Thursday, November 29, 2018

Happy New Year To Me

This time of year is always a kind of rebirth for me so I figured it would be good to look back on the last year.

Here is what I have been up to and learning and doing this year.

I got married as you know. I am very happy. I realize I have had a relationship addiction for most of my life (it's sometimes called co-dependency) and I have managed that addiction and the pain of it for the last decade mostly by not dating. But it didn't really work. I still have a daughter and friends and you can become co-dependent with anyone. So I have dealt with it through yoga and meditation and lot of other healing and just in the last year it's like I broke through to a whole new level of being. Being married now is a different experience than it was the last two times (both a long time ago--before I was really deep into my practice).

I think I got into a long-distance marriage because I thought it would make this easier for me to not have co-dependent issues come up. It is easier. FOR SURE. Not having him around all the time lets me have time to process, re-ground, find my center, and not get too attached to what he is doing or how he is doing it.

Our Portugal trip was great because I had a chance to see how I did being with him that many days in a row. I did pretty good at speaking up for what I needed, being loving, but not taking responsibility for his wellness or happiness and not getting too controlling or involved in his addictions. (We all have them) For the most part it was the best trip ever. A few breakdowns which let to breakthroughs. It's wonderful having a partner who does sadhana with me every day. It moves so much energy so quickly.

It was hot in September in Protugal. Beach then palace day.

Me at Pena Palace in Sintra, Portugal

Kayaking through caves and grottos in Lagos, Portugal

We got an unexpected night in Paris

At the beach at sunset

Visiting a moorish castle. 

Some people might not like this idea, but for us, it has created so much healing: We think of our marriage as a two-year renewable contract. Because the thought of forever makes us both feel trapped and want to sabotage. And sabotage now. Immediately. So we both agreed to review in 2 years and either re-up, or celebrate and move on. In a weird way it makes me feel so much more stable and able to appreciate him.

This year I have also been guided to a whole new level of prosperity learnings this year. It's a amazing how many people are not cool with money. I used to be not cool with money. Having it. Not having it. There was no peace for a lot of years. I've stabilized that energy and created some deep healing for myself and other. My money healing was very tied in with Men and Marriage for me. The three M's. So as I healed my money I also healed my issues with men and marriage-- not surprising that I got married in the process. Ok, it was surprising! In a great way.

So yeah. I am excited to create Zion where we all live in peace and there are no poor among us and we have no need for money as we know it-- but along the way I am helping people be ok and cool with money. I am helping them heal their trauma from childhood and their worry and their anxiety and build prosperous businesses using spiritual principles of compression of time and effort. I'm helping them see that Jesus wants them to work smarter not harder and prosper and help others. I have been focusing on a select group of people (yogis and self-care professionals) and helping them increase their income so they can do good things with it. I spent all summer creating a program for those people. I wish it was for everyone. But alas, for now, it's not. And it's an invite only program, so you can't find it on my site. My jaw is dropping at the the results people are already getting. Wahe Guru! Transformation is powerful and available if you are willing to put in the energy.

One other thing I have been doing all year is writing a lot. I am in grad school! Because I can! and I wanted to! I'm getting a masters in creative writing.  Poetry is my emphasis but I'm also working on a middle-grade fantasy novel. And let me tell you, writing is fun. But it can also be the most challenging thing in the world to give yourself the time and space to be creative. The resistance this year has been huge. But I will keep up!  Here is a fun poem I wrote that is not too cheesy about my husband. Enjoy this window into my my love.

Sonnet #Fred

Here I’ll write a sonnet for my lover Fred
whose is a great poetic name because
So many words rhyme it, like bed, or wed
See, now I spent already two great ones.
But I’ll keep at it. Fred deserves a sonnet,
And more—there ought to be a postage stamp
Of Fred, though he would never want it.
All he wants are my small hands on his back,
Vast continent with the phoenix tattoo
Open-winged, resurrecting, and on fire.
Fred’s the thing I wish that younger me knew.
My burned hands only just re-inspired,
Open secret doors behind shrug and run. 
Here, look! Sudden sense of perfect freedom.

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