Monday, February 9, 2015

Bowels of Mercy - Fast Days 10-11

Day 10- I got up and meditated and half way though I felt like I should read this BYU Studies article someone had emailed me about Bowels of Mercy. So did. Then I realized how long it was, so I scanned the last half. I have since read it all, but I think skimming was essential for me at the time because it enabled me to to make the connections I made and not the ones the author was making. But here are a few things that stood out to me and connections that I made:

The scriptures often use concrete bodily language to describe spiritual conditions. (I have come to my own realization that many of these bodily references also have many other layers that apply to yogic technology.)

In scriptural times they knew and associated diff organs with diff emotions. Bowels can be any inward parts generally are associated with guts and intestines (also sometimes the womb, which could go a whole other direction on my birthy blog). The author comments on the juxtaposition of the lowest and the highest things, the noble and the ignoble (he is obviously think of guts and pooping parts.

Having bowels filled with mercy, compassion, charity--does seem like a funny thing, however, we get so used to the scriptural language we don't think much about it. But if you know that our bodies do literally hold emotions (healers focus on releasing the negative ones), then it would make sense that one's bowels could literally be filled with compassion.

And then I thought about my fast and how I was being literally emptied. I had been 2 days without any food by now and was about to go a third. And it was not just a physical emptying. Prior entries show the emotional and mental cleansing this has been as well. By this point, I felt like the only thing left to feel was love and compassion.

Later in the article, the Atonement and bowels is discussed. I skimmed this part, but here is what stood out to me:

The bowels in the King James idiom often signify a restoration to of a prior relationship a rescuing from exile even a willingness to trade places with another in peril.
Bowels are the site for substitutional suffering. In modern Greek one of the tenderest things you can say is splachno mou,  meaning "my dear one.Its implication is that your soul is my soul that you are my inner parts. 

This made me think of fasting again and how Jesus began his ministry with a 40 day fast, and again another 40 day fast before his triumphal entry. And I wondered if there wasn't much more to these fasts than we realize. Perhaps the Atonement didn't happen only in the Garden of Gethsemane, but began in the wilderness with his fast.

It is an advanced yogic power (siddhi) to be able to take another person's pain for them or to take some of their karma and work it out for them. This is not just empathy. Yogi Bhajan used to do it sometimes. He was like an umbrella--his aura was so large he would sometimes just throw it over another person and take their pain or karma and process it for them because he saw it was too much for them. Sri Yuketswar (Yoganada's guru) did the same thing when he almost died of a fever in Kashmir. In Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda says that his guru "burned the karma of many of his disciples that day."

There are lots of other stories about great yogis who did things like this for their people. This is real healing that happens through a not very well understood process. Christ Atonement obviously covered the whole earth, and I know some people don't know what to make of stories like these because they may seem blasphemous. But, if you remember that the whole point of coming here is to learn to become like God and that the ancient science of Yoga was the science of God Realization, then it makes sense that anyone on that path is going to have to do savior work. And the concept of generational healing is basically savior work for our ancestors through our physical bodies. I believe it all goes through Jesus Christ, because we are "one" with him. He is One with God, etc.

There are few people I know, who are great yogis, in the true sense of the word, who have been through some extremely challenging tiems that I think were not just for them, or even just for their ancestors. They may have been through these things to break the chains for many thousands of people. God has confirmed this to me, but I won't do into details. You should ponder and pray about everything you read here.

The point is, I suddenly remembered what God told me when I visited his throne. My fast was so difficult because I was not just doing it for me. Holy cow. I couldn't really fathom the implications of all this, so I decided it was time to get back to meditating.

As I was chanting Long Ek Ong Kars  I kept thinking about the meaning of the mantra:

Ek Ong Kar - The Creator and I are one.
Sat Nam - Truth is my identity.
Siri Wahe Guru - This brings me indescribable bliss.

The creator and I are one. I wondered again about what this fast was doing and for whom. I thought of Sri Yukteswar, who I love. He lived back in the days of the guru-disciple system. We no longer operate that way because the KY technology is all in the open now, but we do have teachers and students. I thought of all my students. Their faces and names all started coming to me, and I literally felt my bowels fill with love for them--those present and yet to come. I was sobbing tears of love and compassion. I was so willing to help them, I was willing to do this for them and for others. Truly I felt compassion for the whole earth.

This was the beginning of my day that felt like 3 days. The rest of day actually went very badly. Everything that could go wrong did. I figured out it was a curse. Not just targeted at me, but the whole earth, and especially the awake and enlightened people. Satan is feeling threatened. Later that morning I felt a feeling of intense anxiety. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time. And I did NOT want to feel it again. So I bore my testimony out loud right in that moment to the nearest person (Amarjot) and then I cancelled all my appointments and went to the temple. I also called for a day of fasting and prayer and study tomorrow. There are so many beautiful students in my little FB group. They jumped to do it. Those who do will benefit so much and they will also uplevel the whole world with them.

Day 11- I taught my teachers in training this morning. I love love love teaching and mentoring them. But it was a little hard. Peace is my word for the year. But sometimes God also brings a sword. It's one of those paradoxes. In some scriptures he says "Peace I give unto you." In others he says, he doesn't come to bring peace but a sword. I think he brings both. The sword is sharp but it is used with love, to cut out the subconscious thought forms that are ruining our lives.

I learned through experience with two great teachers that a good teacher does not always tell you that you are doing great. In fact, the best teacher will go after your ego with a hammer. It's not always comfortable. But if my teacher hadn't called me on my anger years ago I would still be letting my spiritual ego hide my anger under layers of pride. But Wahe Guru! She cut right through maya.

I had to do this with my Jedis in training today. I didn't like it. But out of love, I did it. They took it well. I hope. Who knows. They may hate me, but it wasn't from me, so I release my need to be liked. Plus, hey, it's a phase on the Path of Wisdom to doubt or even hate your teacher. Then if you get through that phase you go to the next level! Yay. If they didn't already get through that phase then I just pushed them there.

I started eating fruits and juices and decided to slowly go back to mono diet fast. I studied the scriptures today about fasting and calling an election. Maybe we should do a podcast on that.

 I also went to a silly movie with Amarjot. Really silly. But, as my yogi friend Khushbir and I joke, sometimes it is good to do things normal people do when they are not doing yoga. That way I can identify with them. Ha ha. Okay.

If you are wondering, they still haven't found the child. But I am still praying and I just feel like it will be okay. Also, by this evening I felt the curse on the earth was broken. Hooray. Deep breath. Sigh. I will go to sleep and wake up happy.

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