. Sigh. Love it. 

Day 14-  I love mung bean soup again! My body is really happy about it. And I have discovered so many new fruits. I figured out how to set my phone so that at certain times it silences all calls unless they are from certain people. This is so liberating. I also have trained myself to put it in airplane mode during meditation. I don't get many calls or texts during the Amrit Vela, but sometimes it still happens and when I do my evening meditations it happens a lot. So yay. I feel so peaceful. I felt meditative all day. I connected with Amarjot in a way that I don't do enough. It was so great. I feel like we are both being prepared for something beautiful and you have to sometimes empty your hands before you can accept a gift.  

Day 17 - I feel like I have turned a corner in the last few days. It has been quiet and full of love and light and learnings. The fruits are beautiful. Wahe guru.

Monday, February 9, 2015

5 Stages on the Path of Wisdom

I have been meaning to blog about this for a long time. Just as there are stages of development that children go through on their way to physical and emotional maturity, there are stages that a person goes through on the spiritual path--and as you read them you may recognize yourself and your own journey, not just with KY but also with your membership in the church.

This is basically a summary of some really good information on in the Aquarian Teacher Manual. If you want to know how to get that manual, sign up for a Kundalini Yoga teacher training near you.

Stage one is called Saram Pad (the novice) –  It is the honeymoon phase when we are happy and everything seems fresh and new. We have left the pain of the past and feel the freshness of a new life on a spiritual path. We have found a spiritual teacher and feel the blessings of these gifts. 
Stage two is Karam Pad (the apprentice) – In this stage it is all about the action, doing, and practice. We become aware of the work to do, the issues and the growth needed to go deeper and we are doing it. 
Stage 3 is Shakti Pad (the practitioner) – This is the most crucial, challenging and transitional stages. This is where you confront your ego.  You experience wonderful things and work through neurosis or head into hard to bare realms.  The choices made here determine whether you decide to keep going, stay at an apprentice level, or quit altogether.  This is where you choose to follow your own desires or the higher values of the path you are studying. 
Stage 4 is Sahej Pad (the expert) – This is a stage where every thing is in flow. There is ease, balance, grace. You become infinite and aligned with your destiny.  The expert learns by teaching.
Stage 5 is Sat Pad (the master) – Gone through the process of purification.  Living a life of service.  When the observer dissolves.  There is no separation…just transcendence.


There is a lot more said about each stage and I hope you look it up on line. But I wanted to expand on stage 3, Shakti Pad. Because it is the most crucial. The following are some quotes from the manual. 
By this stage the student has a lot of experience. He has tested the rules, stored up conscious and unconscious abilities and habits, and he is overwhelmed and inspired by possibilities.... As an apprentice, each journey was assigned by the mentor. The choice is now the practitioners. ... A novice is  like the newborn. The apprentice is like the young child. The practitioner is like the adolescent who is ready to challenge the rules, to risk new combinations and to act in patterns that are unlike the past. It is a creative and dangerous stage. Just like the adolescent who wants the power of choice without the dangers of responsibility, the practitioner wants to make a choice without commitment. The practitioner who learns to command commitment, to overcome doubt and to discern the proper values, conquers this stage of learning..... 
The real test of this stage is the test of overcoming doubt; i.e., to create an action where all the parts of the mind are behind the original chosen path. This stage requires commitment. It requires involvement in the sense that the practitioner is responsible for the choice. Success and failure become portentous and filled with consequence. It is similar to adolescence, when the smallest rejection or acceptace by others is met with enormous reactions of grief or ecstasy.... 
In spiritual disciplines, this choice is the leap of faith....On the path of yoga, many students leave the path at this stage because they feel that some part of themselves has been neglected or rejected by their own earlier efforts. Others gain spiritual ego and fancy themselves complete even thought the teacher and teachings warn them against such a position. Others fade away slowly because they decide they are the exception to the rules, and they need not follow the original disciplines anymore.... 
Those students who act with faith and wholeness do well at this stage. Students who can search for differences from the main goal and correct their direction pass through this stage most easily. It is easy to forget yourself at this stage and become hypnotized by the satisfaction and power of the skills you have gained so far. If you surrender to the path and goal... you will emerge with strength and empowered with an unshakable direction. 

