Earlier today my ear folds were full of tears as I lay sprawled out on the floor sobbing. For four days now I have been undergoing the most amazing healing I have ever experienced in my life. Four is an interesting number. It is the heart center. The chakra that is the balance point between earth and heaven. It is Christ's number.
A long time ago I wrote several posts about my anger journey. Last week, after certain events gave me cause to pray about them, I became awake to the fact that all anger is a lie. It feels real, but it's just something we create (subconsciously) to justify our wrong actions towards others. True, others do wrong us, but even then, anger is a lie. Some people kill loads of innocent people. But they are still a child of God. And if I go to anger, it is because I am not seeing them as a child of God, and deep in my heart I know that's not right. So I create an emotion that feels real and give me justification. The more of a monster we think someone is, the more we can justify treating them poorly.
That was hard truth. But is set me free. Free of anger in an instant. All I did was admit the truth. When you eliminate the cause, the dis-ease is gone!
This truthful inventory led to some hell-freezing over apologies to people who were not expecting them. And it led to healing. But I was terrified it wouldn't last. So I began praying for the ability to see things as they really are, for deeper healing, and to know how to pray for certain loved ones. The answers have been gushing.
On Monday I started a 12-day healing process that God has been guiding me through day by day. I don't want to write about it yet, but I am being constrained to. Basically, the cause of all of our pain and problems is that we all have images and beliefs in our unconscious and cellular memory that are often not even ours. This energy comes in with us from generations back. And God is showing me how to pray and meditate to have the most effective opening and healing of these images and unhealthy beliefs. It involves meditating and sending light and the love of God into my body. Every cell in my body is responding.
Last night was the best night of my life because I found that my struggles with ego and pride have all to do with an underlying belief of being unlovable and flawed. And in a day of meditation and filling myself with light and God's love, I felt all these beliefs healed. It is not like a spiritual high or a meditation high or even like I am making progress. It feels more like I am coming home to my true self.
And because I am one with my spouse, I also pray that the effectiveness of the healing be applied to him as wellr. This has been wild. When I tune into to do this work, I can feel all these images and pictures come from both my ancestors and his. They are the early memories of all this garbage we have been carrying around.
The thing about energy healing, including Kundalini Yoga and Meditation is that it doesn't just heal you, it will heal 7 generations of ancestors and 7 generations of your posterity. I didn't used to understand this, but then I realized that Christ's atonement works the same way. It was retroactive and future active. And we are all connected via energetic links, especially to our ancestors and to our spouses.
My body is responding so powerfully to this healing that I sometimes have to sleep for two hours just to process from physical exhaustion after just 15 minutes of healing. Today was heavy with all the heartache of my mother, her mother, my dad's mother and Rocky's mother and other ancestors. Hence, the earful of tears, but slowly, God stripped it out of my cells. I have never felt anything quite so intense in my life. It was like I went with Christ down to the depths. In it, I didn't want to be doing it. I wished my mother had taken care of this. But she didn't and so I am. Most people don't know one of the obscure definitions of succor means: to go beneath. In this case, beneath layers of subconscious garbage.
After the first day, Phoebe strarted acting differently. She started serving me. Telling me she'd do anything for me. Today she told me that she feels like God is cleaning all the bad stuff out of her heart.
And tonight God led me to this scripture:
"And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places; thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generation; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in." Isaiah 58:12
I have said that this year is a rebirthing year, and I have felt that way the whole year. It has been wonderful, but now I am in pushing stages. Yikes!
God keeps showing me that it is worth it.