Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Do You Know The Snow Queen?

It’s no secret that I don’t like cold. That’s why most of the retreats I have taught have been in warm seasons or places. But there is a part of me that keeps coming back to the snow queen. 

She is an image that keeps showing up. She looks like me in a Galadriel sort of way, long hair flowing down, standing on top of a mountain in a long white dress, surrounded by snow. But she is warm. She doesn’t need a parka or a knit hat with a puff ball on top. Or leg warmers or fleece lined tights. Her skin and eyes and lips all look like she is standing comfortably in the tropics, as every snow crystal radiates its unique brightness around her. 

This is the Goddess. The goddess in me. That carries warmth and radiance no matter where she is. And this must be the driving image behind the women’s retreat I will be co-hosting with Heavenly Mother in the lofty peaks of Utah in January. Otherwise, why would I go back to that snowy place? 

What better place to break the frozen lake within, enter and learn from the 7 layers of the heart, heal the voice, and allow the goddess—your own true self goddess image to arise in you. 

Join me and other women in warm community on this vision quest rebirth and make this coming year the best ever. 

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Starlight Navigation

I haven't blogged much in the last few months because I have been practicing being more and saying less. It is like living in haiku. It has been challenging. The last few months have burned away everything I thought I was. Which means I now get to expand the limits of an identity or a definition. I am. I am.

The one thing that hasn't changed is that I still rise before the sun and put 10% of my day on the altar. Here is a poem I wrote about it in Kauai.

Morning Sadhana

My boat knocks gently against
The other shore of the night
Long before first light shines
On the blue faced doves.

I am writing another one called Starlight Navigation. Did you know that that the north shore of Kauai is pitch black at night? There are no streetlights and the St. Regis Hotel has to black out all their windows with shades at night to prevent light pollution. This is because of the albatross and the shearwater, protected birds, who navigate by starlight.

The albatross and I are more alike than different. Navigating long distances by starlight. Half asleep.

Sometimes I look up at the stars and feel like I might fall into them. Like perhaps they are just their own reflection on water.

And I think about the new star, shining brighter than the rest.

Jesus Christ came to earth to redefine our navigation system.

He is the Light of the world and He is not limited to anyone's definition of him. He is an artist, a lover, a warrior, an engineer, a destroyer, a creator, a friend, a brother, a mentor, a gardener, a God, a human, a yogi, a Jew, a savior, a rabbi, an astronomer, a sailor, a fisher, a builder, a traveler, a healer, a bridegroom. And more. But primarily, He is Love.  Love is not something He said or did, it is just what He is. And what I am. And what you are.

But how can you remember this when you do not get up before the sun rises? The 4th watch is when Christ will come to you. I encourage you to spend time in the early nectar hours meditating on Him in the glow of your tree lights. Or if you are lucky enough to live in a place where you can see stars, turn out all the lights and navigate by starlight.

Happy holidays and lots of love from me and Amarjot Kaur this season.

Monday, December 14, 2015

What is Alchemy? Shamanism? Vision Quest?

Alchemy is the process of transmuting a common substance, usually of little value, into a substance of great value.

Some people would call this magical. Of course it is. Magic in the sense that Jesus is magic, and God is magic. And God is within all of us so we all have the capacity to turn our impoverished life experiences into something of great value.

So that's what I mean when I talk about alchemy.

What is a Shaman? Well a Shaman is a light who helps others to see in the darkness. Shaman are guides, often with spiritual gifts, who are able to help others see better. Shamanism is a confusing thing these days because anyone can call themselves a shaman. There are no certifications or licensing procedures and there are people out there with sketchy behaviors calling themselves Shamanic practitioners--such a giving people hallucinogenic drugs and calling it "medicine." I aim to give the title of Shaman back its grace--with the help of a few friends who will be with me at my upcoming retreat, which I should mention is a women's only retreat.

Women's Shamanic Alchemy Vision Quest Breakthrough Rebirthing Retreat - Click to learn more or register.

What is a vision quest? This is also confusing. There are two kinds of vision quests. One was a traditional Native American Ritual- When an adolescent boy was approaching manhood, he would go out into the wilderness alone without food and water and fasted and prayed for several days and called on God to give him a vision of what his future destiny or life work should be.

The other kind of vision quest was when a shaman needed an answer to a question and couldn't get it by other means and so went into a shamanic journey (similar to an advanced imagery journey they way I have trained people to do them, though slightly different) and commune with the spirit world through visions.

So basically, if you are into imagery, meditation, and elevation, you are already into all this stuff. We'll just be adding some new levels and including the Divine mother more and Mother Nature. This retreat will also continue to unfold the sacred feminine and heal the heart center of the world which is women.

I look forward to all of our alchemy together in the future. Sat Nam.

Monday, December 7, 2015

New e-Book: Mormons Explained For Kundalini Yogis

I did it. I wrote this e-book I have been joking about. It's a real book now. So far it is only on my online store. It's free if you want it as a PDF and consent to be added to my newsletter list. If you prefer to read ebooks on your reader, you can wait till it comes out on Kindle and pay a few bucks for it.

Click to download from the store

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Leaving Hawaii

am getting ready to leave Hawaii and feeling many different feelings. I am sad to leave but I also have a few things I won't miss-- like the mosquitos. Also, it's not like I came from a bad place. My California home is also like paradise most of the year. And I miss the heck out of that place. I also miss being dry and wearing dry clothes sometimes. Amarjot misses her best friends. She has made many new ones but there is nothing like the old ones. Yet I know once we leave here we will both miss Hawaii every day for the rest of our lives. 

The ocean is the biggest thing we will miss. It's warm. Clear to the bottom. When you get in it, all your cares float away. It works that way in California too, but not as easy to get in it this time of year. (Cold!)
Then there is the fruit. What can I say? If you have never had a local mango in Hawaii from Hawaii in its season. It's worth the airfare. Then there are all other magical fruits you maybe never heard of: star fruit, rombutan, dragon fruit, lilikoi-- I could wax poetic. 

