Breaking In Positive Change

 

I was feeling a little bit of anxiety that first day of the Virtual Book Tour, and I thought it was about the book, but I realized it was really about the brave thing I did a few days before. So for the past week I have been breathing through these feelings. I realized that the undercurrent of anxiety I was feeling was not about the actual thing I let go of, but about being free from a long held negative pattern.

It's hard to admit that this positive change was creating anxiety, but this is how the mind works and I was getting a real taste of it. It's uncomfortable to let go of old knowns even if they are negative, the mind sees knowns as pleasure and unknowns as pain! And here I was feeling the pain of positive change.

I wanted the discomfort gone, of course, as soon as as possible. But my lessons these last few months have been about sitting with things and allowing myself to feel them. As my dear mentor told me, any time you put on something new, whether it is a pair of jeans or a baseball mitt, it's stiff at first. But over time, it begins to conform to your body--rather than you conforming to it--and pretty soon it is the most comfortable thing you want to put on.

Thinking of my favorite jeans or a baseball mitt feels good to me. I can sit with that. I have had a few more days of discomfort and may have more, but I see now how life is begging to conform to me now, rather than me conforming and reacting to an old story. It is starting to feel more comfortable. 

I wish I could give more concrete details. Maybe one day I will, but for now I'm feeling private.

Have you ever made a positive change and experienced discomfort afterwards?