Now have to share the Fallacies on the Path of Wisdom. There are 4 common mistakes that students make on the journey when they do not understand these 5 stages. Here they are. 
One Level Fallacy- The student acts as if there is only one level. The world exists without gradation. This can come from a need for certainty or simple ignorance. The student stops the effort to learn more and performs task poorly and with lack of depth.  If you find yourself here, shake yourself away. There is more to learn!
Short-Cut Fallacy - The student believes s/he can skip to a later stage just because he can percieve that stage. It doesn't work that way. The stages cannot be learned without experiencing the challenges of each stage. Students who fall for this merely imitate levels of expertise but can't hold steady when real pressure tests them. Pay attention to the stage you are in and let the others play out on their own. 
Cross Domain Fallacy - Most commonly made mistake. Student gains mastery in one area and therefore thinks it applies to other areas.  It is important to keep a beginner's mind and be open and ready for instruction in other areas. 
Bootstrap Fallacy - This mistake comes from the assumption that the student can declare himself complete. Many students decide they no longer need a teacher--they are the perfect master. The ego believes it is powerful and great. The lesson is to cultivate a teacher or mentor at every stage. Continue to be challenged and learn.  

Bowels of Mercy - Fast Days 10-11

Day 10- I got up and meditated and half way though I felt like I should read this BYU Studies article someone had emailed me about Bowels of Mercy. So did. Then I realized how long it was, so I scanned the last half. I have since read it all, but I think skimming was essential for me at the time because it enabled me to to make the connections I made and not the ones the author was making. But here are a few things that stood out to me and connections that I made:

The scriptures often use concrete bodily language to describe spiritual conditions. (I have come to my own realization that many of these bodily references also have many other layers that apply to yogic technology.)

In scriptural times they knew and associated diff organs with diff emotions. Bowels can be any inward parts generally are associated with guts and intestines (also sometimes the womb, which could go a whole other direction on my birthy blog). The author comments on the juxtaposition of the lowest and the highest things, the noble and the ignoble (he is obviously think of guts and pooping parts.

Having bowels filled with mercy, compassion, charity--does seem like a funny thing, however, we get so used to the scriptural language we don't think much about it. But if you know that our bodies do literally hold emotions (healers focus on releasing the negative ones), then it would make sense that one's bowels could literally be filled with compassion.

And then I thought about my fast and how I was being literally emptied. I had been 2 days without any food by now and was about to go a third. And it was not just a physical emptying. Prior entries show the emotional and mental cleansing this has been as well. By this point, I felt like the only thing left to feel was love and compassion.

Later in the article, the Atonement and bowels is discussed. I skimmed this part, but here is what stood out to me:

The bowels in the King James idiom often signify a restoration to of a prior relationship a rescuing from exile even a willingness to trade places with another in peril.
Bowels are the site for substitutional suffering. In modern Greek one of the tenderest things you can say is splachno mou,  meaning "my dear one.Its implication is that your soul is my soul that you are my inner parts. 

This made me think of fasting again and how Jesus began his ministry with a 40 day fast, and again another 40 day fast before his triumphal entry. And I wondered if there wasn't much more to these fasts than we realize. Perhaps the Atonement didn't happen only in the Garden of Gethsemane, but began in the wilderness with his fast.

It is an advanced yogic power (siddhi) to be able to take another person's pain for them or to take some of their karma and work it out for them. This is not just empathy. Yogi Bhajan used to do it sometimes. He was like an umbrella--his aura was so large he would sometimes just throw it over another person and take their pain or karma and process it for them because he saw it was too much for them. Sri Yuketswar (Yoganada's guru) did the same thing when he almost died of a fever in Kashmir. In Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda says that his guru "burned the karma of many of his disciples that day."

There are lots of other stories about great yogis who did things like this for their people. This is real healing that happens through a not very well understood process. Christ Atonement obviously covered the whole earth, and I know some people don't know what to make of stories like these because they may seem blasphemous. But, if you remember that the whole point of coming here is to learn to become like God and that the ancient science of Yoga was the science of God Realization, then it makes sense that anyone on that path is going to have to do savior work. And the concept of generational healing is basically savior work for our ancestors through our physical bodies. I believe it all goes through Jesus Christ, because we are "one" with him. He is One with God, etc.

There are few people I know, who are great yogis, in the true sense of the word, who have been through some extremely challenging tiems that I think were not just for them, or even just for their ancestors. They may have been through these things to break the chains for many thousands of people. God has confirmed this to me, but I won't do into details. You should ponder and pray about everything you read here.

The point is, I suddenly remembered what God told me when I visited his throne. My fast was so difficult because I was not just doing it for me. Holy cow. I couldn't really fathom the implications of all this, so I decided it was time to get back to meditating.