All the things I wanted to happen while I was here happened. Like rebirthing my creative self and learning more about Hawaiian Shamanism and some other things that I put on my list. 

Amarjot became an even more hard core surfergirl. I'm afraid there is no going back for her. She's addicted to catching the next wave. She is so tan she looks native. 

But I am excited to put roots back down in our home land of California. We aren't far from the ocean and I can buy her a wetsuit if she notices that it's colder. Kids don't seem to notice the temperature though. She will go in the ocean no matter what. 

I also will miss the pace here. Or maybe it's not a pace so much as a mentality. My friend came to visit from the mainland and couldn't understand why the chocolate store wouldn't be open on Black Friday. The chocolate store in Hanalei is rarely open. I have only seen them open twice. They keep random hours despite thier posted sign. She said: "but I can't believe they'd want to miss out on all that business!"

I can understand it. Maybe they want to go to the beach too. It's not all about the dollar here. It's about enjoying the life. I hope I can take that mentality back to the mainland with me and share it in a loving way. 

I have learned so much and grown so much. If you have come for healing, Kauai makes you heal--but in a nice way. Everything I thought I was or was becoming was burned away. Then in the midst of the burning mother Kauai sends a gentle rain or a rainbow. 

 I recently did a rebirthing workshop where Yogi Bhajan said that the more distance you have from your identity the more you can heal. So I am keeping a healthy distance from identity and also from the need for identity. This is tricky. The only way is to just be. Hour by hour. Wave by wave. Dish by dish. Drop by drop. Page by page. With a little help from my friends. 

The future will be beautiful if I approach now with innocence and faith. 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Kauai Greetings

Chicken Plus Poetry is the name of my favorite instagram profile. Here is a great example of one.

Wherever I am, I am what is missing.

That's how I feel. If you haven't kept up, I am in Kauai now. Have been here more than a month. Here is a short summary of my days here:

Sleep, meditate, write, read, gasp at beauty, eat mangos, surf, swim, sun, little rain, sun, rinse and repeat.

Maybe I did come here sort of to run away from some things. But running away has it's beauty too.

Sometimes you can't see where you are from where you are standing.

The beauty here is not just in the landscape and the ocean and colors and light, though that is breath robbing. There is much beauty here because there is much beauty everywhere in the world, but there is an energy here of healing and Aloha, and a culture supportive of stopping and gasping. It's similar, in a way, to my hometown of Ojai, only more tropical. In Thailand they have a saying "Same. Same. But Different." That's how it is. Same same but different.

In Kauai I have also have had the space and time to read all kinds of things I've wanted to read just because they are beautiful. I have spent whole days reading and days exploring and I have written lots of haiku in notebooks. One day I swam in an underground lake inside a cave and had to swim through a portal into another cave called the blue room. As I swam through the opening I remembered that I had dreamt about this dozens of times since childhood. In the dream the swim through the tunnel was terrifying. In the real experience, I was somewhere between nervous and mermaid.

Mother Kauai has a way of offering you the healing you seek, even if you didn't know what it was that still needed to heal. Mine has been a creative recovery of my inner artist, which has been blocked for a few years, and with that creativity, I also recovered my magical inner child, my femininity, my grace, and so much more.

I was so blessed to be able to share some of this with all the beautiful women to came to my retreat a week or so ago. They were so amazing. Their progress was amazing in just a few days! But look what changes Alma made in a few days. And Paul. And Jesus. He did something cool in 3 days.

I made a few video interviews of them on the last day. If they look sad it's because they are leaving. They are amazing. You will be blown away if you watch these videos. Julie has lost a 100 lbs since starting her KY journey in May. Jo is doing an amazing job healinng from her huband's suice. Taranjot use to never allow herself to be photographed... Now look at her. She is so beautiful!

The cool thing about doing healing and chanting and prayers in Kauai is that there is nothing to the north except the north pole. Nothing to the south except the south pole. Surrounded by water, which is a superconductor, it can send the prayers out like a ripple around the whole entire world.

I haven't written much on my blog since I have been here, mainly because I got a clear message to take a break from blogging. Just in cast it wasn't clear enough, my computer keyboard stopped typing the N and the O key--as if passive aggressively saying NO.

The only reason I am blogging now (on a friend's computer) is to share how amazing these women are and how amazing Kauai has been and I am pretty sure I will be here again and do more retreats here in the future because there are only a few places one can do such deep healing in so much beauty.

If Hawaii is not in your future any time soon, don't worry, you can still access the benefits from what I have gained here when I bring it back this new year. But before I leave Hawaii, I will be streaming a very cool workshop December 5 wherein we will be utilizing the power of the islands and beaming that to you in your living room to activate your throat chakra and the power of your voice.

Aloha and Mahalo.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

What I Did This Summer and What's Next

I don't feel like writing an essay about my summer, but it feels like I need so share so much. Suffice it to say (for now) that it was epic and healed everything.  I traveled a bit both on and off planet. I did 40 days of 2.5 hours of Long Ek Ong Kaars in honor of Yogi Bhajan's birthday (bless that man) which helped to heal everything. Yes. Everything. It was super intense and took some time to process, but it did the job I guess. I am not normally so intense about Sadhana but I sort of got roped into it and saw what I could do, then I kept up. Now 2.5 hour sadhana seems like no big deal when I was doing a 2.5 hour meditation in addition to some yoga and my other meditations.

Wow. Who knew the subconscious mind was so deep and so full of garbage. But I guess when you are as old as I am (eons old I'm guessing) then it accumulates. Now I feel shiny and new and amazing and as I step into fully creating each day based on what's here an not what was affecting me from the past, I am so excited to create and share and help others even more.

