Thursday, December 20, 2012

Restorer of Paths to Dwell In

Earlier today my ear folds were full of tears as I lay sprawled out on the floor sobbing. For four days now I have been undergoing the most amazing healing I have ever experienced in my life. Four is an interesting number. It is the heart center. The chakra that is the balance point between earth and heaven. It is Christ's number.

A long time ago I wrote several posts about my anger journey. Last week, after certain events gave me cause to pray about them, I became awake to the fact that all anger is a lie. It feels real, but it's just something we create (subconsciously) to justify our wrong actions towards others. True, others do wrong us, but even then, anger is a lie. Some people kill loads of innocent people. But they are still a child of God. And if I go to anger, it is because I am not seeing them as a child of God, and deep in my heart I know that's not right. So I create an emotion that feels real and give me justification. The more of a monster we think someone is, the more we can justify treating them poorly.

That was hard truth. But is set me free. Free of anger in an instant. All I did was admit the truth. When you eliminate the cause, the dis-ease is gone!

This truthful inventory led to some hell-freezing over apologies to people who were not expecting them. And it led to healing. But I was terrified it wouldn't last. So I began praying for the ability to see things as they really are, for deeper healing, and to know how to pray for certain loved ones. The answers have been gushing.

On Monday I started a 12-day healing process that God has been guiding me through day by day. I don't want to write about it yet, but I am being constrained to. Basically, the cause of all of our pain and problems is that we all have images and beliefs in our unconscious and cellular memory that are often not even ours. This energy comes in with us from generations back. And God is showing me how to pray and meditate to have the most effective opening and healing of these images and unhealthy beliefs. It involves meditating and sending light and the love of God into my body. Every cell in my body is responding.

Last night was the best night of my life because I found that my struggles with ego and pride have all to do with an underlying belief of being unlovable and flawed. And in a day of meditation and filling myself with light and God's love, I felt all these beliefs healed. It is not like a spiritual high or a meditation high or even like I am making progress. It feels more like I am coming home to my true self.

And because I am one with my spouse, I also pray that the effectiveness of the healing be applied to him as wellr. This has been wild. When I tune into to do this work, I can feel all these images and pictures come from both my ancestors and his. They are the early memories of all this garbage we have been carrying around.

The thing about energy healing, including Kundalini Yoga and Meditation is that it doesn't just heal you, it will heal 7 generations of ancestors and 7 generations of your posterity. I didn't used to understand this, but then I realized that Christ's atonement works the same way. It was retroactive and future active. And we are all connected via energetic links, especially to our ancestors and to our spouses.

My body is responding so powerfully to this healing that I sometimes have to sleep for two hours just to process from physical exhaustion after just 15 minutes of healing. Today was heavy with all the heartache of my mother, her mother, my dad's mother and Rocky's mother and other ancestors. Hence, the earful of tears, but slowly, God stripped it out of my cells. I have never felt anything quite so intense in my life. It was like I went with Christ down to the depths. In it, I didn't want to be doing it. I wished my mother had taken care of this. But she didn't and so I am. Most people don't know one of the obscure definitions of succor means: to go beneath. In this case, beneath layers of subconscious garbage. 

After the first day, Phoebe strarted acting differently. She started serving me. Telling me she'd do anything for me. Today she told me that she feels like God is cleaning all the bad stuff out of her heart.

And tonight God led me to this scripture:

"And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places; thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generation; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in." Isaiah 58:12 

I have said that this year is a rebirthing year, and I have felt that way the whole year. It has been wonderful, but now I am in pushing stages. Yikes!

God keeps showing me that it is worth it.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Changing Times

For the last 2-3 years, I had a lot of time on my hands. California courts seem to think that 50/50 custody is always the direction people should be headed, even if the child is very young and there are major problems with one parent. So I complied. It was awful. But I found things to fill my time. I wrote a book. I went to hypnotherapy school. I trained as a pregnancy yoga teacher, as a hypnobabies instructor, as a Kundalini Yoga and meditation teacher. I also still have a memoir writing business that I started 11 years ago. I teach classes. I do public speaking. I volunteer in her class room.

In the last 3 months everything has changed. I got married. The next day, my daughter's life long best friend, and my neighbor and number 1 support person, moved to Seattle. A week after that, I got full custody of my daughter. All good things except for loosing the friend. All major things. At once.

It is strange. I never wanted to be apart from my daughter for 5 days at time as I often was during those 2 years of 50/50 custody, but I got used to it. The transition back to full time parent has been tough for me. Also, the reason I got full custody is because she was being treated poorly at her dad's house--extremely poorly--that's all I can say about that. Though that nightmare is over for now, I am still dealing with the fall-out. Prophetess is not only adjusting to having Rocky around, (competition for my attention) but also adjusting to the idea of being safe. So she's expressing all her upset from the last few years in different ways. Thank goodness I have many tools to help her and myself. But it's still a lot.

Also, my husband moved to LA to marry me, and he couldn't bring his job with him. He still hasn't found a job here. So there's that.

So after three months of trying to make it all work, I realize that my big wake up call has been that I need to take some things off my plate. I need to focus on my daughter and my relationship with my husband and helping him find a job.

The trouble is that I love everything that I do. But I have decided that I don't love them at the expense of my relationships with my loved ones and my sanity. I have decided to sell my old business of 11 years to someone who is passionate about it as I am no long interested in writing for other people. It's time to focus on my own writing. I am going to finish teaching my current meditation webinar, and I probably won't teach another one for a while. Instead I'll work on my e-book on meditation while I can.

I still have a wonderful yoga/mediation retreat planned in June, that I look forward to, but all my streaming classes are suspended till further notice. If you live in LA, you can come to one of my 2 classes/week at the YMCA. Other than that, I'm just going to work on my own private yoga/meditation practice. 

I'm still going to see hypnotherapy clients, because I love one-on-one healing, and because that is my primary career right now, but I won't be offering any group sessions or seminars except those already scheduled. I do have room for a few more clients as I am always loosing them due to how much I help them. :) That is the rub with being a true healer. Your ultimate goal must be to eventually make yourself obsolete.

While I am cutting things out, I must cutting blogging to a minimum. Not that I have been doing much lately. And so maybe as I become less overwhelmed, more might happen, but I am not going to commit to anything.

One thing I don't want to cut out is public speaking opportunities. I love speaking to large groups and if someone else is planning it and will pay me to be there, I love to inspire myself and others through public speaking. 

As far as book promotion, The Gift of Giving Life is still going to sell loads of copies because wonderful people like you are spreading the word. I also have 4 other collaborators, and we all help each other when one of us needs a break. Thank goodness for that.