As I was chanting Long Ek Ong Kars  I kept thinking about the meaning of the mantra:

Ek Ong Kar - The Creator and I are one.
Sat Nam - Truth is my identity.
Siri Wahe Guru - This brings me indescribable bliss.

The creator and I are one. I wondered again about what this fast was doing and for whom. I thought of Sri Yukteswar, who I love. He lived back in the days of the guru-disciple system. We no longer operate that way because the KY technology is all in the open now, but we do have teachers and students. I thought of all my students. Their faces and names all started coming to me, and I literally felt my bowels fill with love for them--those present and yet to come. I was sobbing tears of love and compassion. I was so willing to help them, I was willing to do this for them and for others. Truly I felt compassion for the whole earth.

This was the beginning of my day that felt like 3 days. The rest of day actually went very badly. Everything that could go wrong did. I figured out it was a curse. Not just targeted at me, but the whole earth, and especially the awake and enlightened people. Satan is feeling threatened. Later that morning I felt a feeling of intense anxiety. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time. And I did NOT want to feel it again. So I bore my testimony out loud right in that moment to the nearest person (Amarjot) and then I cancelled all my appointments and went to the temple. I also called for a day of fasting and prayer and study tomorrow. There are so many beautiful students in my little FB group. They jumped to do it. Those who do will benefit so much and they will also uplevel the whole world with them.

Day 11- I taught my teachers in training this morning. I love love love teaching and mentoring them. But it was a little hard. Peace is my word for the year. But sometimes God also brings a sword. It's one of those paradoxes. In some scriptures he says "Peace I give unto you." In others he says, he doesn't come to bring peace but a sword. I think he brings both. The sword is sharp but it is used with love, to cut out the subconscious thought forms that are ruining our lives.

I learned through experience with two great teachers that a good teacher does not always tell you that you are doing great. In fact, the best teacher will go after your ego with a hammer. It's not always comfortable. But if my teacher hadn't called me on my anger years ago I would still be letting my spiritual ego hide my anger under layers of pride. But Wahe Guru! She cut right through maya.

I had to do this with my Jedis in training today. I didn't like it. But out of love, I did it. They took it well. I hope. Who knows. They may hate me, but it wasn't from me, so I release my need to be liked. Plus, hey, it's a phase on the Path of Wisdom to doubt or even hate your teacher. Then if you get through that phase you go to the next level! Yay. If they didn't already get through that phase then I just pushed them there.

I started eating fruits and juices and decided to slowly go back to mono diet fast. I studied the scriptures today about fasting and calling an election. Maybe we should do a podcast on that.

 I also went to a silly movie with Amarjot. Really silly. But, as my yogi friend Khushbir and I joke, sometimes it is good to do things normal people do when they are not doing yoga. That way I can identify with them. Ha ha. Okay.

If you are wondering, they still haven't found the child. But I am still praying and I just feel like it will be okay. Also, by this evening I felt the curse on the earth was broken. Hooray. Deep breath. Sigh. I will go to sleep and wake up happy.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Visiting the Throne of God - Fast Day 8 -9

Day 8 - Today was awesome and difficult. I went to no food and didn't really notice till about 2:00 pm. I felt so good and happy (although a little spacey) that I thought I could go another few days without food and wondered if that was God's intent all along. I decided I would probably try it. And then I paused and decided to ask if that was my idea or God's. He said it was up to me but that there was more they wanted to show me.... Okay.

Then I started to have more withdrawls from food and was really doubting. I thought maybe this was enough and I would go back slowly to fruit juice and fruit yogurt and then mung bean soup again.

Then I got a text from my friend. They didn't find the child today. They are going to try again tomorrow.

So I decided that was a clear indication that I needed to keep going at least one more day. Water and Yogi Tea but no food. As soon as I decided that, I went into serious emotional tantrum. Or rather, my subconscious did. I wanted to run away from all the emotional turmoil so I decided to numb out by watching a movie with Amarjot. It was actually the perfect movie. It was one of the Chronicles of Narnia movies-- The Voyage of The Dawn Treader. I love C. S. Lewis.  I won't list all the things I got from it but this was one good one:

"If you want to beat the darkness out there, you must first fight the darkness within."  Says Ramandu.  I love that movie so much. I love Aslan. And Reepicheep. This time I felt like I WAS all the characters in the movie at once. And I cried like a baby at the end, like I always do. But this time it was different. I am sort of raw.