As you may know I was in Salt Lake City, Utah this summer, which is not my home and I haven't ever really wanted to live there or spend much time there (I'm an ocean girl), but I answered the call with an open heart and had a good time and did a lot of good, I feel. At the end of the summer I was feeling super torn about what to do next. It felt like some timelines had shifted and that maybe I needed to stay longer to accomplish some things here. So I found a new house that was not just for the summer, and Ack! I signed a year lease.

But just a few weeks into September, I was processing some big stuff (this was the tail of healing "everything") and I freaked out and had a chat with God.

I said, "I know you have work for me to do here, and I'm totally willing... but I am unhappy with some things and feel like I need to get away to fully heal and process. Can I have a transfer?"

And God said, "Sure." God is loving and said, "Why don't you go to Hawaii. I know you have been wanting to go back and I do have some work for you to do there."


"Sure. You are not trapped. My work is not so rigid. You should enjoy it and show others that they can enjoy it. If they choose to. Life is about joy and Love. So I'll send you to Hawaii and you can learn more about Love. You haven't learned it all, but you will. Remember that weaknesses become strengths and you will teach others as you master it."

So that's what I am doing. I'm moving to Kauai for a few months--so far as I know now. I guess moving is a strong word. I still have a house in Salt Lake. But I will not be visiting it for a while. :)

What will I do in Kauai?. One of the things I am going to do with my new perfectly healed second chakra is to create and write more. Creativity is just flowing now. I will be working on poetry and memoir. My spirit guides are excited to help me. They say that there are many gems that need to be "retrieved" and put onto paper in this world.

I have also been given the charge of helping women heal their femininity and restore their grace. So I'll be writing more about that, but the first thing I was told to do was to hold a special retreat for women, on the island of Kauai with that theme. So in the way things work out when you are in the flow, it has all come together and is already planned. And as a cosmic second witness I got an email from Hawaiian Airlines saying that airfare to Hawaii is amazingly low right now through mid November. The retreat is Nov 5-9, 2015. So that helps if women want to come from the mainland.

Hawaii's garden isle of Kauai.

There will be daily kundalini yoga, meditation, snorkeling and beach fun, healing sessions and discussion on the retreat theme including how to heal our sexual selves, restore our grace, and be the Love we were created to be. There will be daily delicious healthy vegetarian farm-to-table cooking, as well as plenty of relaxation and free time. 

Women are the foundation of our society. Now more than ever before, as we have transitioned into the feminine age, all the healing and changes women make will more powerfully affect their relationships, families, and the whole world.  To learn more and Register for the Retreat click here. 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

A Little More Time And a Few More Monkeys

I have been thinking a lot about Moses. There was a moment when God became so fed up with the children of Isreal that he declared he would destroy them all and raise up a new covenant people. But because Moses pleaded with the Lord on their behalf, he changed the mind of God.

I have also been thinking of the parable of the vinyard in Jacob. The Lord of the vinyard is ready to burn it down and cut his losses but the servant keeps imploring him to wait a little longer. Do a little more pruning and grafting and see what happens. 

I feel that this is what happens. The timeline and destiny of the world changes day to day based on the prayers of the faithful servants. Someone told me a story about President Kimball (although she wasn't sure if it was him or President McKay so perhaps one of my readers will have a reference for me) about a time he was late for a meeting and his explanation was that he had received some revelation that Christ was coming soon and he had been pleading with the lord for a little more time to build up more righteous people on the earth. 

I keep feeling like we are getting more time. Things are still hastening, but there is no date stamp on things. And the whole way things play out could be different. 

I was recently reminded of the 100 monkeys again. I wrote a blog post about it last year. You can read it here.  I asked God how many enlightened monkeys there are in the world now (in America is what he is showing me) that can move a mountain with their faith and the number is now 85. That means only 15 more to get to 100!

If you know the study then you know once the population of monkeys who had adopted the new consciousness of washing their sweet potatoes rose to 100 suddenly all the monkeys on the whole island and actually whole chain of islands knew how to do it. 

I'm blessed to know many of these 85 people and hundreds more who are so close. So if you were thinking of maybe setting the intention to increase your faith or be more (rather than do more) I invite you to do so and join me. 

Sat nam

Monday, September 7, 2015

Introducing Some Cool Teachers

This summer I mentored 22 people who were crazy about Kundalini Yoga and wanted to become teachers.  First, I gotta say that if you want teach Kundalini yoga or if you just want to uplevel and toally change your life, a 200 hour level 1 teacher training is the absolute best thing I can think of to do it.

However, for those people who don't have a training within 300 miles of them or can't get a way for whole weekends or who just want a Christ-centered perspective on Kundalini Yoga to supplement their training, I created my mentorship program, or as I some times call it Level  Zero Teacher Training or Jedi Training.

Yogi Bhajan taught that every student should be a teacher. If you even know one meditation you should teach it. It's good to have a little bit more training though if you want to really teach classes and stuff, so I have been training select people for a few years now. Many of them have gone on to do Level 1 and some have not but are amazing teachers. I want to introduce just a few here for you now and I'll share some more later.

Seva Nam Kaur (Beth), Hari Sangat Kaur (Jeanne), and Roni Thompson are all graduates who live in the Seattle area and are already teaching at Sunrise Studios in Kent, Washington. Beth has a great series going on right now called Truing the Wheels Within You. It is all about the chakras. Check it out if you are in Seattle.

Seva Nam Kaur

Hari Sangat Kaur

Madison Waters, the awesome girl who shared her story on missionary anxiety on my blog a while ago, also just graduated from my mentorship and she will be teaching a cool series on Kundalini Yoga and Mental Health. She is also a Photographer and blogs here. She is also getting married soon so congratulations to her. It's a kundalini love story.  Here is a pic I took of her at my drum circle. Maybe one day she'll send me a yogi photo of her to replace this. Please. If you want for info on her class hit her up through one of her links.