So that leaves me with 2 yoga classes/week, a private hypnotherapy practice 2 full days/week, perhaps a a speaking engagements or two in the next year, a retreat in June, and time to be with Rocky and Phoebe.

Sigh. I feel so much lighter. Also, I would love to ask for prayers and good vibes in support. 
Also, if anyone knows anyone in LA or vitually who want to hire my dear husband to do just about anything at this point, please let us know. :)

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Mantras in the Scriptures

This week I was reading Revelation, chapter 4, about the four beasts, which represent all different categories of God's creation, and I discovered that they "rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come."

And I thought, that sounds a lot like a mantra. I especially liked that they say it day and night. (I am an unapologetic mantra chanter, and when I am not chanting, I have them playing in the house, day and night.)

Then I read another one in Revelation, and pretty soon, I had a long list and a passion to find more. This blog post is the beginning of an attempt to find and catalog all the mantras that I can find in the LDS Christian cannon. Of course, I am not going to do it alone. That's why I am posting them here. You can add to this list in the comments and I'll update this post often until I think of a better home for all these mantras.

I suppose I should list the criteria that I think makes something qualify as a mantra, but for now, I'm just listing things that people or angels or creatures say, alone or in unison. They can say them once or repeatedly, and if it just feels like a mantra, I have written it down for now. (Really, it is more scientific that than that... and also it is not. For now, I am just listing as many as I can that might qualify.)
So here we go:

Hebrew Bible (aka Old Testament)

Psalm 117  In its entirety

Psalm 118:25 [Hosanna! Hosanna comes from the Hebrew translation meaning "save now" or please save us, which is taken from Psalm 118. According to the Bible Dictionary, "the chanting of this Psalm was connected at the Feast of Tabernacles with the waving of palm branches; hence the use of the word by the multitudes at our Lord's triumphal entry into Jerusalem." By chanting that, they were demonstrating an understanding that Jesus was the same Lord who delivered Israel anciently. This chant has become a celebration of the Messiah and is now part of temple dedications.] Save now, I beseech thee, O Lord: O Lord, I beseech thee, send now prosperity.

Psalm 147:1 and Psalm 135:3 [These are almost identical. It is not a mantra per se, but it is about the changing of mantras] Praise ye the Lord: for it is good to sing praises unto our God; for it is pleasant; and praise is comely.

Psalm 150 In it's entirety

Jeremiah 33:10-11 [If you have read Jeremiah you know it is a long sad story. Here the Lord is promising a happy ending (coming of Christ and gathering of Israel), which happy ending is heralded by the chanting of a mantra. The Mantra is in bold. I love the second half of the mantra because it recognizes the mantra chanters themselves and effectively describes what chanting mantras is all about--the sacrifice of praise.] Thus saith the Lord; Again there shall be heard in this place....The voice of joy, and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom, and the voice of the bride, the voice of them that shall say, Praise the Lord of hosts: for the Lord is good; for his mercy endureth for ever: and of them that shall bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord. For I will cause to return the captivity of the land, as at the first, saith the Lord.

2 Chronicles 20:21  [I wrote a cool blog post about how this mantra won the battle.]And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed singers unto the Lord, and that should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army, and to say, Praise the Lord; for his mercy endureth for ever.

Isaiah 6:3 [The seraphim say this. Seraphim are often confused with Cherubim, but they are a different and entirely cool rank of angelic beings. I'll write more on them some day.]  Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory.

New Testament

2 Chronicles 5:13 [The temple is finished and the arc of covenant is laid in the Holy of Holies and the people are chanting and singing as one with trumpets and cymbals. The result is that there is a "cloud" or the glory of the Lord is in the house] For he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever: that then the house was filled with a cloud, even the house of the Lord;

2 Chronicles 7:3 [The people witness fire come down and the glory of the Lord. They bow and worship]
For he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

Revelation 4:8 Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.

Revelation 7:10 Salvation to our God which sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb.

Revelation 7:12  Amen: Blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honour, and power, and might, be unto our God for ever and ever. Amen.

Revelation 15:3-4  [This comes after a great victory and they sing with harps] Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints. Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest.

The Book of Mormon

1 Nephi 1:14 [after seeing many marvelous things Lehi did exclaim many many things unto the Lord; such as] Great and marvelous are thy works, O Lord God Almighty! Thy throne is high in the heavens, and thy power, and goodness, and mercy are over all the inhabitants of the earth; and, because thou art merciful, thou wilt not suffer those who come unto thee that they shall perish!

2 Ne 16:3   [Exactly the same as the one in Isaiah 6:3]

The Doctrine & Covenants


The Pearl of Great Price


I haven't had time to find more, but I now know that scriptures are full of them. One thing you may notice is that a commonality in all of them is the aspect of praise. I'll write more about this soon. Think of this as en evolving blog post. Please feel free to add to it or comment!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Law of Consecration

"Do not get what you can get, get what you are going to be given. What God is going to give you." - Yogi Bhajan
Pretty nails. Pretty wedding band.

Back in May I wrote a cryptic post about how I had done something brave. I didn't feel like sharing details then. Six months later I am ready to share. A week before Mother's day, after months of consistent mediation with the simple intention of having more faith, I got a crazy inspiration. The inspiration was that I should set my ex-husband free of child support payments. I am not sure how it came. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it might not be so crazy.

I was not in the financial position to do this. But I realized that: a) when selfish people owe you money, they hate you for it (he is the type of person who would spend 1000s of dollars fighting me over a couple hundred dollars) b)money is an energy exchange. I am in the business of positive energy. I suspected that if I acted in faith and let go of this negative energy exchange, I might actually make more money and have more abundance in every way. This is what happened two summers ago when I followed inspiration and cut my work week in half to spend more time with my daughter.

So after only a week of thinking about it, I did it. The phone call was completely baffling to him. He asked me if it was a passive aggressive tactical maneuver. I laughed and said no. I am just done fighting about money.

And that was it. I felt so free! I wanted to tell everyone. But I kept it quiet because child support is a topic that triggers a lot of other people's stuff and I didn't want them to worry for me or tell me I was stupid or that it wasn't fair that he gets off so easy. I knew that in fact, I was the one setting myself free, and that was very fair to me. 

After I released myself from that bondage, I did indeed notice an influx in clients and my own ability to recognize opportunities. I also noticed an unusual, and at first uncomforatble, peace and quiet in the relationship between me and my ex. But the biggest learning I had was when I went to the temple and discovered that God had things to teach me about money and about the Law of Consecration.

I sometimes feel a little sad that we as a people (or our ancestors, really) weren't ready and so missed the chance to live the law of consecration. But those of us who have been through the endowment session in the LDS temple do covenenat to live this law in our own way--specifically, that we will consecrate our selves, our time, our talents and everything that the Lord has blessed us with, or may bless us with, to building up of the kingdom of God.

