Meeting God In My Heart

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Meeting God In My Heart

by Beth Huges

My name is Beth, and I'm twenty-eight years old. I am a mother first and foremost. I have two delightful boys, and by delightful I mean that they are energetic, loving, busy, and all boy. I have a daughter who is still “zero,” as my boys like to say. They are also happy to say that she is zero and a half. I also tutor math to high school students in the neighborhood. I taught middle school for three years, before I had children. And I always say to people that I love middle schoolers and high schoolers because I never really matured past that age. I have a little, but I have a similar attention span as them, I have the same energy level, and I like to read what they read. I teach a youth Sunday School class right now, and I love that I am teaching absolute truth to teenagers. It's awesome. We live in West Lafayette, Indiana, while my husband attends Purdue University to get a PhD.

I discovered meditation through The Gift of Giving Life. I had always heard the apostles and prophets talk about meditation and pondering, and I had tried to do it on my own, but I couldn't keep it up. I wanted the peace and the knowledge that we have been promised that comes to those who ponder and meditate. When I found Felice's website and saw that she was going to do a webinar teaching you how to meditate, I signed up. This is where I learned about Kundalini Yoga.

When I started doing Kundalini Yoga, I found it a little different, but I loved it. As I mentioned earlier, I have always had a hard time being still. And it made me feel guilty whenever I read, "Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:12), because I don't sit still. I am always twiddling my fingers, moving my toes or my feet, or bouncing. Doing the mudras and chanting the mantras were enough movement and repetition for me to be still. I have always set my intention on being closer to God. And I envision that, as I am chanting out loud, I am letting God know that I am preparing for Him to enter into my heart. As I whisper, I envision all the things that I love about God as I prepare to lower myself and enter into my heart and meet God there. While I am silent, I envision being in my heart with God, and then I slowly come out of it, singing praises and gratitude for God and his goodness.

Then I start reading my scriptures. And I study them, and I'm slower about it. I like to be quick and I like to gobble things up, but after I've done the meditation I feel like I can savor the words and ponder them better. I also ask more questions about how different people feel in the stories, or why different words were chosen. Or what questions I should ask my Sunday School class. And then I try to find the answers. And I know that God is listening to me ask better questions and helps me answer those questions.

I also say my longest prayer of the day before I tune out. I list many things that I'm grateful for. Little things, like my oldest son whispering to me how much he loves his sister or the younger son's sense of humor developing. And big things like how grateful I am for the gospel and for revelation and for specific revelations. Then I ask for blessings for everyone else. Since I've started meditation, I feel like I don't have to ask for things for myself. Or if it is for myself it's also for my family, like asking to help me become the best mother for my children. Or asking for the Atonement to cover my mistakes so that my children still have a good experience with families and can still love me despite my sins.

I started this when I was five months pregnant with my daughter. And I noticed that I was in a lot more control. I have felt that I don't fly out of control, even with the shift in hormones, and believe me––my hormones have shifted a lot. I have also noticed that I am kinder to myself and to my children (which, as my husband says, “is saying a lot because you’ve always been kind, patient and loving”). I feel lots more at peace. I also have slowed down enough to ponder and think about things. I practice conversations if I know that they'll be loaded, because I don't want to offend with my lack of tact (which I still do, but not every day like I did before.)

My personal relationship with God is solid now. It has always been strong. I have been blessed with a gift of faith, but this has just made my faith like Job's. I feel that I'm not afraid to ask for blessings because I know that God wants to give them to me. I'm quicker to thank Him for those blessings, and I'm quicker to work for them. I feel the love of God strongly, and I feel like I've made my home more like a temple because of meditation. I have had a hard time getting to the temple, because it's three hours away and it becomes an eleven-hour day, and it's hard with a newborn and an infant, but I still feel like I'm participating in temple worship with meditation. I feel like I've been able to make my home a temple where God and I visit and commune with each other. Don't get me wrong, we are still striving to attend the temple, but I feel more at peace with my limitations.

I have noticed that my family is all happier. My husband has noticed in me that I seem more at peace. He says the changes are subtle because I was already full of light, peace, and happiness. My boys will break out in singing Sa Ta Na Ma or walk around doing the prosperity meditation. I love it. They are happier on the days that I meditate because I set the tone of the day. They like to watch the life of Christ movies while I meditate. And then we play Resurrection or carrying the sick palsy man around, which strengthens their testimonies. I also am more in tune with the Spirit and can find the moments that I can testify about Christ as we are playing and growing.

I am not perfect. I still get frustrated with my children and my surroundings, but meditating is the springboard to higher learning for me. I am closer to God when I invite Him into my home, and I do that through meditation. I am in better control of my body, and my body works better when I meditate. I missed almost a week and a half in August, at the end of a long summer of little sleep and high stress from having a new baby and a busy husband, and when I started it up again, I felt so strongly that I am loved and that God is pleased with me. And that is why I will do my very best to meditate and study the scriptures. I feel close to God and I can feel His love for me and for everyone around me.