Danica Rugg is an amazing teacher and she has an upcoming series on the Breath of Life that may be online. I have no link for her yet, but if you know her, hit her up for class info. 


I have also mentored amazing teachers in Idaho, Colorado, Wyoming, Arizona, Michigan, Japan, England, St Louis, Hawaii and beyond. I will write more about them soon and link to their stuff as they send it to me.

If you are interested in learning more about upcoming mentorships, you can email me for more information. I do not publicly advertise these trainings.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Church of The Firstborn - The Ultimate Love Lesson

I will skip the rest of my Love Lessons journey and get to the most important stuff.  It feels like I need to say less nowadays and those who are ready will get it.

What I learned from my Love lessons is that Love is the beginning and the end. It is everything. If we are not Love then we are not fully alive. Love is not an emotion or sentiment. It is not something you do. It is something you are. The purpose of all religion and spirituality is to lead one to fully embody that identity. Religion and ordinances and yoga and mediation and healing... they are only steps, and everyone's path has different steps. Though I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and draw a lot of other truth into my circle from many other places, none of that matters so much if it doesn't bring me to be Love.

The truth is that there is a higher organization that is not governed by worldly structure. It is called the Church of the Firstborn. Jesus taught me about it.

The Church of the First born is a gathering of the uniquely righteous from among "every nation kindred tongue and people"

John Pontius wrote: "It may be important to note that the Church of the Firstborn is not an earthly organization. It does not own buildings or land and hold conference every six months. This is a sacred society whose highest officer is Jesus Christ and whose members are those who have been ushered into his presence and there received the endowment of Zion and thus membership in this august body."

In the early days of the Christian church there is evidence that there may have been both a general body of members and another, special body known to Paul as he wrote to them in his letter to the Hebrews  "To the general assembly and church of the firstborn..."(12:23)

According to the Doctrine and Covenants, the Church of the Firstborn enjoy the privilege of receiving the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, to have the heavens opened to them.. and to commune with other member of the church of the Firstborn and to commune with God him/her self and with Christ. (D&C 107:19)

The Doctrine and Covenants mentions the Church of the Firstborn at least 10 times. It is something to consider and study. My understanding of it, from my experience, is that it is made of people who have learned to be Love. It is made up of saints who dwell in his presence. Who dwell continually in Love. It is made of up of yogis, saddhus, saints of every age and religion and race and tongue. Some living, some passed on and some in between living in some translated state.

Some Mormons think that only they can be members of the Church of the First born, and might ask what about the essential ordinances? And I ask in return, what about them? If they are essential then the members of this body have them. Remember that time is not a linear thing. To God, who exists in the eternal Now, all is as it should be. Just as Christ's Atonement was retro active and future active, so are any and all essentials. It is way more important to figure out Love than worry about who is going to be at the party with you. Just be Love. I can't tell you how to do it because it is not a doing thing. But I do believe it is a fruit of some things I have been doing, which have aided me in shedding all other identities and allowed me to be only the true identity.

Does this church have meetings? Yes. They do. And members may attend them without even knowing they have. But they are most love filled gatherings in the pluriverse and the love that radiates from these gatherings spreads so far and wide and is so strong these days that whole worlds benefit.  If you are curious about this, I invite you to join me. Ask and trust and let God lead you to Himself/Herself, which is the True You.

Many blessings. Sat Nam.

Love Lessons Part 6 - The Sea Turtle

I went to Hawaii in April and spent time on two islands. The island of Kawaii is very special. This is where I learned about Aloha. In Hawaii they use Aloha for hello, goodbye, and love. But Aloha is actually an inocation of the divine. So of course it is love. And Mahalo (traditionally thought of as the word for "thank you" is actually a blessing of the divine.

As you step off the plane in Kawaii you feel the aloha. Not all beaches or tropical islands in the world have the same energy. Some have very dark energy. Kawaii is peaceful and light and abundant and wild. I was there for a Level 2 Yoga course, which was challenging and which taught me a few things but the most important thing I learned in Kawaii happened in the ocean.

I was snorkeling on my day off and saw a sea turtle gliding along under the water. I matched her pace and swam up and down in undulating patterns. She poked her head up and I poked mine up. It was surreal to be with her. I had explored the whole reef and seen amazing colorful extraveganzas of fish, but nothing compared to her. We were in shallow water and there were no other fish or visible plant life. Hawaiian waters are so clear because they are basically a desert. There are very few micro-organizms to cloud the water.

I drifted with the current and watched her. Suddenly there were three turtles. Playing. They had no fear of me. It was like I didn't exist. They flew gracefully through the water with their lets like wings. There is a rule that you aren't supposed to touch them, so I didn't swim toward them I just floated. But the current began to draw me near to one... the one I had been following. She turned and looked at me and we made eye contact and she gave me a transmission mind-to-mind.

Not "the" turtle but another one. Mine was twice this size.

I knew it had happened but I couldn't say what it was she transferred to me with out words. but I had it. And later I would unpack it, slowly. Since then I have learned that it is about not needing words. It is about communicating and healing through your presence.

This is the essence of Sat Nam Rasayan. It is the heart of Christ consciousness.  Sat Nam Rasayan is the healing technology that Yogi Bhajan gave the world and Guru Dev Singh helped put into words and teach it. It was originally taught in silence. Transferred from master to student. Sat Nam Rasayan is not Kundalini Yoga. It comes out of the fruits of Kundalini Yoga though. It is about healing through your awareness and your presence. Sat Nam Rasayan means healing in the name. Which I believe is the essence of what Jesus Christ did. He did everything in his Father's name. Which is the name of Love. Which is all of our true identity.

True Divine Love heals without any techniques. When a person becomes the Love that they truly are, their true identity, people are healed just by being with them.