This is the highest covenant we make in the endowment session. And associated with it is a token and sign. There is only one higher covenant we make in the temple, and that is the sealing covenant--when husband and wife are sealed to each other for time and all eternity. You may notice, if you have been to a temple sealing, that the betrothed couple uses the token of the Law of Consecration during the sealing ceremony. For me, this was a macro-cosmic mind explosion.

I know from statistics and from experience that one of the things married couples fight about most is money. (Sex and in-laws are next on the list. But I'll save those for another blog post.) I realized that if a couple really were both living this covenant and taking it to heart, then there would be few arguments about money.
I thought perhaps this information was preparing me for when I would be a couple again.

One thing to note about the words of the covenant are that we not only consecrate our means and time and talents, but also our "selves."  If one consecrates him or herself, to the building up of God's kingdom, then that person is not likely to want anything unrighteous. Consecrating one's self, means literally to become one with God. We do this in many ways, (the most obvious is birth), but I will have to save that for a whole different post.

Here comes the second part of the macrocosmic mind explosion. In the endowment we covenenat to give everything to God, then in the sealing ceremony, he promises to give us everything He has. Thrones, principalities, kingdoms, powers, etc. Woah! Does anyone else feel that this is more than fair?

Queen Elizabeth. Not wearing her crown, but boy she had style.

One last big thing I learned during a temple session when I was meditating on the law of consecration is this: just because we promise to consecrate everything we have to building the Kingdom of God, doesn't mean that we are to be ascetics or to deny ourselves of all luxuries. In fact, Jesus Christ, both enjoyed luxuries, and gave luxurious gifts.

Here is a great quote from Jesus the Christ, by James Talmage, on page 110 (discussing John 2:11):

"The presence of Jesus at the marriage, and His contribution to the successful conduct of the feast, set the seal of His approval upon the matrimonial relationship and upon the propriety of social entertainment. He was neither a recluse nor an ascetic; He moved among men, eating and drinking as a natural, normal Being. On the occasion of the feast He recognized and heeded the demands of the liberal hospitality of the times, and provided accordingly. He, who but a few days before had revolted at the tempter's suggestion that He provide bread for His impoverished body, now used His power to supply a luxury for others."

Back in May, as I was sitting in the temple and contracting a little bit (just a small freak out) after having given up child support, I got a very clear inspiration to go and get a manicure and a pedicure. I don't even blink any more at strange inspirations, but I do like to understand, if I can, and so I meditated on this a little longer and I these scriptures came to mind:

18 Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart;
 19 Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul.
 20 And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion. (Doctrine & Covenants 59)

Hmm. Well, having pretty nails does make me happy, and to me, it is symbolic of a certain level of self care that I like to maintain. (If my toenails are a mess, I feel like life is a little out of control.)  It was wonderful to feel that a loving Heavenly Father would be absolutely generous with our Heavenly Mother in this way and I felt he was showing me this same generosity. Interestingly, I felt it was not just the generosity of a loving father, but an example of a generous partner. Again, preparing me to be in a couple? I believe so. 

Back to the words of the covenant again: I also realized that the Kingdom of God is also within my own body, as Christ taught, and that if I don't take care of that Kingdom, then I won't have much to offer anyone else.

So I went and got a mani/pedi. I told my friend about it on the phone that night. I was happy. My nails looked pretty. I got out of the lack mentality and suddenly had an influx of clients, friends, free stuff, and helpers of all kinds. Not only did I let go of child support, but I also let go of lack. And in letting go, I gained everything.

As my gift to you, I would like to share with you, a powerful prosperity meditation. Here is a video on how to do it. Many blessings.

If you liked that video or any of my blog posts and want to pass them on, please click one of those tiny little icons below in the gray box to email or share this post via your preferred method. And if you are pinner, you know what to do.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Deep Into the Head Covering Question

When we meditate in Kundalini Yoga, we are encouraged to cover our heads. I have often been asked by students why. I never knew exactly how to answer this because I have heard so many different reasons over the years, and also because I may have gotten the reasons confused in my mind with the reasons for veiling, which, to be clear, is a whole different issue. However, there is something so right about covering the head that I have obviously adopted it without bothering too much on why. In fact, in my bio I say that I sometimes wish Mormons wore turbans. I'll get to that in a bit, but first, I should mention that everything I write in this post is meant to get you thinking about the body as a temple, and so even if you hear terms that are unfamiliar, remember that we are headed in the direction of the sacred.

For the last few months, I have been sifting this over in my mind. I have been noticing in the temple and at church buildings, that a great amount of gospel art that portrays biblical times, shows people wearing turban-like head coverings.

This is similar to a large picture in a the LA temple that I cant find online. But notice how everyone is wearing a turban. In the picture at the LA temple, Jesus is also wearing one.

Last week, some of my meditation webinar ladies asked the same question. What are the reasons for covering the head while meditating? I decided to get a solid answer for them.

Here are some different things I have heard over the years.

  • It shows respect. 
  • It helps you focus.
  • It keeps unwanted spirits out of your crown chakra (energy center at the top of the head) and helps open that gate to God.
  • It affects the energy flow in your meridians (energy channels in the body).

I think all of the above are probably true and good reasons. But here is what I found last week from an old lecture by Yogi Bahjan:

"It's a yarmulke which you have been wearing for centuries, as Jews, as Christians, as Muslims. Because there are twenty-six bones in the head which need a cranial adjustment, and that self-crowning and that adjustment are your right. Your skull has exactly twenty-six parts, as you have twenty-six vertebra, as your foot has twenty six bones. One bone off, and the corresponding muscle and nerve will give you a relevant sickness. One vertebrae loose only one thousandth of a millimeter will give you disease. One part of the cranium off will give you absolute depression so much so that you cannot take it."

I wondered about this. It seems very scientific. And he even says this, in the next paragraph of this lecture--that he is a scientist. But Kundalini is a science of elevation. It is at once physical and beyond physical. At first, this answer seemed very physical. Until I read it several times.

I realized that everything physcial is also spiritual. If the body is a temple as Christ taught, then there may be "more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophies," as some philosophers suggest. I am still pondering the significance of the number 26, but I'm sure there is deep symbology in this too.

What I finally realized was the most important part of YB's quote (I was distracted by all the 26s) was this part: "...that self crowning and that adjustment are your right." If we are indeed kings and queens, preists and priestesses, then a crown would be our birthright.