Despite the Narnian lift I still felt like I was in need of help. So one of my Besties guided me on an imagery journey and I went to the Throne of God.

It was sort of epic beyond description but I will try.

My tree didn't exactly look like this. But I like this picture.

I sat under a tree in my special place. Then part of me left my body and went to the throne of God. Awe. The only thing to do is bow. Then I burst into flames. But my body did not burn. God's throne was more like a couch and He and Heavenly Mother were both there.  She came and picked me up off the floor and the flames went out. She invited me to sit on the throne. I was resistant. I didn't seem appropriate. It was the Throne of God. But I obeyed and suddenly I was sitting on it and light was shooting out of me. I suddenly felt fine. I was all weepy and needy before and had come to beg for help and understanding. But sitting on the throne of God changes things.

I talked to them like a peer. Because I WAS. And I talked about myself (down on earth) as if I was separate from her. I said. She is struggling so much.

They said, What would you do if you were in our place?

That made me pause. I suddenly was in their place and saw that there was nothing else that could be done. It was necessary for so many reasons that I suddenly grasped and I glimpsed the beautiful outcome.

They also told me. It is so difficult for her because it is not just for her.

Ah. I was suddenly filled with compassion for her (myself under the tree) again and I petitioned them. Then can you shorten the time for her. And for all the righteous. They are all fighting a great battle.

They said, The Divine wish is expressed through you. At that moment I felt something shift. And I felt how much love They have for all mankind. They told me that however I finished out the 25 day fast it would achieve its purpose.

Then they gave me a gift, which I can't tell about, but it was super cool. And there were some other cool parts. Then I came back to my body under the tree and the tree and all the angels there wrapped me in their good energy and then I came back to this non-reality. But when I came back I still felt Them with me. And I felt a ton of angels in my room and I could very clearly hear what they were saying.

They were feeding me with tons of positive suggestions. They were filling up my subconscious mind, which was just a few minutes earlier cleaned out by God, and they were putting in so much good. Telling me I was good and loved. It was a big crowd and they hung around for a long time and I still feel them here. Just less loud so I can write.

Oh there was one part when I told God I felt like xyz (some personal desire) was really far off,  and one of the angels near my left ear said really loudly, "No it's not!"

I had to laugh. Silly angels.

But let me just say, once you go to the Throne of God, nothing is quite the same.  It changes you. It changes your prayers. And it's the coolest thing I get to do in a day when I guide people there.

Day 9 - A good day. Went to Kundalini Yoga Class. Felt strong. And lost of angels still around. No food. Still haven't found the child. I guess I will go one more day. God tells me the child will be found though.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Letting the Oppressed Go Free - Mono Fast Diary Day 6 and 7

Day 6 - I woke up with a small migraine that I made huger by my own rotten feelings about it. I was feeling really pissed and wondering why I am doing this to myself. I stayed in bed most of the morning feeling sorry for myself and in genuine pain, but then also knowing I was creating that pain in some way. I am not doing anything crazy. I am getting all the nourishment I need, but I'm freaking out. So I suffered for a while and then decided I didn't like suffering and thought I probably had some tools I could use. Ha! Imagine. So I texted a few people for energy healing but before any of them got back to me I resting and sort of half delirious and spontaneously went into imagery state and some sort of guide or angel took me to a control room and we dialed down the pain/nausea buttons at the same time. And then we dialed it back up just to show me that I could control it. Ack. Dial it back down. So we did.

Then my guide had me look around for any other controls that needed adjusting. I found the one and I noticed that there was a devil with his hand on it. Mer. :/  So I cast him out and then adjusted the dial. I was trying to read it and I thought it said TRUTH. So I also released a believe that seeing the truth about myself has to hurt.

Shortly after that I felt better! Weak but better. I got up and I couldn't stand the thought of eating mung bean soup so I just ate some yogurt and I made plain white rice--which is an ingredient in the soup so I figured it was fine and even more simplified. And white basmati rice is really easy on digestion.

Then my friend got back to me and she did a scan of what oils I needed. It was all the trust oils! I also scanned for Cardomom (which is good for anger and also digesting life). Interesting. Cardamom is one of the ingredients in yogi tea and in the mung bean soup. I guess there is a reason for that.

Anyway, when I realized it was all the trust oils I realized that the word on the door that I was trying to read in my imagery journey was Trust, and not Truth, although I think clearing that belief about truth was helpful, I think the real issue is trust.