I know a few people like this. Not enough. Thankfully, I know the sea turtle, and she is there inside me every time I need an anchor to this peaceful, playful, Love Force.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Love Lessons Part 5 - Desires and Desireless

Amarjot and I looked forward to Sat Nam Fest so much. This year we planned to go for the whole event and the first two days proved to be as amazing as I hoped. Full of bliss and "super-concsious ecstasy." Then on the third day God put a teacher in front of me that I did not expect. She is not the kind of person I'd normally be drawn to as a teacher, but He told me that she was a teacher for me and that I should book a private Sat Nam Rasayan session with her.

So I did. When I went in to see her she asked if I wanted to work on anything specific. I thought no life is pretty good, but if you could help me release anything standing in my way of feeling superconscious ecstasy all the time, that would be great. She told me I would get bored of it. I would then be looking for the next thing.

I was totally offended. Guh! No I would Not!

She totally burst my bubble of bliss as I realized that I had fallen into the trap of getting attached to non-attachment. Attached to the bliss. And life is not always superconscious ecstasy but it can still be a life of Love. So I was a bit moody for a day and in a daze as I processed the fact that I was still getting caught in addictive patterns. Luckily, the work we did and that I was doing at Sat Nam Fest helped me clear it super fast. I realized how fast energy is moving through me now when I woke up in the night in my tent with a migraine and then thought, "oh well."

I woke up an hour later and it was gone. I woke up an hour later with another migraine and then in the morning it was gone again. I don't know what went through me but I was changed fast.

It's hard to describe how I felt after that other than just a little more stable, grounded.

We came home from Sat Nam Fest and had a few days to prepare for Hawaii. I spent those days thinking about God is Love. If God is Love then Love has all the attributes of God. One of my favorite mantras names eight different attributes of God. So I went through them one by one.

Gobinday (sustainer) - real Love sustains
Mukunday (liberator) -real Love liberates one from bondange. I believe I wrote about that here.
Udaray (enlightener) real Love enlightens--because God is Love and He enlightens.
Aparay (infinite) - Love is infinite. Real Love that is God is of course never ending and infinite
Hariang (Destroyer) - Love destroys illusions and sorrow. Real Love does. The false kind of love creates more illusions
Cariang (Creator) - Should need no explanation
Nirname (Nameless) - God has so many names and yet is nameless and has names that no man knows. It is the same with Love. So many names/faces and yet to truly know Love there is no name for what is found in the experience.
Akamay (Desireless) - no earthly desire. This was the Aha for me.

I was thinking about romantic love and how this had always been my problem. I wanted a lover For example, one X tall, Y shape, and with XYZ religious affiliation and liked to do ABC in his spare time. Some things on my list were flexible and some things I was really fixed on.  I realized that in several of my past relationships I had gotten everything on my "list," but they didn't make me happy, and several of the things that I "got" suddenly changed and I no longer had them. Such as a man who was mentally healthy--that changed quickly. Physical health can change quickly. Also, membership or activity in the church can change quickly.  So what does a person do then, when they are suddenly married to a person, or in some sort of partnership with a person who is no longer what they had signed up for? I realized that true Love is not about wanting someone to be any certain way or a certain thing. It is about loving them for who they are and where they are at the moment. Most people just want to feel accepted and loved for who they are. That's why we have all the problems we have in the world. People are just mad that they don't or didn't feel loved unconditionally. Most relationships I see are strained because of wanting the other party to be different.

I realized that if my only desire was for God, then it wouldn't matter what my partner said or did or was, because I would know with absolute certainty that I was loved and accepted. And when I can radiate that same love and acceptance for others, life is a lot more joyful. There is no struggle. No tension.

I realized that any time I feel tension in any relationship it is because I have got attached to wanting the other person to be a certain way or to think the way I do. The trouble with a point of view is that it already creates a separateness. If you become very fixed in your ideas and beliefs, then you have to defend them, and it creates need-to-be-right syndrome. This creates a lot of tension in relationships and in the body. Why does one need to be right? Why not just be with God and ask God to show you himself in the other person. If we all did this there could be world peace. [It would take the world some daily cleaning of the mind's reactionary patterns and feelings of unworthiness, but it would be worth it, don't you think?]

In fact I just read a scripture this morning that illustrated the sad point of what happens when people get fixed in their beliefs even if they seem to be in the name of love. It was Mosaih 9:1-2. So sad.

I, Zeniff, having been taught in all the language of the Nephites, and having had a knowledge of the land ofNephi, or of the land of our fathers’ first inheritance, and having been sent as a spy among the Lamanites that I might spy out their forces, that our army might come upon them and destroy them—but when I saw that which was good among them I was desirous that they should not be destroyed.
 Therefore, I contended with my brethren in the wilderness, for I would that our ruler should make a treaty with them; but he being an austere and a blood-thirsty man commanded that I should be slain; but I was rescued by the shedding of much blood; for father fought against father, and brother against brother, until the greater number of our army was destroyed in the wilderness; and we returned, those of us that were spared, to the land of Zarahemla, to relate that tale to their wives and their children.

So I idendified some of the most fixed "desires of my heart" and examined them. Even though they seemed like really good desires that I have been taught to want my whole life, I realized that they were the things causing me the most pain, because I had no control over them and they were not actually what mattered most. When I turned my desire completely to God and not any earthy desire, including love relationships, I realized that I had something better. Then amazing things started to open for me and my earthly relationships got way better! I was finally getting this Love thing. Which is a perfect time to go to Hawaii.

Until that episode, please share: Have you had an experience where you released wanting people or a specific person to be a certain way. Please share your experience.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Love Lessons Part 5 - At-One-Ment, Superconscious Ecstasy

One night, a few months before my love lessons began, my daughter Amarjot Kaur, guided me on a quick imagery journey. She took me to my special place and there I was under my big tree. Amarjot asked if there was anyone with me. I realized there was a woman. It was Heavenly Mother. 