Many people I know who wear a turban, and who practice kundalini yoga, wear it beautifully, with a jeweled turban pin like the picture of my beautiful friend below. As far as head coverings go, I usually opt for something quick and simple, but even then, I have to admit, there is something royal feeling about it. After all, Kundalini Yoga is a Raj yoga, which means, royal yoga--it was handed down via a royal lineage.

It just so happens that two of the women in the meditation class/webinar are studying cranial-sacral therapy from a Christ centered perspective, and I can't wait to hear what they think about this. I don't know a ton about Cranial-Sacral Therapy, but I do know a bit about the pituitary gland. The pituitary gland is a master gland which rests in the sphenoid sinus (part of the sphenoid bone), which is housed in your cranium.

Interestingly, the sphenoid sinus is shaped exactly like the sacrum (which is the bone at the base of the spine between the last vertebra and the tailbone.) And the sphenoid bone, and the pelvis are shaped exactly alike as well. (And if you are wondering, about the word sacrum, yes it does come from the Latin for sacred).

Here is a picture of the Sphenoid Bone

Here is a picture of the pelvis with the sacral bone in the center.

Is this a coincidence that both ends of the chakra system have the same architecture--that they mirror each other--like the two veils--the veil we come through to get into this life (womb) and the veil we must go through (temple veil) to get to the next world? I don't think so. Especially since the Kundalini (your divine potential) is believed to reside at the base of the spine. When a person experiences a "Kundalini rising," this energy rises up through the shusmana, or central spinal channel, passes through the heart chakra, and ultimately passes through the pituitary gland (which is also known as the 3rd eye or brow chakra) and then out the top of the head and up to God. Oneness. Etc. This kind of blows my hair back every time I think of it.

But even if I didn't know all this, I know how I feel when I forget to cover my head. I feel like my brains are falling out. I feel unmoored. When I cover my head while meditating, I feel grounded and humble, more alert, and well, royal.

As far my not-so-secret wish that Mormons wore turbans--well I have entirely different reasons for that desire, which I will have to go into in another blog post.

I love comments.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The Mantras Are All About Christ

I have been teaching a meditation webinar/series to a lovely group of about 25 women. It started last week. All are LDS. I have assigned each of them Kirtan Kriya for their 40-day meditation because it's such a good one and because I like the idea of them all being united in their meditation journey.

Part of Kirtan Kriya is that you chant a mantra: Sa Ta Na Ma. Each sylable of the mantra means, birth, life, death/change, and rebirth. I have taught this for years. But I have been so busy teaching people of all faiths that I often leave things very open for interpretation, knowing that the sound current and the technology will change them no matter how they interpret the mantras or mudras. But today one of my students said that she had the impression that Sa Ta Na Ma was all about Christ. At first, I didn't understand, then I realized. Of course! It is all about Christ's birth, life, sacrifice, and resurrection. How funny that I missed that. I mean, I see Christ in all rebirth, but I never really saw how this mantra so specifically references Him. It's startling how obvious it is now. Ha!.

One other cool thing I realized once I realized that: The mantra Sa Ta Na Ma is really the mantra Sat Nam broken down into it's essential sounds. The meaning of the mantra Sat Nam, is translated as "I am Truth, Truth is my name/identity."

What that means is that your true self (that pure and perfect spirit that is without any flaw or weakness that comes with being mortal) is your true identity. Not the body/mind that we identify with most of the time. It is you the way Christ sees you. And that's why we not only tune out with one (or several) long Sat Nams, but we also often use it as a greeting. And when you greet someone with Sat Nam, you are calling on that truest part of them. You are attempting to see them as Christ sees them.

I love it.

Sat Nam.

Just saying that to someone or when you enter a room can clear any karma. It can remove negative energy.

Sat Nam is also a seed mantra, which is a kind of mantra that plants a seed in your subconscious mind. A seed, as you know, is meant to sprout and grow. And what a great seed to plant in your subconscious mind--that your true identity is pure and good.

This brings me to something that I have been meaning to write about for a long time. For some time now I have been seeing a connection between these kundalini yoga and meditation teachings and the LDS temple ceremony. If you have been through the endowment ceremony in the LDS temple, you may have noticed that we chant mantras there. We also use mudras. Think and you will remember. I plan to write several blog posts about this, but for now, I would just like to invite you to think about the importance of the use of names in the temple and how our own names can be a seed mantra.

In the Bible Dictionary under Names of Persons it says: "The numerous passages of holy scripture in which reasons are given for bestowing a particular name on any person show that the Hebrews attached great importance to the meanings of their names."

My own name, Felice, means happy. Thinking about the idea of  truth being my name/identity is interesting for me. Felice could be a seed mantra for me. It was my mother's intention for my life that I be happy, and every time I say it to another person or they say it to me, it can be a seed that is planted in my subconscious.

That's all I am going to say about this for now...I would love your thoughts.

Sat Nam.

Friday, September 28, 2012

What Does Personal Reveleation Feel Like?

Several of my good friends are currently struggling with anxiety and depression. This week, one of them said to me that she can't feel God anymore. She can't feel His presence or answers. This is terrifying to her. She is beginning to question everything.

Medication has helped a little bit, but she still feels numb. She used the word feel a lot. She wondered out loud to me today, "if a medication can block me from feeling the Spirit, then maybe the Spirit is not real. Maybe it is just a hormone."

Of course I believe that this was her depression and doubt and fear talking, but it switched a light bulb on for me. I realized that many people don't know any way of getting revelation other than through their feelings. And so of course if one's feelings are numb, this might be a logical conclusion. 

I used to be that way. I needed to feel a burning in my bosom with tears brinking to know I was feeling the Spirit, or to feel that I was being guided and led along. I now see that only having one way of receiving personal revelation is problematic. If one's feelings suddenly become hijacked by depression or chemistry, a person may feel spiritually abandoned--drowning in a choppy sea. 

There was a trend in the 80s and 90s (I don't notice it as much now) for church talks and lessons and testimonies to be heavily laden with emotional stories that were meant to make everyone weep. Not that stories are bad, but I think that there was a wide-spread confusion between feeling emotion and feeling the Spirit.

I have learned in recently years that God and his angels communicate with you in whatever ways you open to. Or rather, whatever you'll realize is communication. A few years ago I opened my self up to all kind of metaphysical communication and I got it. Boy did I get it. If I told you all the ways I know I am led along throughout the day, you might laugh. I often do, especially when my ancestors move things, when the clock always says 1:11 or 2:22 or 3:33 every time I look at it. Or when a butterfly flies in front of my car on the freeway. And of course when I stop in the middle of a meditation for no reason and read a scripture that ends up being a missing link to something. Why did I stop? I didn't feel "prompted." I didn't feel a burning in my bosom. I didn't feel anything. I just thought, I want to pick up my scriptures right now. Sometimes words come, like: "Go to hypnotherapy school." Sometimes other people say things. Sometimes my daughter tells me "Mom, you should go to yoga." And I go. And in truth, she was divinely inspired to boss me around such. All of this is personal revelation. Don't get me wrong. I still have feelings. Tears still leak at times, but not as much as they used to. Mostly I feel a smiling feeling all over my cells.