I realized that I am not doing this to myself. It gave me great relief to remember that this was inspired and not all my idea. I have a lot of dumb ideas. But if I remember that it was God's idea I can trust that it is doing its good work and there is so much more He knows than I do.

Once I got that trust thing through my head I was suddenly fine. Not weak or even hungry. And the rest of the day all I ate was yogurt and fruit and a little more white rice.

I had this thought that God has been preparing me in so many ways to release attachment to EVERYTHING. But he did it a little at a time. Last year it was to material possessions. And now that I am back home it's okay for me to have a house and furniture and a car again. Because I know I could walk away from them. Now he wants me to get over all the food issues I didn't know I had.

I had this thought that if I ever had to go live in a commune and live off food storage a lot of people would be freaking out because they would all be going through their food issues and loss of control and attachment issues, but I would be able to be a lighthouse. Yay.

Day 7 -  Another interesting dream. This time involving a tiger. I won't go into detail. Today I only felt like eating fruit and yogurt. So that's what I did. And I felt great. I did my morning sadhana and then had an ecstatic experience with bannanas. Bannanas are so great. They have so much energy super powers in them. I was reading somewhere that 2 bananas can give you enough energy for a 90 minute work out.  When I finally did make a pot of soup late in the afternoon I noticed it was just because I felt like I should, not because I wanted it.  And you know what? It didn't taste very good. Something went wrong with the beans. They were hard. So I guess I didn't prepare it with singleness of heart. So I threw it out and kept with the fruit and plain yogurt.

In the morning I called a friend because I was feeling like there was something blocking me from manifesting two things that I need right now. God usually manifests for me very quickly when I know it is right. But this has been a long time. So I called to see if she could help me clear anything. As I was telling her how I felt, we both realized it was a curse. So she went into theta and cleared it. But this is the crazy part. She went in and then described what she saw to me. And it sounded exactly like a non-dominant hand drawing I had done two days before when Amarjot asked me to draw with her.

I had tried to analyze it then and I thought the Goonies Head Blob was just my subconscious mind blowing sludge into the river, but it turns out it was some curse that got activated when I helped pull the curse of the city of Pocatello. Mer... Bad guys were mad. So anyway, we cleaned that up. And later that day, I manifested one of the two things and I was shown where the other one is. Hooray!

As I meditated in the evening I realized that I was feeling great and hadn't eaten much and I wondered if what was really happening is that I am winding down to do a full fast without food for a few days (When you do longer fasts, such as 3-9+ days without food you need to prepare the body by winding down and slowly eliminating foods in a certain order.  And when you break the fast you add them in slowly again in the reverse order.) Hmm. I was willing to consider it.

As I was meditating, I got a text from a friend who asked if I would like to join in a fast for a boy who was kidnapped. I can't give more details than that, but I agreed without hesitation and decided it would be a fast without any food. Then I prayed and I saw angels surrounding the boy and preparing him for the rescue.  I remembered Isaiah 58:6

"Is not this the fast I have chosen, to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free...."

I started to cry. I felt like all this has been preparing me to be a power for peace. My small sacrifice here in my little tree house can make a legitimate difference in saving a child, loosing him from bondage. And many more. I believe that it has a huge effect for world peace and bringing the righteous to Zion. I felt so much love for God and gladness that he is a great healer and repairer and we are too through Him.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Writing Workshop? Hmmm.

I have been thinking about this for a while. I guess I got my seventh witness yesterday. So I am putting it out there. I have been a writer forever. It is one of the few things that I actually put after the words I AM and feel that is true and a respectful use of God's name. I used to teach writing and also write as my sole work. But I have been sort of absorbed in the infinite for a few years and mostly writing blog posts and books for Him. But that is shifting and I need to work on my own writing again, And I keep running into other people who feel like they need to write something and need help.

So I am thinking about offering a workshop to teach, help, coach, mentor, and support anyone on the writing journey. My main area of expertise is Creative Nonfiction. Which includes memoir, essay, blogging (although I still don't think blogging is a legit genre. Maybe when I get over that I'll take my own blog more seriously and proof read it for typos. Sigh. Please don't judge me by my blog. If you care, my creative blog, with not many typos, is here.) and I can also give good feedback on fiction and poetry. My best friend (one of them) is an awesome poet. We workshop a lot and I have her in my back pocket as a guest.  