 Amarjot asked if there was anything I wanted to ask Heavenly Mother. I was so overwhelmed with love/peace/happiness/awe at being with her again that I had forgotten that one could do this in journeys. I paused trying to remember any question that still seemed relevant. Finally Heavenly Mother said, "why don't you ask me what question you should ask me?"

So I did. 

She told me to ask her how she became Mother in Heaven. 

So I did. 

Her answer: "I learned how to Love." 

That was the whole extent of the journey, but it left me pondering for a long time after and left Amarjot baffled, because she thought that she knew all about love and therefore why wasn't she HM? This was months before my Love Lessons began and so when they did, Amarjot had a special interest in everything I was learning.

So one morning I was revisiting some of the cliff notes of what I have learned so far: 

  • God is Love. And therefore Love is a power. Therefore, the Piscean attempt to convolute and dilute and confuse it. 
  • God=LoveGod=The Word. The Word=Love.
  • The Word= Sound Current. Therefore: Listening is important to Loving.

I asked Amarjot what she thought about all this. 

She said, "If God is Love, then in order to understand love you have to become God."

Of course! This was very deep for an 8-year old but not so deep if you know her. So I began to ponder At-one-ment. Dwell in God=Dwell in love.

How did she get so deep? She came that way. 

Next I realized 

  • Man was made by God=man was made by Love. All the earth was made by Love.
  • The Atonement or At-one-ment was the greatest act of Love ever accomplished.

These scriptures suddenly seem very deep:
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.  And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

In seemingly simple terms, Jesus outlines the whole science of yoga—the way of divine union through meditation.  Jesus was the ultimate example of this. He loved his father with his whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. 

love Jesus.

Jesus taught people to “pray without ceasing.” Can you imagine? I can now. When you love God so much that you just can't stop praying and praising his name. Yogananda called this a superconscious ecstasy.  It's better than the most satisfying sleep or dreaming. He says “ten million sleeps cannot describe the joy of this ecstasy.” This is how I felt the other night when I woke and the angels were working on me. This is worth anything it takes to experience.

Yoganada says:  “It is through the portal of man’s love for God that God enters into oneness with him, a union that liberates him from the bondage of delusion.”

How true! I feel like I have been liberated from the illusion layers at a time, but this is the ultimate liberation, through Love. 

Amarjot and I at Sat Nam Fest West 2015.

More to come about my fast track education in Love. Till then,  Sat Nam. 

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Love Lessons Part 4 - The Heartbeat of God

I stood in a meadow looking at the vast sky, where a giant eagle was making his way toward me. He had a note in his talons. He dropped it into my hands and then landed, waited for me to read it.

The note told me where we were going today.  It was not a walking journey, so we both extended our eagle wings and flew. We flew beyond the sky and around the moon.

On the back side of the moon, I was surprised to find the city of Enoch. The eagle knew which house we were going to. It was the home of a woman named Mary. When I saw her brown hair and oval face I knew I knew her before. And she knows my Sarah. They are good friends. She also knows Mary Magdeline--is named after her.

She put her head on my chest and began listening to my heartbeat. She left her head there for a long time. So long in fact that I began to wonder if time had stopped. If I had gotten stuck in a journey that would go no further. I turned to the eagle and asked what to do next. He said, just be in this moment. Let her listen to your heart beat. It will last as long as it needs to. It's not always important to be moving to the next thing.

So she listened and I held still and I learned from her that if God is Love and God and the Word are inseparable, then Listening is important. Because what is the power of God, Love, or the Word if there is no ear to listen.

She let me know all this just by putting her ear to my chest. I also learned from her that I am not hopeless or unlearned about Love. But that this is what I came here to do. That I was destined to be a great Lover. A high loving soul.

She said to take time every day to listen to my own heartbeat. And to listen as I chant mantras, as I speak, as I think. Listen as I write. Listen.

I thought then of Jesus Christ at the Last Supper. John tells us that "The disciple Jesus loved was reclining next to Jesus ... He leaned back on Jesus' breast." (John 13:23,25) Most people think John is referring to himself when he talks about the disciple Jesus loved, but Hugh Nibley makes a great case for it actually being Mary Magdeline, even though the text refers the disciple as a he. Either way, it is precious to think about and put one's ear to the heart of God.

Then every citizen in the city of Enoch came and kissed me, to show their support of me. It happened in just several moments, like a flash of wings.

Then the eagle departed and Mary Magdeline and Sarah both came and brought me to a healing pool, dipped me in it, and made me promise to freewrite every day and get to know Love more through writing and listening.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Love Lessons Part 3

A few days after my initiation into the Love Lessons I woke up in the middle of the night feeling the most intense joy I have felt in my life. More joyful even than having a baby, if you like that sort of thing. It was even more Real that that. So much Joy and Love that it could have no opposite. I felt like I was bathing in something. I could almost not suck in the air it was so rich. Angels were in the room, but I have felt angels in the room many times and nothing like this. In this Love there was no fear of lack or of separation from that Love. I wasn't worried it would end and so I fell blissfully asleep again soon after. I think whatever I was swimming in must have reverse aged me 10 years. In the morning I was sort drunk on it and my total YES to all of creation, and I realized that Love is everywhere. It is not something one has to look for or try to create. It is in the breeze. It is in the air we breathe. If you have read the  Prana chapter of my book you know that prana, which comes in with the air is the same thing as the Light of Christ. And since He was Love... 

The following journal entry was written probably shortly after the middle of the night intoxication.
This entry is not about leg hair. It's about Love. But at the time, I was having a journey with leg hair, so it may figure prominently in this entry.