Sometimes I teach people a powerful meditation and they tell me that it is not relaxing (the meditation for healing addictions is one example). I get it. They are expecting to go into a warm fuzzy trance, which I also enjoy. But when they open themselves up to something different, magic happens. 

I know many people have struggled with anxiety and depression, and so I'd love to hear your experiences with this. What has helped you to feel better, or to know that God is there? What other ways do you get communication? What advice would you give my friend besides hold on, it will get better? She already knows I think meditation is a huge key, especially the technology that I'm about to unpack for everyone on October 2 in the meditation webinar. (Hopefully she will join us.) But please share other thoughts and ideas if you will.

Sat Nam.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Give-Away! Handcrafted Meditation Journal

My husband is into making books. Not just writing them, but cutting up paper and sewing the binding. Book-binding is an old-world art. 99.9% of all books are bound by machine now. But there is something fun about making your own notebook. I am a notebook fanatic, so that makes it even more fun have customized one-of-a-kind journals. Last week Rocky showed me how to make them.

I made three. Two are small sized and have 80 blank pages each, which I made specifically as a 40-day meditation journal.

I chose the fly-leafs and the inserts from other cut up old books. The fabrics on the outside were once neckties. There is a longer story about Rocky and neckties that I will tell someday.   

But for my blog readers I am doing a give-away of the colorful meditation journal with some cool surprise insert pages. Like I said, this journal took me days and days to make, so I can't really put a value on it. Maybe $500. And once you fill it with your insights and wisdom, it will be worth even more. 

This giveaway will be open for two weeks. I will announce the winner October 8. You can enter multiple times to win. Each bullet point below gets you one entry. In your comment just let me know all the things you did so you get counted for each entry.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Meditation Monday

Mondays are a good day to begin things. Or at least to think about beginning them and then begin in earnest on Tuesday. Today I finally re-recorded the Meditation for Releasing Anger and Negativity.

The write-up on this meditation in in this blog post. But the original video wasn't exactly accurate and so I redid it and I'm re-posting it here and in the original post. I feel about this meditation like some people feel about their morning coffee. I notice that my whole day is better if I do it first thing. And after months and months of doing it, I notice a huge difference when I miss it in the morning. Others notice, too. I had a rough week last week and I missed the anger meditation a few days in a row. Was it rough because I missed the meditation or did I skip the meditation because it was rough? A tough chicken-egg question, but my True Love did tell me that he would appreciate it if I did it every day. :)

Here it is. To read the directions you can go to this blog post or go to the you tube description. It's all in there.

Has anyone been doing this? Let me know what you experience with it.  Many blessings.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

About This Blog

The post below is just a copy of my about page. If you read it once, you might want to read it again becuase I have revised it. Also, a friend of mine suggested that I should make it a blog post too-because I guess not everyone reads the about page. So here you go. I love comments.

About Me

A few years ago, I started a blog called The Gift of Giving Life, as a counterpart to the book I was working on. Now that that book has become a reality, the blog has necessarily changed. It no longer makes sense for it to be my personal blog, so I now share it with my book collaborators, guest posters, and a birth story of the week. This change makes me happy, but also sad. For a good long time, that blog was my friend, and at one time, my only meaningful connection with sisters in spirit.

That's when I got the nudge, gentle this time, that I needed to start another blog. If you are wondering about the title, well--there was really no other title. The story about my being a prophetess begins years ago when I was trying to conquer my fear of public speaking. I threw up all night before I had to give a speech to a very large audience (still my largest audience). I called my friend for a priesthood blessing and in the blessing he blessed me with the spirit of prophecy, which I thought was strange. He also blessed my body to be well and that I would radiate light. Not only did I feel immediately healed from my nausea and weakness, but it was the best speaking high I have ever had. I did feel that I radiated light. Since then I adore public speaking.

Me hosting an art, music and spoken word salon at my house. I love the microphone.
When I went home that day, I said a thank you prayer and read up on prophecy. I didn't realize regular people could have the spirit of prophecy. I learned that in fact, a prophet is anyone that testifies of Christ and teaches righteousness or "uplifts unto edification." Missionaries are prophets. Teachers, parents, bloggers--can all be prophets and prophetesses. Of course, they are not the prophet, or the person called by God to give revelation for His church on the earth (I believe that this is Thomas S. Monson), but within our own circles of influence (home, family, work, blogosphere) being a prophetess is something that I think we can all humbly strive for.

Me and my little prophetess

I also chose that for blog title because ever since my sweet five-year-old daughter told me what she wanted to be when she grew up--a prophetess--I have not been able to stop thinking about this. If I am raising a prophetess, I need to be one.

The definition of "progressive" means moving forward and improving. I firmly believe that each generation should be better and more spiritually evolved that the last.We do this through steady incremental growth, facing resistance when it comes up, and by allowing our Source to heal and transform us. By Source I mean one's higher power, whatever that means for you. I call my higher power God, and for me that refers to two people, a united eternal couple that are my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.

Like Joan Didion, I write to know what I think. I can't not write, and I write about everything. No topic is off limits, but you will find that I blog a lot about meditation and the mind-body connection. And because the body is a temple, I also will be blogging much about temples--both the ancient temple (ie. Solomon's temple, etc.) the temple of our bodies, our modern LDS temples, and how meditation relates to the temple. As a hypnotherapist and Kundalini Yoga and Meditation teacher, I love to share these wonderful teachings and tools with everyone. I think I am especially good at explaining the technology behind them in terms that people from a background of organized religion can understand. Though I am a Mormon, this blog is not written exclusively for Mormons. So if you are Mormon, get used to a few terms that might sound new-agey to you, like Source, or Higher Power or Aquarian Age (I'll do my best to explain all these things or link to their explanation for you), and if you are of some other faith, I'll do my best to explain any specifically LDS doctrine or jargon. (LDS stands for Latter-day Saint, which is part of the official name for the Mormon Church which is: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)

I hope that you will sign up for my newsletter (right panel) and follow the blog even before I offer you a free e-book on meditation. I am working on that now. That way, when it comes out, you'll be the first to know. and I hope that what I write and share is uplifting and edifying and that you will share it with others. Because, as Yogi Bhajan said, "I have not come to gather disciples, but to train teachers." I also love to learn from my readers through comments and discussion. So I hope you will not only read but engage, even if it is just to say you've been here. Many of my best friendships began with a blog comment.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Week 2 - Everything Changes

So much happened in a week. Or at least it seems that way. Last Tuesday I spent all day with LA's finest. I think I alluded to my second worst nightmare more than 6 months ago. Well, it finally came to head, which I pray means an end. I can't go into details, but let me just say that I have a new found respect for the L.A.P.D. And it looks like Rocky and I now have full custody of my daughter.

