Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Sell All That Thou Hast

There is a reason that moving is on the top ten most stressful life events list. The past few weeks have given me many opportunities to use my tools and praise God.

I have lived in my current home for a decade. That is longer than I have lived anywhere. There was a reason for that. I moved about 15 times in college, so once I got settled I wanted to stay settled. And once I had Phoebe, I wanted to keep her life stable.

Though I have known that God would be taking me to Ojai for a while now, I only gave my 30 day notice a few weeks ago, and since then I have had some expansions and contractions. Part of the stress was not knowing where we would go. I hadn't found the right house and I was looking daily for a month. I didn't know how to pack because I didn't know if we were going to be down sizing, upsizing or just resizing. I thought we would rent, then I thought we might buy, then I had a minor melt down and just told God to handle it, which if I had really been using my tools, I would have done sooner and I'm sure the result would have been the same but with less work. I'm not opposed to work, but an hour of worry is equivalent to an 8 hour work day. So, I did a lot of work this month.

I realized that I was also grieving several different things: the life I thought I would have, and the life I have had here. When I saw years of height marks on Phoebe's closet door I burst into tears. She has lived her entire life here and was (almost) born here.

A week ago I had a dream that I had a baby and I couldn't remember the birth, so I was going around trying to learn more about it from people who were there. When I woke up I realized that if I had not miscarried in December, I would be having a baby around the same time I am moving. Timing is interesting.

So instead of getting a baby, I will get a new life. But there is still lots of expanding and contracting--or should I call them pressure waves--on the way to getting it. 

Finally, God found us a temporary Eden to live in. Ironically, it is the place I always knew we'd live, at least for a short time. I resisted it at first because it is small and it would only be temporary and I didn't want to "move twice" or put stuff in storage, but I now realize that it is perfect for us. It is on several acres of orange groves with beautiful views of the valley, and it has a pool. Ojai tends to have Indian summers that last well into October, so a pool is sort of awesome. It is also furnished. So I have been going round and round about what to bring and what to store, when it just occured to me today that I don't really need any of my stuff and how liberating would it be to sell it all and just start fresh.

Elvis clock. I've had this since I was in junior high school. Seriously. Time to take a picture and let it go. If you want it, post a comment and maybe I'll mail it to you.

For a long time I think having furniture and a lovely house gave me a false sense of security. I have held on to my stupid furniture and other truly random things for years because: what if I need it? What if I can't replace it? What if I never find a better one?

Ha! Writting it out loud really makes it sound very funny.

This is the year of living everything I wrote in The Gift of Giving Life. My goodness. Everything I wrote about in that book has become my life story this year or has come to test me. Forgiveness, Faith, Fear, Meditation, Constant Nourishment, Chainbreaking (Family Tree of Knowledge) and now the principles of non-attachment. (If you haven't read the book, you really should--no matter what stage of life you are. Men, too--it will blow your mind.)

A friend of mind was helping me pack and told me an offhand story about Wayne Dyer and how one day he was putting his keys in his front door and realized he didn't need his house. So he walked away from it. It sounded a little crazy at first, but I kept thinking about it. Then I kept thinking of Christ's words to the rich merchant: "Sell all that thou hast."

I don't think that God is commanding me to sell everything, but He is inviting me to let go and see that I will be supported. Because I already am. I'm one of the most blessed people I know. It is so liberating thinking of selling (almost) everything and being totally light and free. 

Tonight I just read Phoebe a paraphrased version of the story of Ruth. It was super short and sweet but I couldn't help but get emotional. Ruth's life didn't turn out how she probably thought. She was widowed and then there was a famine... She had a choice to go back to her people or go with Naomi. Ruth gave up everything, even her God, to follow her mother-in-law and the God of Isreal. They were poor, but faithful. And if you don't know how it ends for Ruth, she ends up marrying Boaz (who was rich), and she eventually has a son. Through that line came David and later, Jesus Christ. She was a very blessed woman.

So here I go, to the promised land.


  1. I admire your faith. I think the "but if not" moments in life are some of the hardest to work through.

  2. Oh, and by the groves and a pool??? Sounds awesome!!

  3. I've been in a very similar situation before -- I moved to England from America and we got rid of nearly everything. It was the exact scenario of walking into the darkness and waiting for God to light the way. Doing so opened my life to more than I ever thought possible at the time. You can do this! I am very excited for you.

  4. Love you! I moved to Ojai with nothing, too. God will provide.