"What can I write about Love except that I do know of it. I do know the way it feels to have the breeze blow through my leg hair. Dear breeze that came all the way from across the world and over the ocean cooling, surfing, making waves and rustling leaves and feathers, and then coming to lift the hairs on my legs. To ruffle them, caress them. That sounds sexual. But it was a deeply sensual experience the first time I felt the breeze blow through these newly grown hairs.  
I am so deeply in love with the breeze for being exactly as it was. For suprising me, for knocking me into the realm of the magical. If everyone could feel this they would stop shaving too. Part of me was missing and now it has regenerated and can wave at the poppies like my arm hairs do. Oh arm hair, I stopped noticing you ages ago, but I would notice if you were gone. 
Thank you breeze.  Thank you universe for breaking my razors after New Years. The armpits were easy. I liked them right away. I pet them like little bunnies. They were soft and powdery. Sensual and special. They seem to be a flag, waving. How wonderful it must be to be a flag, waving. Like loose fitting clothing on a breezy day. At one with my clothing it feels good. Almost as good as the breeze in my hair. 
It was my little secret for a long time. I fully intended to end the experiment with a deeply satisfying shave. A mow. Bulldozing. Deforestation. And then. Unexpectedly. I found a part of me that had been missing. Cliche I know. But true. I found myself endorsing what had once repulsed me. All great conversion stories go this way.  
I suppose, Breeze, that you have been a good missionary for other causes too. Ambassador. Persuasive, is perhaps a good word to describe you Breeze.  The leaves, the fall grasses, bend their ears to you, lean in the direction you persuade them."

Alisa  catching her scarf in the breeze. North Shore Oahu

Monday, July 27, 2015

Love Lessons Part 2

I have been trying to decide how to share some of this stuff. I have decided for part 2 to post some edited entries from my journal: 

"What did Sarah teach me about Love at White Tantric Yoga? Well it was very experiential, but she taught me to feel, and to be a witness. Looking at Tess next to me, struggling to do the 62 minute meditation, watching the pain in her eyes. Feeling it and knowing that I can't take it on. I mustn't struggle because she is. Love is not that. Love lifts.
The examples of real Love are those memories that exist as images as Joan Didion explains them "with a shimmer around the edges, about to disintegrate." These are the images I don't always understand but which wont go away. The image of my uncle, crying into his mustache, giving by dying mother his most loved possession, a ripped up jean jacket, to show his devotion to her. The images of my new born child's fuzzy elfin ears. A rusty hammer on a workroom bench, sawdust all around.
I feel cheated that I didn't learn about Love right from the beginning. I had pain and love co-mingled. Until God wiped the slate clean. But nothing is lost. The slate is still there, and the slate was meant to write on. And about writing... it is somehow tied in with Love.
If the Word was with God and God is Love, then technically the Word and Love are inseparable. What does this mean for me? It think it means I must always write if I want to dwell in Love. Just like I must meditate every day if I want to dwell in Love. The Word and words are my everything.

In some languages, Poet and Prophet mean the same thing. Last year God told me that I was a poet even before I came here. That this is a high calling.

At the time of these Love lessons I was also teaching a writing class that incorporated imagery journeys to help the students with their creativity and other things that come up for them when digging deep. It was awesome, and I would sometimes take the journeys myself. Here is an account of one of my journeys that I wrote down around the same time of the last entry.

"A woman who looked like Galadriel was my guide....We swam to the bottom of the Lake and then broke the frozen bottom and swam deeper to a cave and opened a door. She said if you want to do the best writing, you have to go deeper. She pulled out a box of rubies from the cave. Said they needed to be brought into the light. I only wanted to bring one or two, thinking I would leave the others there safe. She said I needed to take them all. They will replenish themselves if I take them all. Swimming, we pushed it to the surface. We bobbed up and took it to shore. Then Sarah came with some others and they all started admiring and then wearing the gems. Then we all lay down in the sun to dry and the jewels just sparkled on us.
Then C.S. Lewis showed up and some others. They said the key to the best writing is opening up to Love. People who know how to love--that high vibration comes through their writing, even when they are writing about low-vibrating things. Like C.S. Lewis wrote about Hell (The Great Divorce) and about devils (The Screwtape Letters) but they are such high vibrating books. Then all the people who were there touched my heart and gave me their love. I asked if they would come when called as creative inner guides and they all said yes. 
I feel like I have just been handed my life."

Thursday, July 23, 2015

40 Days of Love Lessons - Part 1

I have been keeping this close to my chest. This journey was just for me...and I was grateful for that. I am actually a very private person and there is a lot I don't share. But now God/Soul says it is time to share. The hesitancy I have with sharing my Love Lessons is that Love is such a loaded word and it can be nearly impossible to talk about it without it being convoluted by everyone's own contorted filter. But I have promised to do my best. I share this not out of any desire for anything except to help a few people have a more pure experience and understanding of Love.

At the beginning of the year, I was trying to choose my word for the year and when I thought Love, God/Soul said "No, Peace." Peace kept coming up, and so that was my word. For months I thought about and was intentional about Peace.

Peace, I learned, is a pre-requisite for Love. One cannot truly Love, whatever you think it means, without first being at Peace within. Ironically, my journey toward Peace led me through some flaming fires, mostly internal fires, specifically on my 25-day fast, which had the sole, simple intention of Peace. That fast had some unexpected results. Peace being a much larger thing that I had thought at first. If you haven't read about it that you might just have to as a pre-requesite to these posts. But it's up to you. Look up the fasting posts. I'm to lazy to link right now.

Basically at the end of it, I was told that all of my generational healing and chain breaking was done.

What I didn't write about at that time was what happened next. It was during the first meditation of the day at White Tantric Yoga in Los Angeles. March 31. My unborn daughter (who I have known for about 6 years now and whom we will call Sarah), appeared in front of me and told me "Now that all the generational healing is done, it's time to learn about Love--because everything you have ever learned or thought about Love is convoluted or wrong." She reminded me that there are many voices out there saying "Love is...." but that in this, as with all things, I needed to use the Spirit and my discernment. Is this true? Is this Truth? One thing I realized is that for most of my life, pity had been mixed up with Love. Explains a few of my relationships...