The timing of everything is most interesting. Perhaps this is why we felt like we should get married sooner than later. Perhaps this is why I felt like I shouldn't teach any new Hypnobabies classes this fall. It has been so nice to have a partner through all of this. Especially someone who can give me a priesthood blessing whenever I want. Also, I know that it is because of my solid practice of meditation that I was able to get through last week with grace. And I'm sure my practice will help everyone in the weeks to come as we adjust to all the changes.

We are grateful and happy. I am very much looking forward to the group energy of the 40-day meditation webinar series coming up on October 2. This webinar is for The Gift of Giving Life readers or fans. But it is not about pregnancy--just meditation, which tends to cause rebirth---but you don't have to be pregnant to join.

I guess this is my own testimonial about how no matter how crazy life is, that it is all the more reason to commit to do something that will up-level you. I have seen it so many times. When one person in the family (especially mom) makes positive changes, the entire family benefits.

If you haven't signed up for the webinar yet and have any questions, please email me. I'm happy to answer them. Or register here.

If you have already begun or been practicing meditation for a while, now, please update me on how it is going. Your experiences can strengthen others on their path.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Married Life

I got married a week ago. Hooray! It was the most wonderful day. I was so excited to have all my book collaborators come and I got to spend time with them in my own city. Heather came in early Friday with Abe and we went to the beach for an hour and I baptized myself in the ocean.

It was Abe's first ocean dip, so he decided to go all in, too.

Robyn and Jeff came a few hours later and we all hung out and got ready for the party Friday night, which turned out amazingly better than I could have dreamed. We had it in a friend's back yard under the blue moon and friends met friends and everyone met Rocky, Me and Phoebe. After everyone ate Mediterranean food, Rocky invited them to romance us with their words. We sat in the center of the audience and just watched the magic unfold.

It was a little like fast and testimony meeting in that there was sometimes long pauses between speakers. For some people that pause is terribly uncomfortable. For others, like Rocky and I, it's fun to watch people squirm about who will be next.

One of Rocky's friends broke the ice with a funny story and then Heather gave us some words of wisdom from the two greatest philosophers of all time: Bill and Ted. Be excellent to each other.

Then my dad and his wife got up and decided to sing to us. They adapted the song "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof to fit us and our situation. I wish I had a video camera. They were so charmingly imperfect that it opened the energy for a whole new level of authenticity. It also made me cry. I love that song. (Sorry pictures aren't available yet... But as soon as they are I'll update this post.)

Other highlights were:
  • I got to meet Rocky's brother, who said some beautiful things that made Rocky seem like a good  brother.
  • Laura, who is the reason Rocky and I are together now, wrote us a beautiful poem called Blue Moon.
  • I got everyone to sing along with Rainbow connection. 
  • Buna read Pablo Neruda. 
  • One of Rocky's friends wrote us a poem from the future. :)
  • Christi sang us a beautiful song and so did Jake. 
  • Everyone there had a wonderful time. They all said they wished they had done something similar for their wedding instead of a reception. I agreed. It was a magical evening, but also one that only happens once in a blue moon.
The next day we were sealed, and by talking to the right person I managed to have the white wedding I had so sincerely wanted. That means everyone was wearing their white temple clothes and we got to be in the sealing room off of the celestial room, which is the most sacred room in the temple.

As we were sealed, I listed to the words of the sealing. The promises of the sealing ordinance are pretty amazing. Basically God promises us all He has, which is way more than we promise him when we promise all we have.... (I'll write more about this soon when I write about the law of consecration.)

After our sealing we all hung out in the celestial room for a while before Rocky and I dressed and made our triumphal re-entry into the world.
On preparing to go outside, the temple worker, Brother VonWagoner, who will forever live in or memory, gave us instructions about when to exit and what cue to listen for as he announced us. I realized how this is the only thing the temple does that is like a performance. It's completely orchestrated from start to finish, from the moment you arrive till you walk out. And it seems like the workers who get to help with that performance really enjoy it--especially Brother VonWagoner.

After the cheers, we gave Phoebe her own ring, so she'd feel part of the day and then she threw some flower petals down because that's what she's done at all the other weddings she has been to in her life. So we let her.

Then after more pictures we drove off to our honeymoon.

I feel like this blog is getting long, but I don't think you'll stop reading just as I am about to give highlights from the honeymoon.

Here are several things Rocky and I realized on our honeymoon.

We both feel like the sealing ordinance changed us, physically. A few days before we were married, we decided to read the marriage essay in The Gift of Giving Life. It had been a while since I read it, and even though I wrote it, I don't feel like it was written by me. More on that later. In it, there is a quote from Orson Pratt about the Holy Spirit of Promise, which is described as the binding agent in the universe. It's what seals couples for time and all eternity and Orson Pratt describes the effects of making that spirit fully present in your lives:

"[The Holy Ghost] quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being."

Rocky and I both work on having the Spirit in our lives, but when we were sealed it was like it took it to a whole new level and all of our senses were heightened. We were fortunate to eat a lot of delicious food on our honeymoon. But it wasn't just delicious, it was amazingly wholesomely delicious. Rocky even commented on our meals hours later. He is the one who used to tell me "I don't live to eat, I just eat to live." Well since September 1, he might have transformed into an unapologetic foodie.

After so many good meals in a row, we were both choosy about where we ate next. We didn't want to ruin our streak. And miraculous epicurian miracles kept happening. But it wasn't just our tastebuds that seemed different. Even the breeze and the sunset seemed more amazing. Rocky was positively drunk on the breeze coming in from our balcony that wafted between his toes. He was babbling like a drunk man about how beautiful it was. I felt like I was watching every cell in his body changing and filling with light. And I could feel mine changing too.

At a local farmer's market on our honeymoon.
The coolest part, for me, was the difference in the sound current. We began a 40-day meditation together before we got married and the first day we meditated together as a married couple, we both noticed that something was different. I have always loved the way the sound current flowed through us as we did Kirtan Kriya together back-to-back, but this time it was different. It was like the frequency was elevated and we were elevated with it. I will always love Kirtan Kriya for carrying us into our marriage. And I think that is what meditation does. It carries into change in a graceful, loving way. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I'm Getting Married in 3 days

I'm getting married on Saturday. You can't say that every Wednesday. I guess you could but you'd be weird, and people would eventually stop sending you gifts and money.