I guess I am not committing till I see who is interested. Don't leave comments only on FB because then they disappear. Leave one here or email me.  It's not for sure. But I bet it will also include some guided imagery to help make us more creative and talk to our muses or our characters. We'd write and workshop and support each other, I would give feedback on anything you turn in each week even if it is not your week to be workshopped by the group. I'm a pretty good writing teacher if I can say so. My feedback is golden and my classes are golden. I've helped lots of people publish books. And I miss doing that kind of thing. People's lives change through writing. I kind of love it as much as Kundalini Yoga. In a different way. It's the Word.

Here are more details.... The class would be online. Live. Once per week and emails in between. And the price would be whatever a really good writing class in your area would cost. Or a really good online writing class would cost. You can look into UCLA writer's extension online catalogue for ideas. All the teachers there are my colleagues and friends. So if you decide to take one there instead I can recommend who to try.

The price for the class would be based on what you think it is worth. And it has to be a sacrifice or you won't be committed. So think about it, and email me if you are serious. No one serious will be turned away--if I do it. If there is enough interest. I think it will start soon because I am traveling in April a lot. So if we start soon we could do about 6 weeks. Then maybe we can pick it back up again in May and share major revisions and revelations.

Yours in Peace. Sat Nam.

Nam Joti Kaur

Mono Fast Diary - Bliss To Tantrum To Sobbing To Peace (Days 4-5)

Day 4-  Pure bliss. I went to LA and dropped in on a KY Teacher training with Harijiwan and Tej for the day and by the end of the night every cell in my body was literally vibrating. Vibrating so I could feel it. It was incredible. I felt like I could see out of every cell in my body. I was omnipresent. We did a really powerful meditation series to basically blow out the karma from your life and establish your destiny so you never get blown over (we blew on our hands like a mirror)  It was so wild. It was nice to have food to eat and not worry about what I would be eating. I like the new recipe I found. It's sweeter. Not so freaking spicy. And I feel strong. Very strong and energized.

Last night I noticed some very different elimination... and this morning the pattern continued. The first few days pooping was like normal. which has always been fine for me. I have good digestion. But last night it was like old stuff was being released and it didn't want to go. This morning more of it went. And it didn't protest. I feel like I am being cleaned out and simplifying.

Elimination is really what it's all about. I don't I really realized that before. But that is what fasting is. You eliminate food--or certain foods. And in so doing you eliminate emotional attachments and toxic feelings, and you eliminate literal toxins. Yogi Bhajan says if you don't figure out how to eat in the first 18 years of your life, and you don't figure it out in the second 18 years, you are basically done. After age 36, all your body is doing is trying to digest. It doesn't have any energy to do anything else. That's why people fall apart after age 36. Usually they don't notice it till 40, though. 40 gets a bad rap. It all starts at 36. The second life cycle.

I am realizing how much time per day I spend thinking about food or preparing meals or shopping or thinking about shopping. Or what I will eat next. Or what Amarjot will eat next. I am doing less of that now. I still cook once a day or heat up the batch I already made, or make a fruit smoothie. But it is so simplified. I think simple should be my other word of the year. I guess peace is simple. Simple creates peace. Maybe. Thinking about it. This scripture came to me from a friend:
And on this day thou shalt do none other thing, only let they food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting may be perfect, or in other words, that thy joy may be full.  (D&C 59:13)
So much in such there. It seems that in this verse food is still being prepared even though they talk about fasting. So that is good to hear for everyone who things that fasting is only xyz. Also I love that it is all for a fullness of joy.

Day 5 - I went to Stake Conference today and I can't help but notice everyone's issues. They are wearing them. It's so hard to miss now. I also see their contributions and their joys but I see a lot of sorrow. I see a lot of people who are married who are unhappy and I see why. I see that they are each propelled by one main (subconscious) thought form that they don't even understand and they are responding to the other person's thought forms. People rarely interact with each other, just with each other's subconscious thought form, or thought monsters. And I feel like I know what would help them. But I am now a two time divorcee, and so probably limited on the street cred. But I realize how much those experiences helped me and catapulted me. And zero'ed my ego. At least for a time. The ego is constantly trying to get back it's ground. But I have made huge improvements in my relays (relationships are a relay between two ships-- Yogi B would say). I am more conscious now. I don't jump into something just because it has karma written all over it. Not everyone that you are soul mates with you should marry. Or even date. It's important to be conscious. No need to get blood on the floor.

Love is not what people think it is. I wanted to pick Love for my word of the year, but it's too convoluted of a word and so God suggested Peace instead.

