And Then She Woke Up - Jessica's Story

This series of posts is part of a book. See outline here.

And Then She Woke Up

by Jessica Jostes

Meditation for me was my way out of a dark place. For fourteen years, I had been dealing with a difficult relationship in which I held on to a lot of anger and feelings of inadequacy. I had read The Gift of Giving Life during my last pregnancy, and one day I felt inspired to find Felice’s new blog. I did and came across her anger series. I felt like I had nothing to lose, so I started meditating that day. The first day I could not make it through three minutes of the anger mediation before I sat and was overcome with emotion. I felt a huge release. The next day I tried for a little longer, and the same thing happened. I kept with it for a few more days until I was able to do it for the whole three minutes.

During the first few days, amazing things happened in my life. As I let go of the anger, I felt myself being lifted out of my dark place. As I came out, I was reminded how much my Heavenly Father loved me, and i felt His love all around me. I fasted and prayed for my broken heart to be healed. One Sunday at church, my bishop came and told me that he felt inspired for me to read a conference talk called “Balm of Gilead.” He didn’t know who gave it or when it was given, but he knew I was suppose to read it. I came home, and before I broke my fast I read the talk. It was given in 1977, two years before I was born. It was exactly what I needed to read, and the words penetrated my heart deeply. I closed my fast with much gratitude and physically felt my heart being healed. Adding meditation to my scripture study, fasting, and prayer took my relationship with my Heavenly Father to a new place.

I have continued to meditate every day and have felt myself change. I feel like I had been in a deep sleep my entire life and that meditation woke me up. My eyes see more clearly, my ears listen more sharply, my sense of smell is stronger, and my heart is more open. Open to God. Open to inspiration and open to love, and this has changed my life.