She then gave me a transmission..... which is not something I can describe in words, but she put into my body a seed of Love so pure and profound that I couldn't mistake that something was being beamed into me.

There was another Angel with her, who I recognized as Mary Magdeline. I realized that both she and Mary Magdeline were very high loving souls. Mary was one of the most Love-filled souls to ever walk on this planet, so it is no wonder she walked it with Jesus, for whom she was a great support and vibrational match.

They told me that for the next 40 days I would receive many angelic visitors and other messengers who would teach me about Love.

This was the beginning of an epic six weeks that has changed everything. This is where my story begins.

I'll try to condense all the goodness and magic and learning that I can share into just a few posts in the next week or two when I can post them. Till then, Peace and Sat Nam.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

What's In A Beard?

I offer this quote without comment. It is from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. If you haven't read it, it's great. It's a fictional book of letters from one devil to another younger apprentice devil about how to best tempt and try his assigned human "patient." The kicker is at the end of the quote. :) 

I haven't yet got a report from you on young women in the neighborhood. I should like it at once, for if we can't use his sexuality to make him unchaste we must try to use it for the promotion of a desirable marriage. In the meantime I should like to give you some hint about the type of woman--I mean the physical type--which he should be encouraged to fall in love with if "falling in love' is the best we can manage.   
In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you an I. It is the busienss of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual "taste." This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses, and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely. Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all females--and there is more in that than you might suppose.
-- C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Chapter XX

If you don't know about the benefits of men covering their moon center (on the chin) you can read some about it here. 

More about hair for men and women.  

Feel free to post about your current or changing experience with beards in the comments. By the way did you know there is a word for people who love or are attracted to beards. Pogonophilia.

Post your favorite beard pics here too if you want, or on FB. Sat Nam.

Where do you find the time?

"A morning or evening practice of meditation and Kundalini Yoga is the only thing I know that generates time. Time is the most common complaint I hear. Where is the time to do something good for myself? Where is the time to meditate? The answer is meditation gives you time back in multiples of what you put in to it. How? We waste a tremendous amount of time by losing our focus on what is really important. Meditation hones that focus. We also make mistakes because our mind drifts and becomes unconscious with daydreams and unintentional thoughts. Meditation clears the subconscious and helps you keep your clarity. It lets you be present to what you are doing. We also lose time because we do not see resources and opportunities that are already present. We narrow our view under stress and pressure. Meditation integrates the broad lens of the mind with the narrow focus of action. So there are many ways that time is saved as you go through your day alert, energized and victorious." - The Mind: It's Projections and Multiple Facets, by Yogi Bhajan PhD

Monday, July 6, 2015

What Are You Committed To?

Did you know that happiness is the object and design of our existence? Okay just a reminder. But how do we get there? Did you know that Yogi Bhajan gave us 7 Steps to Happiness Here they are:

1. Commitment
The first step is commitment. Commit to kindness and compassion. In every life you are meant to commit. That is why the word is commit-meant. Commitment gives you CHARACTER.
2. Character
Character is when all your characteristics—all facets, flaws, and facts—are under your control. Yin and yang meet there, totally balanced. Character is a pattern of behavior where you can clearly answer and stand before your own consciousness. Character gives you DIGNITY.
3. Dignity
Dignity is when you act as a god for another. People start trusting you, liking you, respecting you. Dignity will give you DIVINITY.
4. Divinity
Divinity is when people have no duality about you. They trust you right away. They have no fear about you. Divinity is when you put yourself and your life on the line to serve another person or a creature. Divinity gives you GRACE.
5. Grace
Where there is grace, there is no interference, no gap between two people, no hidden agendas. Grace is when you’ve developed a presence that works. Grace gives you the power to SACRIFICE.
6. Power to Sacrifice
The power to sacrifice is when God sits in your heart and presides in your head. You can stand any pain for another person. That sacrifice takes you to HAPPINESS.
7. Happiness
Happiness is when you can be thankful for the chance of being these seven things.

I love that the first step is commitment. Some people think that they can jump right to sacrifice, but they can't.... It doesn't work that way. Commitment is the bottom line. 

But commitment to just anything won't work. If you are unhappy, investigate your commitment and ask yourself what you are committed to. Some people are very commited to their neurosis. Some people are very committed to their illness or victim status. It's okay to be committed to these things. It's your choice. But it won't make you happy. I think about all the time that people spend on these commitments and I have to tell you a little secret--being on the spiritual path is wonderful and blissful and it takes the exact same amount of energy. No more. No less. But the results sometimes are not as immediate. But same amount of energy. 

My friend Mandi was intolerant to gluten and lots of other things for years and finally she decided she wanted to spend that time and energy on trying to be healed rather than on being gluten intolerant. She asked God how to do it and He told her, and she committed.  And guess what? After a few months of regular fasting and her other prescription from God (a meditation) she heard Him call her name and say "you are healed through my power." 

My friend Khusbir jokes that people are intolerrant of so many foods now becuase it is not PC to be racist or predjudice against people anymore. There may be some truth in that, sadly. I'm not saying these things aren't real. I'm just saying that all healing comes from one source. If you heal yourself through essential oils, or through food, it still came from the one source. If you haven't recieved healing, look to the source first and there may be a surprising answer. It may take time, but it's a do-able good journey with God as your guide. 

I had a friend whose mother was in a car accident and couldn't work for a while and was on disability. She wasn't really that injured, but it was a chance to collect disability and sort things out. But instead of getting clear, she spent the time and money and energy on a small claims law suit against the other driver. It was seriously all she talked about and complained about and it was months and months over less than $2000 dollars. When she finally dropped the energy of it she was able to make 10 times that in the same time period. It takes time to recognize our patterns, because we have to be strong enough to handle the truth. And then it can take time to change them. But The Great Do-er is loving and giving and patient. 

I invite you to commit right now to changing the patterns. To healing, kindness, and compassion.