I don't even know how to begin writing about it, so I guess I will do what I assigned my writing class last week, I'll make a list.


1. I conceived of Project True Love in July of last year (2011) and September 1st  was the day I officially began the project. I didn't realize that when we picked our wedding date, but later, when reading my PTL diaries, I remembered. It seems so fitting that one year after setting a clear intention I have not only found true love, but am getting sealed to that love forever. 

2. It's sooner than October 1, which would also be a good date.

3. It's the weekend before school starts for my daughter. 

4. 2012 is known among yogis as a re-birthing year. September is the 9th month of that year. Indeed, I do feel like I have been in the process of re-birthing myself since January,  and I can see that Rocky also has been on a re-birthing track. It seems fitting that we'd come together and finish this year together.

5. It is a holiday weekend and while that means more traffic, it also means more happiness in general in the energetic field. I like that.

6. It is the day after a blue moon, which only comes around once in a blue moon.

7. I feel lucky that I am getting married in this stage of life when I already have a deep appreciation and love and understanding about the temple and the ordinances performed there.

Not just in the building on Santa Monica Boulevard that I love, but also the temple of my body and the ordinances that will be preformed there after our sealing.

I will have another blog post with my deep thoughts on the above soon.

The wedding plans have been very simple and easy for the most part. I had always though eloping would be romantic and stress free, but I also wanted my book collaborators to be there, so I opted for the next best option, which is to that we are just getting sealed and then leaving on our honeymoon. No reception. No engraved invitations. Just the main event. Then the second main event.

We are having a blue moon party the night before so that we can spend time with all our out of town guests. It's going to be a reading. I'm so excited. If you know me, you know that I love words, and I love the sound current. And I can speak for Rocky's fondness of words too. (This is one of my favorite things that he has brought to our relationship.

A two volume Oxford English Dictionary. We fondly refer to it as The O.E.D. We are looking for a podium on which to rest it so that it can be on permanent display.) So we are both looking forward to being showered with cool poetry, quotes, speeches, songs, and I might make everyone chant a mantra with us. I just love the energy of everyone's voices chanting together. I love how it vibrated in my every cell. There is nothing quite so cool. I'll have to pick a mantra.

Here is one more picture of us because I love it.

I hope I get to blog again before then, but if not. Send me your words in the comments. Muah. xoxo.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Fun with Heather

Okay so Heather and I rocked the LDS booksellers's convention and our book got a great deal of attention and recognition from Deseret Book, which is the bookstore owned by the LDS church and which has about 90% of the LDS market. We also schmoozed with the independent bookstores too, but they were a little afraid to take a risk on us. But DB is already planning book signings for us at about 10 different stores in several states where my collaborators  live. We are excited about this happening so fast, but I guess I am not surprised. As I said in my last post, I set the intention to sell 5000 by the end of the year. I think that could be possible now.

Me and Heather at the LDSBA convention.
The best part of my trip though was staying with Heather. Heather is one of my book collaborators and the only one who lives in Utah. She writes the blog Women In The Scriptures. I love that woman. And I don't get to see her often enough. For a long time, she has been wanting me to teach her how I meditate. So even though we both didn't sleep much Wednesday night, we got up early to meditate together before the convention. I taught her the meditation for releasing anger and negativity and then we did a mantra meditation for happiness and protection. It was so cool to hear and feel the vibration of the sound current in my every cell as we chanted the mantra. I also taught her a prosperity meditation, which we did both days before the convention. I'm pretty sure it worked. Prosperity comes in many forms, including money, a new friend or contact, and new opportunity, knowledge, free stuff, etc, and we basically received all of those things on Thursday and Friday as we talked to people at the convention.You can read a longer post about this here.

I also got some clarity on exactly what I want to do with this blog and what my mission is now that the book is done and out. You'll have to live in suspense till my next blog post, but I promise it holds great things in store for readers. And I promise to post videos of all those meditation soon. That's a hint.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Speed Dating for Books

Oh goodness. It's been 3 weeks since my true love moved here and I haven't really blogged since. And I don't have much time to blog today because I am getting ready to leave town to go to the LDS Booksellers Association Convention. That is where wholesalers and retailers get together and speed pitch and then have a two day convention where they hopefully remember us from the speed-dating event and come to our booth and order 1000s of copies of our book.

In January of this year I set a goal to sell 5000 copies of The Gift of Giving Life by the end of the year. I didn't know if that was an outrageous goal or not. But from what I have learned, most books don't sell more than 5000 copies total. Ever. In their life time. We have already sold about 600 copies since our book came out only 3 months ago. That is just through our website and Amazon. There is one Deseret Book in Idaho that carries a few copies, because several customers requested them, but until now, we haven't made an effort to get them into stores. So I think that we will do well at this event, because it is clear that they sell well and in multiples (everyone buys one for a friend). Hopefully we'll meet that goal by the end of the year. I just want to get the book and the spirit of the book into as many homes as possible.

I will also be selling my Peaceful Parenting Affirmations and Kids Affirmations into LDS retail stores as well. So hopefully they'll pick those up with as much excitement as our book. If you haven't downloaded your copy of the affirmations, you can click the link above or on the right sidebar. My friend Shannon plays the kids affirmations for her son every night. He has them memorized. It's adorable. One of the affirmations says "Even when I'm mad, I'm still a good kid."  And one day last week, Shannon was ranting and raving a bit, and her 2 year old said: "Even when you're mad, you're still a good mommy."

I love it!

If you have a story like this, please share them with me! But you have to download them first. :)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

How Does One Sell Life Changing?

I got an amazing testimonial yesterday from a previous student who took my Writer's Mind class. This is something I developed that brings together my two careers and passions--its a writing workshop that incorporates hypno-tools to help writers get more confident and motivated and creative. And I have to say that I think it has been epic, but nonetheless, I was sort of blown away to read it from her point of view.  Here is some of what she said in an email to friend that she then gave to me to use as a testimonial.

The Writer’s Mind course, for me, changed everything. It was an epic beginning that has transformed my entire life. I highly recommend it for those who write all the time as well as those who have never actually allowed their writing voice to be heard.

I have always known that I needed to write, not by obligation, but for sanity and understanding of myself and the world. Unfortunately like so many, I spent so much of life feeling corked--unable to get the thoughts in my head onto the paper. This course came via recommendation from a good friend who felt like I desperately needed this writing outlet in order to deal with my life in a healthy manner. She was spot on right.