After church I was in such a malaise. I felt so blech! I was soooo annoyed because I had such a high yesterday I couldn't understand why today I felt like I had regressed 10 years. Seriously. So many negative thoughts. I finally had to turn the mantras up in every rooms so that there was no room for anything else. Then after dinner I was cuddling with Amarjot and I spontaneously asked her if she would guide me on a journey. She is really good. She has had a few experiences with journeys and I think she learned a lot from them, or is just a natural. So she relaxed me and brought me into state and then asked me to go to a special place. It was not my usual place. It was a cabin in Montana somewhere and I was indoors. But outside was spring time. She asked me if there was anyone there I needed to talk to.

I was expecting it to be Jesus--but my mother came. And as soon as she showed up, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. And sobbed some more. And I realized--with some surprise at how I had totally missed this connection-- that food is all about nurturing and Mother.  And I missed her. And I was deprived of her when I was coming of age. She just let me cry and she held my head. And then Heavenly Mother came and they took away my fear and sadness. Then I talked to them about how to be a better mom. I sometimes feel lost with older children because I have no model. After age 7 my mom was down with cancer. So while I did have her for 5 years more, she was often sick mom. And here I was being sick mom with Amarjot. I wanted to be something different. So they helped me.

As I was in the journey I kept feeling these energy spasms in my feet. But eventually they quieted down. After I came out of the journey, Amarjot looked at me like a wise old sage and said calmly, You were glowing. I could see the energy coming out of your feet and going around your body back to your head. Like this... she gestured.

Then we cuddled and she said, The words of this song are coming into my mind... And she stared singing the chorus from A Child's Prayer. The words are

Pray, He is there.
Speak, He is listening.
You are His child.
His Love now surrounds you.

When we got to the last line, she had an Aha moment and gestured again about the energy she had seen around my body. I realized that this was a post imagery message for me. His love now surrounds you.

God is Good and Kind.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The Creation Of the Earth

At the New Year New You Retreat, I taught a small group writing workshop. It was for anyone who felt like they had a book or story or poem or blog post that they needed to write. Everyone was of different experience levels, but I like to encourage anyone who want to to go for it. There may already be a lot of books out there. There is a lot of everything out there. But we aren't done discovering all of our great literary minds or thinkers and world leaders. The world hasn't discovered all the Martin Luther Kings or Marianne Williamsons or C.S. Lewises. And it might be you. So we sat down and we wrote. 5 minute exercises. And everyone had an experience. This is something that I started there, quite by accident. The prompt was: write about something you couldn't possible remember, such as the creation of the earth, your grandparents wedding, etc. As I did this, I found that I sort of do remember. And I have access to all that. Anyway.

Mono Fast Diary - First Days

This is the diary of my 25 day mono fast. A mono diet means I can eat, but only certain foods. This diet is called the Kitchari Diet and lots of Kundalin Yogi's do it for 30 days. I have to travel in February, so plan to go to 25 days. My basic diet consists of mung bean and rice soup, fruit and yogurt and Yogi tea. I know this will sound like a peace of cake to some people, but I have never dieted in my life. True, I am lacto-vegetarian, which means I don't eat mean or eggs, but making life style changes isn't hard for me. Temporary restriction has never been my thing. (Note: This diary is not happen in real time. I'm about a week ahead of you right now)

This picture is actually making it look delicious to me right now.

Day 1 - I officially started fast last night even though I ate mung bean soup all day yesterday, because I liked it not cuz I had to. So this is more like a day 2.  I guess my intention is Peace. So many intentions come to mind but I guess they are all tied to peace. I really want to align my mind with the divine mind. Today was hard, though. I was super grouchy and felt hungry even though I could eat as much as I wanted of my limited foods. Hmm. Subconscious mind seems to have figured out what is going on.  It felt like hunger but I realize it is just withdrawls from whatever needs food is meeting. Or I guess not food in general---because I am eating--but something about cooking or shopping or thinking about food or variety of foods. Who knows. Blah. I hope it gets better. I didn't expect it to be the same as a fast with no food. But I guess it is, then I should be feeling euphoric in another day or two. Part of me thinks this is just because expectation creates experience, but I thought I cleared all my fears of fasting with that journey last week where Jesus gave me a whole wheel barrow of books to eat. Ha. That sounds funny. But it did take away a lot of my fear and weird freaky cravings I was having just thinking about fasting. One thing that surprises me is how much time I spend thinking about what meal I am going to cook or have next and now I have all this time freed up.

