Sunday, November 20, 2011

Project True Love Diaries Part 3

Read parts 1 & 2 if missed 'em.

Last night I wrote a blog post with some details about Date # 2-6, with pictures and everything. And then this morning I didn't feel right about publishing it. I'm still not sure why. I think because it is not what I was supposed to share. I have been learning a lot lately about letting the Spirit guide my conversations and that when I am trying to say something and it's not coming out right or I forgot what I was saying, maybe that is a sign that I'm not supposed to share that, and I should go with what's coming. I have always noticed these dynamics in conversations, but thinking about it as the Spirit guiding the conversation never occurred to me till my friend Christi mentioned it. I guess blogging is also a sort of conversation.

So I am wondering what I am supposed to say about PTL, and I think it is just to share some of the spiritual insights I have learned. It has been a whirlwind of learnings. The first thing I learned is that there are plenty of good men. I knew this, but I relearned it again. Meeting them makes it less of a platitude. I learned to give everyone a chance and enjoy myself even if the man didn't seem like he was for me. Because it's just a first date, and as Tamara says, "he may have friends." 

I also started to observe myself and my thoughts on and after these dates, and I realized that I was telling myself a few stories that weren't true and that were limiting me. For example, one story I was telling myself was that certain kinds of men didn't see my value. But I realized that all men see my value, of every faith, ethnicity, profession, etc. Figuring out why I told myself these fictions was a real exposure for me. Because you can't change something if you don't know it's a problem.

I realized that I was putting walls up around having what I wanted most. Why would I do this? I hated to admit that it was fear. Fear of having what I want. Fear that I wouldn't get what I wanted so don't try anyway--that kind of thing. Once this all became conscious I saw the silliness of the logic. But of course, I was operating from a place that doesn't use logic. It was a conditioned response. So I used some of my hypnotherapy tools to reprogram my mind to allow myself to be happy. What an amazing concept--to say YES! to the things you want in your life. I love it.

As soon as I did this, the very next date I had an experience that changed me forever. I'm not saying he's true love, although it was a magical date. I learned that God is aware of me and who I am and what I need in a partner. Though I had enjoyed all my dates up to then, what I reflected on after this date was that he was the first person I had gone out with in the last few years that I didn't feel that I needed to teach him anything to help him understand me. I don't mean that to sound egotistical. I just have a difficult time sometimes because being LDS and a hypnotherapist often means that whatever crowd I am in, people don't totally understand me. If I am with other hypno-dorks, they aren't usually LDS (though most are v spiritual), and if I am with LDS people, many don't understand the power of the mind to transform our lives (or to limit them) and I often have to teach people something. I'm okay with it. It just gets tiring sometimes. But I didn't feel like I needed to explain any of that to this date, because he had a first hand and deep experience with the Atonement and transformation. We talked for hours about all kinds of subjects under the full moon and I felt deeply glad for everything.

After the date I observed my mind being excited when I thought of him and wanting him to call me, but I also felt deeply that if he didn't it would be okay. I felt full of hope about the future because I know if God can make that out of a person, he can do anything. Since then, I have been on more awesome first dates and a few second dates. I continue to learn things. But that is all I want to share for now.


  1. You have my deepest admiration for your dedication to the blogsphere. You write as if thousands and millions of people are reading. I haven't looked at your numbers, but i love the voice that you write with. You write as though you already know that people want to hear from you. I love that. That is all. You don't have to approve this, i just wanted to let you know.