I found, during this class, that the words flowed easily and smoothly from my fingers (for the first time ever)--that I was finally able to put on paper some things that have needed for years to be able to put on paper. The ability to finally be able to write, in conjunction with the subconscious changes that began through the hypnotherapy aspect of this course, facilitated substantial healing of broken dreams, heartache and grief from loss.  So basically, for me, the fruits of the class was epic change, internally, in ways that I desperately needed but didn't know how to find. It was just the beginning. Since then major changes have taken place inside of me and I have gushed in the writing of them. Its been so amazing. And I attribute it entirely to the techniques and tools from this course. ...

Like I said, this course, was the beginning of everything changing--changes I have been seeking after for years and years and have been unable to lock into have finally settled in. Changed my life, rocked my world. I'm a huge advocate. Obviously....

She goes on. And others have gone on in like fashion here. Suffice it to say, this is kind of a rockin' thing I have created. But I have noticed that sometimes people don't want life changing, even if it is positive. Because it is much easier to do what you already know. So I have had a difficult time filling this class, although I suspect many people are just waiting till the absolute last minute to register. We'll see. That seems to be the pattern. And for this reason we'll also be working on procrastination.

But I had this idea that maybe if I give away some love, I will get more. So I have decided to give away one scholarship to The Writer's Mind to someone who really wants and deserves it. I'm not sure what criteria I will use to decide. But if you are super excited about the possibility of this, then leave a comment here about why you should get it, or email me privately.

Writing is fun!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Project True Love Update

I haven't posted any Project True Love (PTL) updates lately, but it's not because nothing has been happening. I have just been keeping it to myself. My own little secret. When I started PTL last year (read parts 1, 2, 3, 4 here), I decided it was a 5-phase project. The first phase was lots of dates, which I have done before, but this time I opened myself to totally random set-ups and went at it solely with the purpose of learning and enjoying the company, not necessarily finding true love. But I did hope it would open the door (in some random way) to Phase 2.

About these Phases--only I know the definition of each Phase, because, well, this is my project and it helps me to save face if I am the only one who can judge where I am at. But even I got surprised. The facts are that Phase 1 did, in a round about way, lead me towards phase 2. But before I got to Phase 2, I discovered that there was another phase--we'll call it 1.5. I suspect most people don't have this phase, but for me, God felt it was right to throw this in there. I was getting schooled and it was my first lesson in letting go of how I think things should go down.

Then we skipped Phase 2 all together, and went straight to Phase 3. By this time, I had accepted that forces beyond my control were in charge. So by then, I was okay skipping Phase 2. Phase 3 was magical. It lasted all of 10 days. Now I am in Phase 4.

All this is to say that I am engaged. Betrothed.

The whole thing is a miracle that was set into motion many years ago. As my love says, "they could never make a proper film that could capture this miracle that is our love." It's true. No one could. 

If you have read my Gift of Giving Life Blog, you will be happy to know that my betrothed is named Rocky.

We are both writer nerds who love religious symbolism and birth metaphors and all things related to temples and veils. We are both a little punk rock, and butt-crazy in love with each other.

I don't remember saying yes. I think it was more like. "Uh-huh. I will."  Then getting mascara all over his shirt.

Right after that rainbows and stars started shooting out of our heads and we floated around bouncing off these for a while. Then we noticed that right near us was David O. McKay's grave. Did I mention he proposed in a cemetery? (We are both a little obsessed with cemeteries. We like them.) So we went and said hi to Pres. McKay.

R thought it was pretty cool that he was there to witness our happy event. In Rocky-speak, President McKay was a bad-ass. (BTW, Bad-Ass is kinda not a bad word around here. It is used with utmost reverence. You are lucky if you get called a B.A.) David O. McKay was a bad ass because he basically ushered in the modern era of the church. I also love him because he was such a huge proponent of meditation. All the modern day prophets counseled us to meditate, but David O. McKay spoke of the need for it most often. And when I read his words on it, which are numerous, I came to adore him. I think he was way ahead of his time in many ways. R says he also tried to give black people the priesthood. It didn't fly till later, but he tried.

So that's a little bit of the story. Here is a picture of us right after he asked me. I don't believe in Photo-shopping my blog pics, so yes that is mascara under my eye (the hazards of happy tears). And yes we are that beautiful. :)

Thanks for everyone who has loved us into this Miracle with a capital M. You know who you are.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

My Day or Her Day?

Today is the 6th anniversary of my birth into motherhood. I told Phoebe it was also my "birth-day" and she got excited then asked how old I was. I said I am a 6 year-old momma. She laughed and laughed and said I was a kid. She's right. I am a kid. I've only been doing this for 6 years. But feels like I was never not doing it.

For her birthday I took her and her best friend out to a cool bakery and told them to get whatever they wanted. They both got chocolate cupcakes with purple frosting. I would normally never feed them this garbage, but hey, it's her birthday. Interestingly she told me it was too sugary and only ate a few bites of the chocolate cake and none of the frosting. I didn't complain.

Then we went to the beach and made salad out of sand. The shells and rocks were the olives and the cheese and pepper on top.

It was fun, but for some reason I was a little sad. I had to take her to her dad's house and she didn't want to go--not unusual--but that was harder than normal today. So I came home and took a nap and made some meditation videos. I felt way better after Kirtan Kriya. They should be up by tonight so if you have been waiting, check it out.

In just a few days we will leave for our trip to Utah for all kinds of book launch stuff and to see cousins. Then I'll have her for a few weeks straight. It will be fun. I have to admit something.though. I told her it was her birthday trip so I could get out of throwing a party this year. I'm kind of over birthday parties.

Maybe I have written about this before, but I feel like we don't do anything to have a birthday. We just stay alive. And sure that is reason to celebrate. But what would be way cooler is if we celebrated, the way some outback tribes do, when we went through some sort of rebirth or change in our consciousness or way of being. And only we could know when that happened, so we'd just let everyone know when it was time to celebrate. And what a reason to celebrate!  

I probably would not have had a celebration for a lot of years, but in the last few years I would have had several a year. In just the last 6 months I feel like I have been through about 3 major transformations. Some days I am so overwhelmed with joy that I just gush tears because I can't believe how good God has been to me and how amazing my life is. What's amazing is that it is not fleeting, but has become more of the norm, so that sadness or commotion or negativity feel less common. Not surprisingly this rebirth stuff makes me feel very alive.
So if you want to come and celebrate with me, I'll be in Salt Lake City at our Gift of Giving Life Book Launch Party on Tuesday night June 26, 2012 at the Belvedere Grand Party Room. 29 S. State Street.

 I often wish I could meet some of my faithful and supportive blog readers in person and hug them. So I hope you will come and let me hug you.