I am thinking about my behavior today and how it wasn't very good. And how it is often bad when I fast for just one day.  I think darkness has more access to us when we are vulnerable, which seems counter productive to the concept of fasting. I just realize how important it is to really prepare to fast and to make it as good an experience as possible. For example, I should up the essential oils and the vitamins and the mantras and all the tools, and make sure that kids are taken care of. Amarjot is totally fending for herself. But I made sure she has lots of options when she doesn't feel like mung bean soup. But she is kind of having a similar reaction to my fast. It's almost like she is doing it with me. Better check her aura/sheild and make sure she is not taking on my stuff.

Day 2 - Had intense orgasmic dream last night. It went on for a while. I don't remember much but I woke up and realized what was happening and so I thought, I better let this play out. It's a good physical release. It was so strange. In the past when I have been awakened by an orgasmic dream I would feel like I won the lotto. But this time, it felt empty and like just parts moving. It was all second chakra and no sixth chakra. There was no ecstasy in it at all.  I realized I must be venting second chakra issues. I also realized that I haven't missed the physical thing we call orgasm because I have been living in so much bliss all the time with meditation. Proof that all this yogi stuff works great for celibate people.

But I see that my fast has been releasing some lower chakra issues that I may have been feeding with food. Also, the sense associated with the second chakra is taste. So that sort of makes sense.

I have heard Yogi Bhajan say that a wet dream is horrible for a man's nervous system. That it is like 11 tornadoes going through him. I wonder if it is the same for women. Anyway. Weird dreams I guess are a good sign that subconscious stuff is shifting.

Day 3. Upset. So upset I did the Meditation for Upset. (It is Stage One on the 21 Stages of Meditation.) I did it last night and this morning. And will prob do it again tonight. But as I was relaxing this am after my meditation I figured out that there was some generational issues with the label of "deprived." I have slave ancestors. Africans. Black people. They were deprived a lot of basic human rights and dignity. And I felt my ear burning as I realized this and they were all there telling me that they were ready for me to heal them. Sigh. That's what that thing in my patriarchal blessing was all about... So I did a generational healing journey and it was awesome. Someone way back was deprived of his wife. They took her away. And they were basically denied marriage relationships in any real way because they could be easily severed. So that explained a lot and healed everyone going both directions and out and down. Then at the end of the journey some babies came and hijacked the journey. I wrote about that here. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015


This year, I decided that I am going to figure out fasting. It's my gospel principle of the year. Like my word of the year, it also chose me. It just nagged and nagged at me. It is just glaringly apparent that as with so many gospel principles, there is a whole lot more to it. And probably 97%  of us are not getting it, myself included.

I will admit I spent years avoiding it. I had blood sugar issues, weight gain issues, and a whole lot of other excuses and I was so grateful when I had the legitimate pregnancy/nursing excuse that I could milk for years. Interestingly, that is when I started to wake up to it's power.

I just did a podcast with Andy about fasting. It was a good discussion and we talked for almost and hour but I feel like I just barely scratched the surface. And so many people have been asking me questions about it since then and I feel a little bit overwhelmed with how much there is I want to share and it's not really coherent. Maybe because I'm supposed to share it in a different way....

For one thing, fasting is a really ancient practice and it is an advanced spiritual discipline. Shamans and great yogis were often required to do extensive fasting as part of their training. Basically it accelerates spiritual growth and learning and power. And it strips away all our defenses and barriers. It opens up a person psychically. Some people call it a gateway to the supernatural. All these are benefits when fasting is done properly. There are good and bad ways to fast. There are really stupid ways to fast. Preparation for and how you break the fast are super important. I talk about some of those on the podcast.

I am realizing right now that the best way I can share with you is to share my fasting journal. I am in the middle of a long fast (25 days- I explain it on the podcast) and I have been keeping a journal. It is brazenly personal and so I will have to edit it some but I feel like I don't really have anything to hide, either, so be ready for what might be too much information. Eek. My dreams are crazy. Luckily I know how to interpret dreams or I might lock myself up. I know we are taught not to publicly advertise when we are fasting but I feel like when no one talks about something, no one learns or grows. And I would be seriously insane to do this for vanity's sake.

It's funny how when I started doing all this research about fasting (before actually jumping in), I felt super hungry and had all these weird cravings. Maybe just reading this is having that affect on you. If so, go enjoy something for me. Food is a privilege and a gift.

If this blog post is not coherent, please forgive me. I'm a little space, but in a good sort of blissed out way.