Tuesday, May 8, 2012

An Anger Journey

A few weeks ago I swan dived into anger. I did it intentionally, bravely. I balanced on the precipice of the denial cliff and consciously jumped into the water. 

But let me begin earlier.

That Family Emergency I posted about in April was, without going into details, a mother's second-worst nightmare--and I was angry, but kind of in denial. Finally, one of my teachers kindly called me on my anger. I wanted to deny it then, but there is no denying true words fitly spoken.

She's right. I am freaking ANGRY!


At first, I just wanted to get rid of it. I was angry that I was angry. Sometimes I can get a little self-righteous about all the work I have done on myself and think, I've let go of all those primitive emotions...I just don't have anger anymore. It's just so not me. So at first anger at being angry was all I could feel about it.

I did a yoga set to release inner anger. I did a forgiveness (of self) meditation. I did a healing circle meditation and let myself be in the center to receive healing. The next day I did a forgiveness (of others) meditation.

I felt great, but yet, I knew that this was not going to be a quick fix, and so I spent the next several weeks on a conscious anger journey. I was unsure where it would lead, but I knew I had spiritual guides as I explored these questions:

Why is it not okay to be angry? Or is it?
Is the opposite of anger really compassion? And is/should that really be the goal?
What am I really angry about?
If anger is usually a secondary emotion, what's underneath my anger?
What does anger do for me? For others?

For the next several blog posts (I plan to post every day this week) I will be exploring these questions in depth and hopefully showing you how anger can change everything in good ways, if we understand how to use it.







4 comments:

  1. I love these questions. I look forward to learning from your insights.

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  2. my worst nightmade is for my girls to die before they have lived (what I think they should live), my second worse nightmade is child molestation. is this in line with yours?

    Regardless, I'm sorry to hear about your family emergency! :(

    I'm excited to hear about your anger journey, though! I've had SUCH difficulties with anger in my life and continue to struggle with it just when I thought it was "cured". HA! Please post in FB to share when you write! :)

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  3. Tori, Yeah sexual abuse would be my first-worst. I'd hate to have her die, but I have kind of already released attachment to that timing to God. That's not to say if it happened I wouldn't go through an anger stage....But I'm realizing that it's not really about my nightmare so much as what I'm doing to change it. Which I hope to share coherently this week. Thanks for your love and support and faithful reading. xo

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  4. Anger is a big thing and I think most of us don't know what to do with it. So I am excited to see what you say!

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